Sunday, March 16, 2008

Memories (installment 11)

I SO longed to take the coward’s way out, but instead, Jason and I got in the car and drove up to see my parents, and fill them in on what was going on.

It WAS as hard as I thought it would be. There were tears. There were words that shouldn’t have been said. My mother made the comment that we didn’t “have to” get married. Huh?

We’d been engaged since February. We WANTED to get married.

We made plans to get married as soon as possible…the date that worked was October 17th.

We had a lot of work to do, with very little time and less money.

The wife of one of the attorney’s I had worked for made my dress. I kept my parents updated by calling about once a week, even though they weren’t paying for much. Every time I got of the phone with them, I was crying. Jason got tired of it after a while. Finally, about two weeks before the wedding, during one of the phone conversations, he got on the phone, and told my parents that if they couldn’t treat me well, they could forget about coming to the wedding.

We were in pre-marital counseling with our pastor, and we told him about what was happening with my parents. He insisted that we needed to “fix” it, and he called and asked my parents to come to town, so we could sit down and talk the following weekend.

I was really hopeful that this would straighten out the craziness that was my relationship with my parents. I think my expectations were a little too high.

We met, and things were said that still hurt. Jason really DID act the man, and took the verbal beating, and took the blame for it all, though really very little of the actual fault lay with him. Things were okay enough for the wedding to proceed, and for my parents to plan to attend.

October 17, 1992 was a beautiful day in South Carolina. We had some showers the night before, but it had cleared up, and the yard was beautiful. We had an outdoor wedding in Jason’s parents’ back yard.

Some things I remember from the wedding…the clasp of my necklace stuck, there was an inchworm on the pastor’s collar, climbing up and falling down, and climbing up and falling down…, the little girls (including my sister) decided to help with frosting clean-up, my dad shooing the flies away from the food tables.

We didn’t have any money for a honeymoon…all the money we had we had received as wedding presents. I didn’t know if Jason had planned anything. We drove away from the wedding, and went out to our little trailer in Gaston, SC. We spent the night there, interrupted during supper by some guys working on the back of the trailer, getting things hooked up for us, and warning us that we needed to light the pilot light for the furnace and the water heater. We were clueless.

The next morning, we got up, and Jason got in the shower. He didn’t mind the cold water, but I about froze to death. We had NO hot water, and no heat. We left and went to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast and to warm up. After that, we drove to Charlotte, found a motel to spend the night so we could go ice skating the next day.

We went right back to work after that long weekend, jumping into married life with both feet.


Dawn said...

You may have addressed this before, but I hope your relationship with your parents has improved. That would be so hard! I have been so blessed in that area. Do your kids have two sets of grandparents to love and be with?

Bottles Barbies & Boys said...

I can relate with you, we had a tough time with my parents too long ago. Now they wouldn't trade my husband for anyone! Turns out the bride really does know what's best.

MomOnTheGo said...

Good for you for telling your whole story, not just the sunny and easy parts. My parents "had" to get married when my mom was 15 and my dad was 17. My mom said that some days what kept her from walking out was the memory of my grandmother (Dad's mom) telling her that she had "tricked" my dad into marrying her. It taught me that sometimes it is love and sometimes stubbornness that gets you through but getting through is what counts.

Qtpies7 said...

Sounds like my wedding. OK, my parents were actually pretty great about it. We were engaged, too, and when I told my dad that I was pregnant he sent me to bed, then didn't talk to me for 4 days. Then it was fine.
Donnie's mom never said anything to me, I guess she knows her son had as much to do with the baby making as I did, lol.
I took more blame later in our marriage. Like for Donnie having a reversal and having more kids. Apparently his family decided that he did it because it was cheaper than a divorce???? LOL I have no idea where they got that, Donnie wouldn't do a reversal for me, he did it for God.

Mrs. Staff Sergeant said...

We were married on October 19th :) Fall is a beautiful month to be married in! And by the way, your dress was beautiful! Especially considering this was 1992. Most dresses I remember from the early 90s were covered in ruffles and bows and more bows and sequins and beading covering every available inch! Haha

Sounds like you guys had a rough start to things with your parents. (sounds like my in-laws, but that's another story!) I'll be interested to hear what happened next...