Sunday, March 30, 2008

Memories (installment 12)

Aren't we just the cutest couple in the world? My brother took this picture, way back in the dark ages before I gained weight and when Jason still had hair...oh, the glorious, beautiful hair he had!

Our wedding was Saturday, October 17, 1992.

Jumping back into our jobs as newlyweds was fun. We didn't have much of a break for a honeymoon...and all of the happiness quickly changed.

I had never voted...I grew up in a Mennonite church, and Mennonites (at least the ones I grew up with) didn't vote. This was my first election to be a registered voter. I was really looking forward to voting in November, 1992.

I was also pregnant...about 10 weeks pregnant when we got married. I was thrilled. All I had ever wanted was to be a wife and mom...

Over the weekend of November 1st, I went on a Ladies' Retreat with my mother-in-law and the rest of the ladies from our church. On Saturday night, I discovered some spotting...I was a little worried, but not too much so...

On Monday morning, I called to find a doctor to see me...I didn't yet have an OB...I was able to get in to see him quickly, and was quickly sent to get an ultrasound done. Because it was so early in the pregnancy, I had to have the more invasive vaginal ultrasound done. That confirmed that my baby had died, and I was scheduled to have a D&C done the next morning (I think...things are blurring a little bit...this has been 14 years ago, now!...the D&C was on Tuesday, November 3, 1992). My parents had quickly come to town (they lived about a two-hour drive away from us), and were at the hospital when I came out, as were Jason's parents.

I remember my one thought (other than being overwhelmed by the speed of everything) was that I was going to miss voting in my first election.

Jason had been able to take the time off to take care of me, but he was working as a manager of a fast-food restaurant, and when he didn't work, he didn't get paid, so he couldn't take too much time off of work. He took me home from the hospital and made arrangements to leave me with his parents the next day while he had to work.

We had been married less than 1 month at this point. Jason was 19 years old and I was 23.

We got up the next morning, preparing for him to drive me to his parents' home. I tried to get up to walk to the bathroom...and promptly passed out. Jason was too far away to catch me, and I just melted into a little puddle on the floor. I came to a few seconds later, and Jason was right there...scared to death. We talked a little, but I still had to I tried again....and again passed out. Poor Jason. He didn't want me to pass out again, so I crawled to the bathroom while he was calling his parents. Fortunately, they were able to come out to the house to get me...I know Jason wouldn't have been able to carry me out of that little trailer by himself, and he wasn't about to let me try to walk out of there again!

I spent the day with Jason's parents, and my recovery was pretty uneventful, though I was NOT prepared for the depression that followed. I had been mildly depressed for years...since my early teens, but this was WAY more than either of us had bargained for. We were still EARLY newlyweds, and this was NOT what we had planned for our first year of marriage.

THEN, my mom told me that she had always known I was going to lose the baby, and that she still didn't think I needed to be married to Jason. Oh, yes, she did...Thanks, Mom, for being so loving and supportive.


I was given some good books that helped address the aftermath of my miscarriage.

Beyond Heartache, by Mari Hanes with Jack Hayford
(Available at Amazon, here.

Miscarriage, A Shattered Dream,
by Sherokee Ilse and Linda Hammer Burns
(Available at Amazon, here.)

If you're dealing with the grief of a miscarriage, abortion, or other loss in your life, please don't be afraid to ask for help. Get into counseling, or at least talk to someone who has been through it...don't try to go it alone.


Sassy Mama Bear said...

You will always and forever be a Magnificent Mama, due to many discussions on blogrolls I'd been reading I made a decision to close allof mine down that were not related to the weekly Memes I participate in. You are in my reader anyway :)

imbeingheldhostage said...

Wow. I can't even imagine going through that-- and people who haven't can really say some unsupportive things, can't they?

I loved the picture. I'm a little embarrassed to show our early years-- between the two of us we've added about 120 pounds! yikes. Thank goodness we have several kids to position in front of us for each picture. ;-)

Mrs. C said...

I know how awful miscarriage is. I think having the D and C was the worst part... I had to have it done TWICE. It's basically an abortion on a dead baby. Ethically a world of difference but you still feel like crap. I think one of the worst moments was being all ready for surgery and ON THE metal table and the doctor having to go away to deliver someone else's living baby!

Oh, crap. And to hear supportive comments like your mom's just is icing on the cake, isn't it?