I missed last week's Scrolling Saturday...and trying to figure out if I actually have something to post has been fun...a trip into ancient history... From my other blog. Thank goodness this one is past!
Entry for November 04, 2006
It has been a LONG time since I found time to write in here. Much has changed, and changed again. Jason has graduated from college....but still no diploma...something the school messed up is hanging things up. The kids are back in school. I have changed from working nights to working evenings...starting at 11, 12, or 1:30, and working until 8, 9, or 10:30....this is getting old....I am also now working 40 hrs/wk, to make up the pay difference from working nights...$1.50/hr goes a LONG ways!! I am waiting to hear on a job that I've applied for on base...it would be a state level job, at more than twice what Jason is making right now. It would be GREAT to be working on base, and close to the same hours that Jason works! I'd be able to see the kids more than I see them right now, and we'd be able to do things together in the evenings!
More changes....August was a BAD, BAD, BAD month....as was September. August 12th, Jason finished his last class. August 13th, a "friend" threw Jason a graduation party...I was invited as an afterthought. Soon after we ate, Jason sent the kids home with me....supposedly to get some sleep, since I had to work that night. I didn't get to sleep....and Jason refused to leave his party. We FOUGHT. The next 2 weeks were HELL. Jason moved out on August 24th, and went to stay in the barracks on base. So many things went on. We tried counseling. I went to SC for 5 days. The day I got back, Jason filed for divorce. He didn't tell me until almost a week later. He lied to me about doing things with this "friend." He lied to his command. He lied to his parents. He lied to the children. He told me that there was NO chance that we would be able to work things out, that his mind was made up. I was TOTALLY dumbfounded. I did NOT see this coming. NO ONE saw this coming. Still, I was determined that I was NOT going to give up on our marriage. I called everyone I knew, and asked them to pray. I emailed everone. I found a Christian counselor, referred by Pastor John and Irene. The counselor recommended that I pray that Jason become REALLY uncomfortable in his sin. I PRAYED. Our friends and family all over the country prayed. God worked. Jason went to Hawaii for a pre-arranged supply/Haz-Mat conference. I quit talking to him while he was gone, because all he did was badger me. During the 2 days that I quit taking his calls, he called me a total of 20 times....on the day before he was scheduled to return, we actually talked for an hour or so....I could tell that something was going on, even though he was DETERMINED that nothing was going to change his mind. He said that he felt like he had gone too far to come back. I told him that no one was EVER too far gone to come back to God. Jason arrived back on Saturday, September 23rd...he came out and saw the children for about an hour. On Sunday, I had to work in the afternnoon, and Jason was suppopsed to come out and stay with the children. He came out for a little while, then left again. I came home for my lunch time, and found that the children were by themselves again. I was PISSED. I called him, and we ended up talking again for a while. He asked if it was okay to come back out and see the kids again for a little while, before he had to go bowl. Of course, I said he could....he sounded like he was crying. He said that Carol had told him that morning that she never wanted to have anything to do with him again. That really started him thinking about what he was doing. The next morning, Sept. 25th, he was confronted at work by his Chief, who really laid it on thick, about what he was doing to his carreer, if he stayed on the path he was currently headed down. At that point, he started making some serious changes. He called the "friend" and told her that he was breaking EVERYTHING off with her. He called his accountability partner, and set up frequent meetings with him. He called my attorney, and asked him how to stop the divorce. Then, he called me, and left a message about the changes he had made. He came home that night, and has been home ever since. He has appologized to me, and to the children, and to the whole church, in both services, and to his parents, and to some of our friends. He has been going to counseling, both individual, and as a couple. He is changing how he is handling the finances. He is making being with the family a priority. Our counselor is VERY pleased with how things are shaping up. I am still hesitant. I have been through this before, and I feel like I am just waiting for the other shoe to fall. Sometimes I really feel like things are going to go back to how they were before, and I can expect this kind of thing to happen again. Other times, I dare to hope that the changes being made are permanent, and we will have the marriage I have always known was possible, but haven't seen.
Right now, the finances are TERRIBLE. We HAVE TO have more income. Jason is working on his officer's package...he goes on Monday to take the Officer's Exam in Butte. This weekend, he is in Billings for the funeral of a Sailor who was killed in Iraq. This weekend has been HARD for me. It has been a little more than a month since he came home. This is the first time that he has been away since then, and I find myself wondering....I am having a little bit of a hard time turning all my fears over to God. I KNOW that He is the only one who can change Jason. I KNOW that none of my worrying does any good.
I need to go, and get the rest of the kids into bed, so we can get up in the morning.
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