Good Monday Morning!

So, apparently I have nothing to say over the weekend. Or not. You see, I am TRYING to NOT work on Sundays, and that means that Saturday is spent finishing up my work, so I can NOT be on the computer all. day. long. on Sunday. Well, we all know better...when else would I go blog hopping?!?

And, because I work from home, I have no other adults to talk to. I can't be on the phone during the day, because I have my headphones on all. day. long. Which reminds me...I think I need to get some new ear buds....THESE look nice...but who has $40 just laying around to spend on ear buds?!? The ones I have are the rounded ones that pop out of my ears at the WORST times.

Where was I? Oh, yeah...having something to say.

Really, I DO have things to say. Things that involve depression, counselling, and dealing with fears. Things about our pastor's sermon on Sunday. Things about how my husband thinks. And how I don't deal well with how he thinks. And more upbeat things about vacations.

But first, we went to a baseball game on Saturday...our pastor's son was playing in the tournament. And it was fun to get to see him play, and see his family outside of the church setting. But it was hot, HOT, HOT!! When we left to come home afterwards, it was 104-degrees...at almost 6:00 pm. ICK. No wonder my kids were tired and grumpy. At least his team won...18-2, or something like that.

So, because we weren't home all day Saturday, the house is a DISASTER. Well, sort of. It's still better than it was during the school year. But it's still messy. Not picked-up. Dishes on the table from supper last night. And "they" are supposed to be coming sometime this week to replace our back doors. Our lovely, leaky back doors. We will be going from having French doors to having sliding glass doors. Not sure how I like that change, but at least they won't be leaking any more.

And that list of things I am supposed to be getting to cleaning? Not makin' any progress. Whatsoever. If anything, my desk is getting worse. Which is just depressing. Because this is where I sit all day long. And look at the growing pile. And get more depressed.

And I have packing to do at some point, which means laundry. And getting my work done. And doctor's appointments.

Which reminds me...the oldest had a doctor's appointment on Saturday. And had her first blood drawn. Because she's reacting to nuts...well, so far, just to ALMONDS, but the Nurse Practitioner said just to avoid nuts across the board. Which really isn't an issue for this child...she's never really liked nuts. So, she had blood drawn, to verify the allergy. And she is being referred to a real allergist. For more tests. Yippee.

So, I have a question. Because this allergy stuff is something I've been dealing with for a long, LONG time.

The question.....
If your child says they dislike something that is known to be an allergen for a lot of people, do you force them to eat it?

For example, oldest daughter and the nuts. She has never been a fan of nuts. I also have several children who refuse to eat eggs. And tuna. I KNOW that each of these foods can be a problematic. But there is some disagreement in the house over how to handle the "dislikes".

So, how would YOU handle this?

It's Real Life

Jessica at Farm Fresh is hosting It's Real Life....This week's installment includes:

- Curb Appeal
- junk drawer
- from whence you blog
- favorite jewelry
- your best feature

CURB APPEAL

We're in military housing...circa 1973...we're in the end of a 4-plex, which is really not a bad place to be. It's a little cozy for this family of 8, but it works, and has A/C, which is pretty important in the South at this time of year!

MY JUNK DRAWER

My "junk drawer" is not really such...it actually houses all of the sippy cup lids, coffee mug lids, and cookie cutters.

FROM WHENCE I BLOG

My desk...I sit at this thing all day long...for your viewing pleasure...before.... and after....

MY FAVORITE PIECE OF JEWELRY

My favorite jewelry currently is my gorgeous necklace that I won from Heart of the Matter Online...made by Kristen of Kristen's Custom Creations

MY BEST FEATURE

And my best feature, with my other favorite piece of jewelry....I was gifted with long fingers...the better for playing piano and typing at the computer, my dear!













Go to Farm Fresh and join the fun!!!

Wrapping up the week

This week has been quiet.

I think I could get used to this having my kids home. They're keeping the laundry caught up, and the dishes washed, and the house picked up. It's an amazing thing!

Yesterday two of the girls were invited to a birthday party/pool party here in our neighborhood. That's one really nice thing here is that there are a ton of kids for them to play with.

We've also had sick kids this week....just a fever and tiredness...2 days on the couch, taking Motrin, and they're up and away again.

Last night was the last games for one of my husband's softball teams. Tonight is the last one for the other team. I have a friend who is moving tonight and tomorrow, so I am going to help move some things tonight, and then come home and pick up the kids to go watch the last games.

This weekend is drill weekend, so Jason will be gone all day tomorrow, too, for work. Our oldest has a doctor's appointment on Saturday morning, too, so it looks like I won't be going to Ladies' Brew Group on Saturday morning.

The next couple of weeks are going to be a little busy, with plans for July 4th and then Women of Faith in DC. Anyone else going to be there? I can't wait!! Last time I got to go to Women of Faith was in Billings, MT, two years ago. It was extremely refreshing. I need refreshing right now!

Well, work is calling...better get back at it! What are your plans for the weekend?

Thursday Thirteen #25

Thirteen Pets we've owned: 1. Phoebe – the “new” cat in the house. 2. Nibbles – Our current BEAUTIFUL tortoiseshell 3. Blue Eyes – the “male” cat that had a litter of kittens the week after we gave it to someone else! 4. Batty – This cat was psycho - 5. Bear – Rottweiler - was stolen from my brother’s yard 6. Another dog…a mutt that was given to us and shot by a neighbor 7. Caramel….my oldest daughter’s dog 8. Claude – my dog while I was on my own, given away by my roommate 9. Sam – My husband’s dog growing up….Sam was an English Bulldog 10. Jeanette – my husband’s dog growing up – a Rottweiler 11. Hot Dog – My dog growing up – a Border collie - the best do we ever had 12. Pup – My parents’ dog…Daddy found her in a dumpster when she was just a puppy, and gave her to my mom when they were still in their first month of marriage. I LOVED Pup…she was a GREAT mother…she never had any puppies of her own, but she was a MUCH better mother to the kittens than were any of the cats we had growing up. She even nursed those poor abandoned kittens. 13. We’ve also had a Bearded Dragon, white mice, two German Shephards, another Border Collie, 2 or 3 more cats, several more mutts that showed up and were taken in…. oh, and I think my brothers had some geckos.... What kind of pets have you had?

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Watching the Fountain

Go see the other entries.

Fun Stuff

Your Nail Polish Color is Purple

How you're unique: You are artistic and expressive Why your style rocks: You pay special attention to color and fabrics What this color says about you: "I'm creative and know how to take care of myself"

What Color Nail Polish Best Fits You?

Fun Stuff

Your Thinking is Abstract and Sequential

You like to do research and collect lots of information. The more facts you have, the easier it is for you to learn. You need to figure things out for yourself and consider all possibilities. You tend to become an expert in the subjects that you study. It's difficult for you to work with people who know less than you do. You aren't a very patient teacher, and you don't like convincing people that you're right.

What Kind of Thinker Are You?

Memories (installment 23)

Living with my brother was an adventure. He was young, and single, and not used to having a woman and 4 children in the house, never mind all of the stuff that came with us.

Jason's car was dying, and driving to Columbia every day for work was getting to be a problem. He found another job in Greenwood, which was about half of the drive.

We were going to church in Greenwood as well, going back to the church we had attended when we lived near my parents.

Jason was still drilling at the reserve center in Charlotte once a month.

Thanksgiving came, and we spent the day with my parents. We didn't hear anything from Jason's family.

Christmas came, and we tried to make contact with Jason's parents and other people from the church in Columbia. We DID receive a box of presents for the kids from Jason's parents but no communication at all.

In January, we decided that Jason was going to try to go active duty in the Navy since he wasn't finding work that would support us. In February, he started working full-time in Charlotte, at the reserve center until they could get him into Supply "A" School, in Meridian, MS.

Jason left for Mississippi in late February and was in school for the next 6 weeks.

In the mean time, I was getting things ready for our next move. I sorted through all of our stuff, and had a yard sale. I took 12 big boxes of clothes to the Goodwill store.

Jason was to graduate from "A" school on April 4th, his birthday.

On March 30th I was supposed to load all of the kids in the car and drive out there to get him.

My other brother's wedding was on April 21st.

Jason was supposed to report to his command in Ingleside, TX on April 22nd.

We needed to be in both places.

Two days before I was supposed to leave, I fixed supper for James and the kids and myself and put everyone to bed. We had chicken and green beans. Within an hour of getting kids in bed I started hearing from kids.

"My tummy hurts."

"I don't feel good."

Let's just say it was a LONG night. All 6 of us were sick. Really, really sick. I had a LOT of laundry to day that next day.

And I was supposed to be making an 8-hour drive in two days.

We recovered, and left for Mississippi on time.

The drive was uneventful. The kids were GREAT. We got into Meridian and checked into our room on base.

I started feeling bad the next morning. That day was busy. I took the car over to get some work done on it. I entertained bored children. I got my first military ID made. I was learning about life as a military spouse.

The next day, Jason moved us to a different room, where he could stay with us. By this point I was feeling AWEFUL. Somehow I made it through the next couple of days, entertaining the kids, and keeping us all fed. All I wanted to do was DIE. I could barely talk. I was running a fever. My throat was aweful.

I called the clinic and talked to them about it. They said I should come over. I didn't know where the clinic was located. I didn't know what to do with the kids. I felt like I couldn't drive.

On Thursday, April 4th, Jason graduated. We were supposed to be leaving immediately from graduation and drive to Ingleside, TX, so he could report to his command.

Before we left, I insisted that he take me to the clinic. The doctor saw me immediately (I think they took one look at me and took pity). I had strep throat. He said my tonsils were on the verge of bursting from the infection. He gave me a shot of antibiotics, gave me some Cepacol lozenges, and a round of antibiotics to take, and said to make sure I checked in with the clinic in TX when we got there.

I left the clinic, climbed in the car, and we left for Texas.

Not being veterans of driving in Texas, we got on I-20, and headed west. We were travelling with another couple of people from the school, and left them when we hit the Dallas-Ft. Worth area, where we headed south. We had supper in DFW, and drove south.

Let me just say....that is a LONG drive.

We got into Corpus Christi on Friday, and went to housing to see if we could get on the housing list right away. We spent the weekend in a motel room, and on Monday Jason reported to his new command, the USS Defender. He was able to get some house-hunting leave, and didn't have to be back until April 25th, giving us time to attend my brother's wedding, and drive across country with our stuff.

We also got to tour the housing area. It was nice. We qualified for a 3-bedroom place, and were promised that it would be ready for us when we got back into town.

Success.

We headed back to South Carolina for my brother's wedding and to get all of our stuff packed up.

My parents and James helped pack the U-Haul truck. It was all ready to go, sitting in front of James' house. Jason was going to drive the truck and I was driving the car with all of the kids. We were all ready to go.

The wedding was in Columbia, on April 21st. We were all there, and it was a beautiful wedding. We went to the reception, and then headed back to James' house. It was dusk, and on the way into town, a deer ran out in front of us. Fortunately it didn't do much damage to the car.

The next day was Sunday, and we went to Greenwood, to church, and left after lunch to head to Texas. James was going to follow the next day, to help us get unloaded. We spent the night somewhere in Louisiana, and drove the rest of the way on Monday, getting into Portland, Texas late on Monday night.

The apartment was waiting for us, and we went right in and spent the night sleeping on the floors. The next morning we unpacked the truck and got moved in. James had also arrived the night before and helped unpack and set up beds. Jason had to report to the ship the following morning, so they wanted to finish up all they could. They took the truck in and dropped it off that day and the kids and I worked on settling in.

Our oldest was in first grade at this point, and had already been in two different schools that year. We had decided that instead of putting her into yet another school, I would homeschool her. I had wanted to do that anyway, and this was a great place to get started.

Our military adventure had begun...we were living in military housing, and Jason was now officially government property.

Thievin' the blog...

I saw this over at My Life With Boys, and just had to do it..

I am…busy.
I want…supper.
I wish...my husband and I were going out tonight.
I hate...when we're so busy that we lose contact with each other.
I miss…the quiet days of summers growing up.
I fear…what this country will look like after the election.
I feel…helpless to do anything about that.
I hear…a baseball game on the TV.
I smell…my newly cleaned floors.
I crave…chocolate.
I search…for a good friend.
I wonder…what happens after life in the Navy.
I regret…yelling at my children.
I love…being a SAH Mom.
I care…DEEPLY about single mothers, and depressed women.
I ache…every time I am exposed to insecticides, cigarette smoke, gas fumes, car exhaust, and most household chemicals.
I always...enjoy having children in the house.
I believe…that God has a plan for my life.
I dance…only when no one else is looking.
I sing...in the car, at church, and sometimes in the shower.
I cry…at least once a month.
I don’t always...act like I should.
I fight…God over the changes He wants to make in my life.
I write…daily on this blog.
I never…want to be alone.
I listen…to Christian radio all day long, every day.
I need…to clean up my desk.
I am happy...with where we live right now.

This definitely made me think...

Because lists make my world go 'round...

Boo Mama has this great idea for to-do list accountability. Go...go read about it....

And because I can't resist lists of any form....

I bring you my to-do list:

1. Clean off my desk.
2. Unpack the boxes in the garage.
3. Unpack THE crate.

*IF* I can get all of THAT accomplished, I will be happy...and my husband? He'll be THRILLED!

Blog Rules

1. This is MY blog. I will post what I desire to post here.
2. Again, this is MY blog. I will not tolerate bashing of ANYONE here. I reserve the right to delete comments I find offensive.
3. Anonymous comments that bash ANYONE are doubly deservent of deletion. If you cannot give me your name, your negative comment is the work of a coward.
4. If you have something to say to ME directly, contact me via my email address, which IS now available on my profile page.
5. I LOVE comments. Please continue to comment. Just remember that I DO reserve the right to delete offensive comments.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

These are a few of my favorite things....

I grew up (for a few years, anyway) on a dairy farm.


That meant LOTS of hard work and long hours.


Hours with what I consider the best animals in the world.


Even before we had the dairy, we had a milk cow.


We milked her by hand.


Twice a day.


Every day.


We had calves.


We also had beef cattle.


I liked those, too....they were really yummy!


But none measured up to my beautiful Holsteins.






Isn't this one gorgeous...in a sad sort of way?







I have a collection of cows.


Figurines.


Obviously.

I have this beautiful little lady.





If you came to my house, you'd also get to hear her.





Because she moos every hour.



I <3 my awesome cow clock that my Daddy gave me!







And this one? I LOVE it!! SO adoreable!!

On SO many fronts!

I have another one similar...

In storage.

Because I have no place to display my beauties.






The few I have out are in my kitchen.

I DO have a couple of stuffed little ladies.

They're gorgeous, too.

























Someday I'll have a place for all of my beautiful little ladies.

And then I'll get them all out...

And share their beauty with everyone.

Because you know I won't be able to resist their adorableness!!

Thursday Thirteen #24

Thirteen Things on my desk. I REALLY need to clean off my desk....as evidenced by this list of things I spy on my desk. 1. Coffee Cup...full of hot coffee.. 2. Water glass.... from my water before my walk. 3. Camera 4. Cell phone 5. Empty tape dispenser 6. Ace bandage...needs to be put away. 7. My bouncing moose from MT 8. Pieces of a set of matryoshka dolls 9. Bathing suit 10. Pictures 11. Lotion 12. Broken piece of pottery 13. Papers...LOTS and LOTS of papers. THIS is my project for the week....cleaning off my desk. What is your project for this week?

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Happy (Not So) Wordless Wednesday (With a twist!)

I've been watching this fun theme for a while, and pondering, and I think it is time to jump in... While I know this is supposed to be WORDLESS, I fear I cannot.....

I LOVE pictures, and the theme for this week is "Vintage" which just really suits my fancy.

I actually wanted to share a picture of something I own that is vintage...I went out to take the picture....and, well....

It is still in the crate from our move in November. So, I'll have to save that fun vintage piece for another time.





Today, I am going to share some fun vintage pictures of my mother's great aunt, Frances...one of the many Frances' in the family...known to all as "Aunt Fan." Aunt Fan was a world traveler and book fiend. She travelled as a companion to another wealthly young lady, and as such got to go to many exciting places. She was also somewhat of a maverick, doing things that women of her day were not supposed to do, and going places they were not expected to go. One treasured thing from Aunt Fan is the wedding veil that I wore in my wedding, and which my mother and aunt also both wore in their weddings. (Alas, no pictures for now, as my wedding pictures seem to be missing...)





This is a picture of Aunt Fan fishing...I don't know dates or location, but I love the fact that she is out on the river in that LONG vintage skirt, with a huge cane pole, fishing!

And this is NOT Aunt Fan...I do know that it is a family member, probably taken either in Arkansas or west Texas, when the family was settling in there.

Now, go see more WWWAT posts!

Bloggy Lovin'

Wendy, from The Adventures of MomLady, has bestowed this lovely little button on me....so I am going to pass on the love to some other wonderful bloggy friends...

To all those wonderful people who have supported and encouraged, but especially to:

Jen at Mommy of Many for leading the way in the Dance of the Children.

Melody at Slurping Life for reminding me that special children are just that...special.

Tiff at Three Ring Circus, because life seems a little off-center right now.

Jenn at the petersons go public! because single moms need all the love they can get!!

Cynthia at Walking On because I admire her strength on her challenging journey.

Shannon at The Mommy Project because I love watching her miracle baby grow!

Angela at Memoirs of a Chaotic Mommy for sharing about life with Autism.

Every day, every blog I read teaches me something...thank you to all you are contributing to my growth and development as a mom!

Memories (installment 22)

I thought it was unfortunate that life continued despite how I felt.

I really was scared.

The thought of being a single mom of 4 children was exceedingly frightening. I KNEW we would lose the house, and I wouldn't have any transportation because the car was going to be repossessed. I imagined us on food stamps and in low-income housing, shunned by all of our friends because my husband decided to have an affair.

All of those thoughts passed through my mind in about 30 seconds' time.

Then my oldest came into the room and asked why I was crying. How do you tell a 6-year-old that her Daddy has walked away from his family? That you don't know what the future holds? That everything she knew was about to change, drastically?

I told her that I was sad because Daddy was doing things that God didn't want him to do, and that we needed to pray for Daddy. That somehow satisfied her, and she went back to play with her siblings.

In that 2 minute conversation with my daughter, all that I believed was solidified. I knew what I would do, no matter the responses.

In the mean time, more things were set in motion. Jason was a deacon in our church, and the board had to figure out how to deal with him. They also had to figure out how to deal with the hurting wife and abandoned children.

For the next week, I kept functioning...going to and from work in a fog. I kept feeding and caring for my children, and getting them to school and to Nana's house. I went to church, and sat there in a fog.

Our church family loved us. The car WAS repossessed, and the church bought us another car...an older one, but it was solid and inexpensive. Friends pitched in and babysat, and one friend in particular took my to get my hair cut...I cut it drastically shorter than I was used to.

My dad came and changed the locks at the house for me. He did other things around the house, helping me get it ready to sell...since we knew it was headed into foreclosure, we had to do something quickly. I got in touch with our original realtor and she put it on the market for us.

My father-in-law and another elder paid a retainer fee for an attorney for me. I went to see him, and could barely put two words together to tell him what was happening. He suggested a Private Investigator to get proof of them living together. That meant more money...that I didn't have. I couldn't make that decision, so left to think it over. I talked to my brothers who reminded me of a friend from Bible College who was a PI. I talked to Tony who volunteered to work for free.

By this time, it was another weekend...about a week and a half after finding out the dreadful truth. Three of Jason's close friends from our church decided that they too needed to confront him. After church on Sunday morning they drove to Greenville and talked to him. Again, they got no response from him. One friend, David, asked Jason what we were supposed to tell the children...how were we supposed to explain their father's abandonment to them? Apparently this one simple question started to clear the fog in Jason's brain.

Another week of pain, crying myself to sleep every night, spending hours on the phone with my best friend, and making decisions about our future. At least that was what I anticipated. God had other plans.

Monday morning, October 9th, I got a phone call from Jason, saying that he was leaving Greenville, and coming back to Columbia. He was leaving the girlfriend with all of the stuff and wanted to know if I would at least talk to him when he got back to Columbia. I was cautious. He had hurt me deeply and I was not ready to believe that he would actually come back.

Later that afternoon, I got another phone call at work, from Jason's friend, David, who said that Jason WAS back in town, and was going to be staying with David for a little while.

Jason had a lot of work to do, repairing relationships with a lot of people. He spent time with our pastor, and found another job, roofing. He wanted to get back together with me right away. I wasn't ready.

In early November, the church helped me moved out of the house, to my brother's house an hour away. I quit my job and moved my daughter to the new school, and started settling in at James' house.

I met with Jason at the mall one day before we moved, and he was kind, and thoughtful, and VERY anxious to make things right with me. I was getting a LOT of pressure from people around me to take my time. To NOT take him back. To go through with a divorce I didn't want. I still knew where I stood, and I was determined to do it what I believed was God's way.

Shortly after our move to my brother's house, Jason wanted to come visit with us. He came out one day, and two days later was back....for good.

At that point, I didn't care what anyone else said or thought about us. All I cared was that we were together again....that God was healing our marriage....

...but it still hurt when Jason's parents refused to talk to us. And the church shunned us.

I still don't understand....

Happy Father's Day!!

There are some amazing men in my life....

My Dad...

My Father-in-law...

My wonderful husband...

They are all amazing fathers to all of their children...

Happy Father's Day!

A day at the POOL!

Our Saturdays are so random now that we don't have baseball games.

So, this morning I went to the Ladies' Brew Group...we met for breakfast since we'd just finished the study we were doing.

Then I came home and finished up some work.

Then we went to the first of the post-season parties...yeah, I know. Baseball again.

We're almost done.

Really.

One of the families has a pool, so we were all invited for some fun in the pool.

(Remember us...those people who moved back to civilization after 4 years of exile in the Great Frozen North?!? My children don't know how to swim....because it's too cold to go to the pool in the Great Frozen North.)

So, we got all suited up and sun-screened-up, and headed out to the party.

And it was exciting!!

Until Justin jumped right in...to the deep end.

And he doesn't know how to swim.

And I think my heart stopped.

Yeah, we were all a little scared.

And the other mom just jumped right in and got him up and handed him to me.

And he coughed and gagged and cried.

And I hugged my 8-year-old baby, and talked him through his being scared, and he got back in and sat on the stairs for a while.

And then he got back in and played and REALLY had a good time!!

And we all had FUN.

With water guns.

And masks and snorkles.

And noodles...the swimmy ones.

And lots of other kids.

And sun.

And bugs.

And there was pizza.

And sodas.

And cake and candy.

And more trophies. and other fun stuff!!

And then we came home and I worried about my son...because I'd read this article, so now I need to go up and check on my son....

Living in the aftermath of Depression

As I have stated before, I have been dealing with Depression for a long, long time. Twenty years, at least. Added to that is the fact that when you're depressed, you feel abandoned, alone, and every day seems to drag. So twenty years has felt like FOREVER. I have a friend who is dealing with similar things for a similar amount of time. She is also working on dealing with things from her past in an effort to get to where God wants her to be. It's a process...long, arduous....and our husbands don't understand. They just want us to be happy, and at least *my* husband doesn't understand why I can't just "knock it off" and start being happy.

I have another friend who is stuck...who doesn't believe that it is possible to get out of the hole that depression has put her in. I believe that it IS possible, but not alone. I wrote an email to a group that I am part of about this whole subject. I want to share it with you.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Just because I have experienced this does not mean I am an expert. First, all of us are different...we all have different backgrounds and experiences. Those things make us respond differently.

Secondly, I am glad to answer questions, but please keep in mind that I am not a professional. I am a person, just like you, who has struggled for a lot of years with this ugly thing called depression. God has lovingly brought me to a place where now it is not a daily struggle, but I also realize that I *could* easily go back there...I have to WORK to stay where I am now.

***THIS IS FROM MY EXPERIENCE***

I have learned that depression is something that catches us when we are already down, either physically sick, spiritually hurting, grieving, tired, what have you...depression is a "disease" of opportunity that builds on the fact that we are already feeling badly and quite possibly already questioning things.

I learned that because I was already questioning things, it was much easier for me to get my thinking turned around so that I was believing lies about myself and others. It was much easier for me to believe that people were out to "get" me, and to believe that they just didn't care...when in reality, they DID care...they just didn't know how to talk to me about being depressed and they wanted to help but didn't know how. *I* could not see it...because *I* was all tied up in how badly I was feeling...and that skewed every other thing I looked at.

I learned that just because *MY* thinking is skewed does NOT mean that the things I am thinking are true. This was VERY hard for me to admit as I am, by nature, a VERY proud person and it is HARD to admit to being in the wrong.

I learned that being *wrong* is NOT the same as being *bad*. These two words are NOT synonymous.

I learned that getting out of the pit of depression was not something I could do on my own. I HAD to have help...which meant that I had to get past those thoughts that everyone was out to "get" me, and give them the benefit of the doubt. I had to LET them help me. I also had to actually start believing that God really loved me, and wanted the best for me...that He would not set me up for failure.

I also learned that I was expecting too much of my husband. My husband is a brilliant, loving man who really wanted to help me, but he just didn't know how...he was not equipt for that. I had to get help FOR ME (and realize that it was not selfish to do so), so that I could THEN work on the issues in our marriage.

I learned that climbing out of that pit was not instantaneous...it took a whole year of counseling, at least once a week (and sometimes twice a week), plus exercise, getting more sleep, taking vitamins, eating better....before I got to where I am now. I had to remember that it took me a LONG time to dig myself into that pit and that I shouldn't expect to get out overnight.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

One of several things I have learned...depression almost always makeyou *feel* more alone than you really are, then, because you feelalone you react by isolating yourself even more, thereby reducing your chances of being less alone. It is a vicious cycle. Encourage your depressed friend to at the VERY least find someone she could go out to coffee withonce a week, even if it is just for 15 to 20 minutes, it will be someone to connect with.

Exercise is ESSENTIAL to beating depression. The more depressed you become, the less you feel like doing, when exercise is exactly what you need to help deal with/beat the depression.

Good nutrition. Again, these sound SO basic, but when you'redepressed, all you want to do is curl up in a ball somewhere, do nothing, and eat comfort foods...in my case, LOTS of comfort foods.If she can start off with just taking a multivitamin, and drinking plenty of water, she'll be getting on the right track.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I am not depressed, at this moment. I am not on any antidepressants. But, I still have to be on my guard. Every day, the lies keep trying to come back. Every day, I have to work at renewing my mind, putting facts in my mind that counteract the lies that my depression tells me.

Get out the Tissues....

I just found this over at Monday through Sunday, and had to share...

It made me think...and it made me cry....

Thursday Thirteen #23

Thirteen Things about the last week of school. 1. Too much is crammed into this week. 2. Monday was D.A.R.E. graduation. 3. Tuesday was softball practice... 4. ...and rain...which meant that hubby's 4 games were cancelled (YIPPEE!!) 5. Wednesday was 5th grade promotions... 6. ...and awards...our 5th grader was actualy awarded for his good attendance, even though we moved here in the middle of the year. 7. He got to leave school early, and go out to lunch with his dad! 8. Final baseball games...Tournament is OVER! 9. Jon's team lost their second game on Monday night. 10. Heather's team lost their second game last night. 11. Justin's team WON, again...they won every game all season long, and the whole tournament, too. 12. Today and tomorrow are 1/2 days... 13. We still have post-season parties for all three teams....pool parties and beach parties, with pizza and ice cream and lots of excited kids.... I'm hoping (foolishly?) that life will slow down a little bit now that summer is upon us. So we can do some things like go to the beach and spend some time with the cousins, at their pool... How is your summer stacking up?

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And the words everyone has been waiting to hear...

BASEBALL IS OVER...at least for our house! YIPPEE!!

Today has been a busy day...Actually, the whole week's been crazy...as if it's not crazy on a regular basis....

Monday was the 4th grade D.A.R.E. graduation.

And more baseball...Jon's team lost and was out of the tournament (can I just have my moment now, to jump up and down and cheer?...okay, done now)

Tuesday was Softball practice and rain.

This morning was my 12-year-old's 5th grade promotion and awards ceremony. (with LOTS of pictures).

Tonight, more baseball.

Heather's team lost (again, need my moment...).

Justin's team won...and got trophies...

The undefeated team

The awesome coach (I just have to add here...we've had alot of experience with coaches over the years...and this is one of the absolute best coaches I have ever seen. He motivated these 12 kids, and worked them hard, and they loved every minute of it! Thanks, Coach!)

The trophies.

The triumphant boy...

Yes, baseball is over. The husband's 3 softball teams are still playing, and the 14-year-old's team has yet to start their season. We still have a busy week or so of post-season parties (pizza and ice cream and swimming!), and then we'll be done until next spring. (I am VERY grateful that none of my children were picked for All Stars. I think my sanity would have deserted me at that point...).

Oh, and 2 more 1/2 days of school...and then I am officially insane...because I will officially have 1 child still at home, 3 in elementary school, 1 in middle school, and 1 in high school. Reserve a bed and cozy coat for me right now...I KNOW I'll need it soon!

Bling! I LOVE Bling!!

The type of Bling I present today is wearable bling...beautiful jewelry!
This beautiful jewelry is made by someone near and dear...my baby sister, Naomi!


She has a lot of beautiful stuff on display and for sale.

Some examples:

Earrings:

Bracelets:

Necklaces:

To see more go to Naomi's Jewelry
And if you're interested in more info, contact Naomi at nlwegdesigns@yahoo.com
Have fun over there!

Memories (installment 21)

**This section and one coming at a later date are very difficult for me to revisit, for obvious reasons. However, this is part of the path I've been down, and some of the things God is currently using in my life to minister to others, and so I share.

Early in the year 2000, soon after our baby #4 was born, hubby's company transferred him to their location in Greenville, SC, where he was doing much the same job as the one in Columbia.

I was home with our children in our cute little house, and he was commuting, until it was decided in February that it would be better for him to have an apartment in Greenville, and just come home on weekends.

(Background...in November, 1999, Jason was able to fulfill a life-long dream and was sworn into the Navy Reserves by his father.)

Some weekends, he had to go to Charlotte, NC for his drill weekends, so those weeks were LONG...I would end up not seeing him for several weeks at a time.

I was working again by this time, through a temporary service, at an accounting firm, hectically running around taking care of my 4 children, one of which was in kindergarten, and the other 3 were staying during the day with Jason's mother. Each day I would leave for lunch and run to my mother-in-law's home to nurse my not-so-little baby, and then hurry back to work. My mother-in-law would take all of the children home in time to meet the school bus, and I hurried home as quickly as I could.

Jason started coming home less frequently. He did come home in May, because he was flying out to Great Lakes, Illinois, for boot camp. The night before he left, I started developing a suspicion that something was dreadfully wrong.

While Jason was gone to boot camp, I got one phone call...indirectly...from him. I say indirectly because he called the friend he had reconnected with while I was in the hospital...the GIRL friend. She called me, and let me know that Jason was doing okay. I got more uneasy about where things were headed.

After Jason came back from boot camp, things went back to our new normal...him living in his apartment in Greenville, me living and working in Columbia...and growing further and further apart. Jason was not paying bills. He was spending money on big meals out, while I was struggling to keep my children fed on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and macaroni and cheese. The house payments were getting further and further behind. We started getting letters about the car being repossessed. We had no car insurance.

I was getting more and more depressed. I couldn't get through to Jason any more. He wouldn't talk to me. He wouldn't talk to his parents. The kids missed their daddy.

Finally, in September, 2000, I had all I could take. The car WAS going to be repossessed. I even had a date for them to pick it up. The house was going into foreclosure. I couldn't talk to Jason about it, because he didn't care any more. I was suicidal. Every afternoon, on my drive home from work, I contemplated bridge abuttments, and how quickly it would be over with if I just ran my little car into one. I always stopped short, because I didn't want my children to be parentless.

I went to my in-laws, and told them all I knew. I told them about the bills. The foreclosure. The reposession. The fact that Jason wouldn't talk to me. My suspicions about his living situation in Greenville...the girl's underwear that he had mistakenly brought home with him one weekend. I asked for help.

My father-in-law was the head elder of our little church, and he set a huge chain of events in motion. He and two other elders drove to Greenville one day to confront Jason. That was on a Wednesday. They went to his apartment and tried to get him to talk to them. He had nothing to say. Not one word. (Later he told me that he physically couldn't say anything.) They didn't see the girl, but her mail was sitting on the table, and her things around the room.

I was waiting at the in-law's home, dreading what I knew was coming. When my father-in-law called, and let us know how things went, all I could do was cry.

I was already severely depressed.

I could barely function.

Oh, I managed, somehow.

I kept going because my children needed me...and because we needed the little income I was bringing in.

But I thought my life had come to an end.

End of the school year fun

Tonight was the 8th grade dance.

No pictures.

Last night was the Awards Ceremonies.

Frances was inducted into the Junior Honor Society.

And received her Achievement Award.

And her School Letters.

I'm proud of my baby girl...She cleans up pretty good, huh?

Thursday Thirteen #22

Thirteen Things to do this week: Things to do this week 1. Clean my house. Seriously…my house looks as if a tornado went through it. 2. Catch up on laundry (as if) 3. Catch up on dishes(again…as if) 4. Finish my work for the week(of course) 5. Fix 8 more meals for a cumulative number of 40 people. 6. Cut up the fresh veggies in the fridge so they can be eaten for snacks. 7. Take kids to baseball games and practices…6 more games this week, 3 more practices… 8. Get the back yard mowed. 9. Walk every morning. 10. Get to bed on time every night (so I CAN get up and walk) 11. Get the 6-year-old to her appt this afternoon 12. Get me to my appt on Friday 13. Blog daily….and do a little blog hopping…. There's a LOT more, but I don't want to scare anyone else away...my poor little stat counter down there at the bottom of the page is feeling neglected...

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Blog your face

The girls over at Chic Critique have a fun contest going on....well, it WOULD be fun, IF I didn't have a lovely summer cold going on.

So, here's the rules....

Your post should include a minimum of the following (although please feel free to give us more, more, more, if you dare!)

1. a picture of your face, bare naked, unmade-up and fresh as a daisy


2. a list of the skin care and make-up products you use daily, with brand names and colors/shades


3. an "after" shot of your face all prettied up

For the "before" picture, I could give you ALMOST any picture I ever have taken of me, because I rarely wear makeup. I am just NOT a makeup girl.

What I use....In the shower, I use zap-it! Facial Wash with Salicylic Acid from the Melaleuca Pharmacy...because this almost-40-year-old STILL has nasty zits.

Then, I get out and use my Nicole Miller (from Melaleuca) Hydrating Facial Toner.

If I'm having my NORMAL day, that's all I do.

IF I am going out of the house, I use my Cover Girl Out-Last Smoothwear all-day eyeliner, in onyx and my Cover Girl Volume Exact Mascara in Very Black.

and THAT, dear ladies, is ALL I do.

And HERE is my AFTER picture....in all of my glory.

I have a dilema

I have a summer cold...the WORST thing in the world...let me just say that. When others are blissfully enjoying their day at the beach or pool...poor little Laura is sitting home downing cup after scalding cup of hot tea and honey, and popping cough drops, wishing she could just sleep away the next 2 weeks until the cold from hell has run its course.....

...okay, back to my dilema. I just took some Nyquil. I WANT to sleep. I do NOT however want to cough all night long. Or sneeze. Or blow my poor red nose every 10 minutes all night. I just want to SLEEP.

My husband...wonderful man that he is...is an internal combustion engine...always running a little hot. Always needing the air flow to keep him from overheating. Which is why the house A/C is always set on "Freeze"....

See, if I had it my way, the windows would be opened, and I would be thoroughly enjoying the beautiful ocean breezes God gave us to compensate for having to live in this aweful humidity. Oh, I digress again. Sorry. Really...this is the Nyquil messing with my brain. Honest.

When hubby's gone, I sleep in my sweats. and socks, and two blankets. In the summer. SERIOUSLY. When I sleep, I get COLD, and that wakes me up, so my goal is to stay warm enough to stay asleep.

Hubby's goal is the exact opposite. When he gets warm, he can't sleep. He MUST be COLD ENOUGH to sleep. So, we have the A/C permanently set to "freeze"....and the ceiling fan set to "airplane engine" speed....and the box fan blowing directly on us...set to "arctic blast." Because my man must have his beauty rest in the freezer that is our bedroom.

So, I'm trying to go to bed. Honestly. But with the fans trying to run me out of there, I have to snuggle up to Mr. Combustion Engine just to get warm enough to sleep....but that means that the fans are blowing "arctic blast" right in my face...meaning I am just going to lay there and cough...

Oh, and I only got 3 hours of sleep last night...I was really hoping to catch up tonight...maybe the Nyquil will really kick in soon, and I'll get some sleep despite all the fans...

Baseball is (hopefully?!?) drawing to a close

This is the last week of baseball games....well, until they start tournament this weekend. It's a double-elimination tournament, which means that each team plays until they have lost two games. Since two of the kids' teams are ranked as #1 in their age bracket, I'm afraid we're in for another REALLY long week next week. Last night we had two games...one of which started at 7:30 pm and the second started at 8:00 pm....ending at 9:00 and 10:00 pm, respectively. My kids' bedtimes are 8:00 and 9:00 pm...so getting them up this morning was fun.....

In the mean time, we have at least one more game this week, plus doctor's appointments for myself and the 6-year-old, a WIC appointment today, an 8th grade dance on Friday, and Field Day at two different schools on Friday. I'd like to catch up on the house (yeah, right), the laundry(who am I kidding?!?), and keep up with my work. The vacuum cleaner decided not to work, the kids are too anxious to be outside to be much help and Hubby is now coaching TWO softball teams (as of yesterday) and playing on a third, plus working full-time, and in school full-time. If it is going to get done, **I** have to do it...ALL of it.

So, if I disappear for a while, it will be because I fell asleep and slept through all the alarms....because work always goes faster after midnight, right?

Memories (installment 20)

After being a truck driver for about 6 months, Jason found a job closer to home, working for a business interiors company as a warehouse manager. It was a good fit for him...he enjoyed the work and people really like him and his work. The company was a great company, and things seemed to be looking up.

At this point, I was pregnant with baby #4...due on December 12th, 1999.

As Thanksgiving drew near, Jason and I talked it over, and decided that it was time to really start working on rebuilding our relationship with my family. I talked to my grandmother, and we decided to head to North Carolina for our family get-together for Thanksgiving. My grandparents had just gotten back from a cruise and spending some time in Italy, and it was good to see them so happy. Grandpa had a little bit of a cold or something, so he wasn't feeling great, but we all got to visit with him, and the kids got to see their great-grandparents, grandparents, great-aunts and -uncles, second cousins, and aunt and uncles. We had a lot of fun.

Two weeks later, Grandpa was in the hospital, dying. It turns out that the cold was too much for his body, and he died in early December. My brother and I drove back to N.C. for his funeral. I was hugely pregnant...due any day, and miserable. Of all my relatives, Grandpa was my favorite.

Based on my history, I was not at all surprised when my due date came and went with no baby. Then Christmas, then New Years...I was getting TIRED of being pregnant...and just ready to have that baby.

January 6th, as we were getting ready for work, my water broke. We piled kids into the car, took them to the grandparents' place, and headed to the hospital, where they confirmed that yes, this baby was going to make an appearance, finally. About lunch time, Jason headed down to the cafeteria to get some lunch while I was busy, waiting my way through contractions. When he got back from the cafeteria, he was all excited...he had run into some friends from growing up...their grandmother was in the hospital, and he got to see the whole family. I vaguely remembered the friend, but was otherwise occupied, and really didn't pay much attention.

At around 1:30 p.m., Justin Thomas made his appearance...he was 25 days late, and weighed in at 10 pounds 3 ounces. We spent the night at the hospital, and headed home the next day.

I didn't know it, but my life was about to make a drastic change.

Fun Stuff

I found this at Jenn's blog, Enjoying the Ride

Highlight the ones you've done.
01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath
08. Said I love you and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was too drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs.
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played a Computer game for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children ~ I'm in the process!
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken some one's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth ~ many, many times!
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed some one's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Para sailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved some one's life

Wow. I did a lot more than I thought! Try it! You'll probably surprise yourself!