Friday, May 21, 2010

Frustrated and angry...

I wanted to cry all the way back from the office of the pediatric neurologist today. I didn't. I DID cry in frustration in front of him.

I wanted to scream at him as he sat there with his smug I-am-god-hear-me-roar attitude. I didn't. I DID question why he couldn't come up with any more possibilities besides a psychogenic/psychosomatic disorder.

I wanted to beat myself up for getting my hopes up. I'd like to say I didn't do that...but in reality I am still doing that. I am also beating myself for actually buying into his spiel.

Our trip over to see the neurologist today was quite likely a collossal waste of time. The ONLY positive that came out of it was having him order an MRI of her cervical spine. That was only part of what I wanted. I really wanted them to do an MRI of her head and full spine. Really...she's going to be there anyway...why not go ahead with the whole thing?

So, you take one teen who can feel nothing in her hands and arms. Add in one concerned mother, and an unnamed, undescribed neurologist, and you get a "diagnosis" of psychosomatic or psychogenic illness....not saying she's faking it. He used words like "self-hypnosis"....really?!? Said that *I* am causing this to be prolonged by giving it any attention. Seriously?!? like I don't already have enough Mommy-Guilt happening.

What next? I have no idea. I don't know where to start. I know she already has an appointment with a counselor on Monday. Which the *&&^%% neurologist thinks will be useless. Whatever.

I wonder how many of his "20% of all cases we see" that he claims are psychosomatic go on to find a different diagnosis from a doctor that gives a crap.


Tara Anderson said...

Wow!!! Sorry you're having to struggle with this!!! We used doctors in the CHKD system with all three of my kids, and it seemed like they were always trying to convince me that it was worse than it really was! Poor Eli had so much bloodwork done...for nothing...and when they tried it with Eva I put my foot down. I know it's hard having to "get in their face" but you may just have to fight this one, Momma! Praying for you and love you lots!!!

marcie said...

Laura, I'm so sorry. I can only imagine the frustration here. The guys who are "supposed" to know, end up giving you the impression they don't know any more than you do, but won't admit it. Try to cover it up with fancy technical jargon.

While I was praying this morning, I felt an overwhelming urgency to pray with intensity--if that makes any sense...and it was for YOU..possibly why you held yourself together. God knows. But I'm also keeping on...for some reason this is making ME angry, too.

Know that I'm fighting this battle right alongside you, on my knees at the throne. Many persistent mothers have, indeed, found the answers they were looking for. You will be another.

Don't despair..the answers are THERE...they WILL be forthcoming! love you, and the whole gang. Just keep posting...

D'Etta Lasky said...

I'm not up on the case, but have you tried chiropractic? That could be causing the numbness.

Stacey,momof 2 said...

I wish I could offer more than prayers - :)
- but I am at a loss of who's "door" to knock on next.. I wonder if a Physical Therapist might help???

Anonymous said...

Laura, I'm so sorry to hear that this struggle is still ongoing! How horribly frustrating! I just prayed that God would give healing to your daughter, openmindedness to the drs involved, and wisdom for how to express what needs to be explained to them in spite of the runaround/ nondiagnosing that you're getting.
Hugs from down south!
Kim Hecht