Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Boy, was I wrong.
At some points in the last 23 years, I thought I married the wrong person.
That was also wrong.
At various points along the way, I thought I was married to a prospective Marine, a college student, a pastor, a door-to-door salesman, a construction worker, a truck driver, a security guard, a prison guard, a Navy supply guy, a potential Navy Chaplain, a grad student, a sandwich maker, a desk-sitter-behinder, a world-traveler, a stay-at-homer, a soft-ball aficionado, a lover of football, and NASCAR, and basketball, and bowling, and baseball.
At various points along the way, any one of the above could have described my husband, but they were not HIM.
After 23 years of marriage, you would think I would KNOW my husband. In fact, I thought I DID know him. I know about his habits, his mannerisms, his patterns of speech, the way he twitches as he falls asleep, his smell, his smile, his favorite foods, and his favorite football teams.
However, there is more to knowing someone than knowing ABOUT them.
Knowing the inside of a person is every-so-much more important than knowing about their habits and their favorite teams. Somewhere along the way, I also thought I knew the insides of my husband.
I know he loves God.
And I know he loves his parents.
And his children.
And I know he loves his country.
But there is lot more to him than all of that, and I had a different perception of who he was on the inside.
You see, background and experiences gave me a set of lenses for how to see the world, but also how to see my husband.
So the same teachings that said I needed to be a doormat, also said that he would walk on me.
That was wrong.
The teachings that told me I needed to wait on him hand and foot also told me that he EXPECTED and DEMANDED that I do so.
That was also wrong.
The teachings that said I had to dress in certain ways and behave in a certain manner also taught me that he would be unable to control himself unless I did everything right.
That was WAY off-base.
Those same teachings that said my actions would save our marriage, also told me that any misstep on his part was my fault and that he (and the rest of the Christian world) would blame me.
Obviously, there are some things I still have to learn about my husband. I am so glad to learn that some of my skewed perceptions of him were wrong...and I am loving seeing the absolutely amazing man I actually married. I am SO GLAD he is NOT who I thought he was!!