Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Not because I am a Christian, though there seems to be an air of suspicion around that.
Rather, I feel like a child being punished for things I cannot change.
I feel punished for placing the care of my small children in front of getting a degree and having a career.
I feel punished for moving many times, going where my husband is sent by the military.
I feel punished because having a "later" start on my career means that things are tighter financially than they "should be" for someone my age.
I feel punished for not having a relationship with my mother.
I feel punished for not being an extrovert.
I feel punished for my PTSD symptoms.
Reading back through this, I see that I feel punished for being me, for *not* being who others think I should be, and for a myriad of things over which I have never had any control.
I *KNOW* that punishing me is not the intent of anyone. However, being marginalized because of my age, because of my gender, because of my status as a military wife and mother, because of my traumas, and because of my personality really feels like an unending set of blows from which I am having trouble recovering.
Honestly, I know that somehow God is teaching me something through all of this, and that HE will work it all out in His timing...and because I know that, all of this is a challenge, but is not insurmountable.
I just have to remember that while I'm in the thick of it.
Posted by Laura Paxton at 1:56 PM