I realized today (with the help of my therapist) that I AM grieving right now.
I am also grieving the relationship I have never had with my mother, and which became even more clear to me over the past month, will never happen. I grieve the painful, incomplete, one-sided forgiveness for abuses heaped-on. I grieve the human frailty that denies any chance at reconciliation. I grieve the ravages of disease on a once-brilliant mind. I grieve the loss of opportunity for my children to connect with this grandmother.
Yes, I am grieving. I actually cried today for the first time since learning that Grandma had passed away...frankly, it was a relief to cry.