Monday, February 6, 2017

February, 2017

This going to be rambling, and probably not very coherent.  Sorry.

First, this month marks 25 years that we have been promised to each other.  We were engaged in February, 1992.  We will celebrate 25 years of marriage in October.

Several things.

This man has been an instrument God used to rescue me.  And I DO mean that literally.  He has been with me through recovery from PTSD (still in that!), and saw me buried under some pretty intense depression that almost took me away.  He has soothed anxieties that I didn't know I had, and pretty much been the rock I needed when I didn't know that my foundation was faulty.

He saw through the fake front that my family projected, and took me out of the abuse and control and demeaning situation I was in.  He has encouraged me, and built me up, and continues to support and encourage me.

My parents hated him.  HATED.  They did everything they could to separate us.  And still he stuck around, and tried to be a good son-in-law.

There have been tough times...but God.
I have doubted....but God.
I was told repeatedly that it would never last...but God.

That said, God is still working on us...we will always be a work-in-progress.

Second, there is a mistaken thought in some Christian circles that parents always know who is the best spouse for their children.  This is a faulty thought-process.  Parents are NOT God.  Parents do NOT know everything.  Some parents do not even have their child's best interests in mind.  Even parents who claim to be Christians fall into that last group.

I suffered so much mental anguish for YEARS because my parents HATED my husband, and many in my advisory circle thought I should have followed what they said and not married him.  There was a blow-up 2 weeks before the wedding.  It was not pretty.  Jason told them to stop harassing me, and not to bother coming to the wedding, due to the fact that EVERY time I got on the phone with them, trying to plan what was supposed to have been the happiest day of my life, they made me cry.  They belittled me.  They disparaged me.  They tried to control me from 2 hours away.  They complained about how much money we were spending.  (They put very little money into it...the total cost of the wedding ended up being less than $2,000, and Jason and I paid for most of it.)

Two and a half weeks after the wedding (election day 1992), I had a miscarriage.  The words of "comfort" I heard?  "I told you that you didn't have to marry him."

We have come a LONG ways since then.
24 years.
6 more children.
20+ moves in 5 states.
More jobs than I can count.
More cars than I care to figure out.

Education, exposure, and encouragement have made a HUGE difference in who I am today.  I have had several counselors express amazement that I never ended up with any addictions (outside of caffeine...NOT going there!), given the abuse and control I grew up under, and which no one outside the family saw.

People question why I would "expose the dirty laundry".  "Why talk about it now", they ask, "that's in the past."

First, my story is MY STORY.  It is how I came to be who I am today.  Telling my story is how I heal, and how I show all that God has done in my life.

Second, I tell my story for others whose stories are hidden, to give them courage.  You CAN be different.  You CAN overcome those lies people tell you.  You CAN be who God made you to be.

Third, an exposed dirty story has less power.  The longer these abuses and lies are hidden, the more power they have, and my life now is about breaking those chains of control that those lies and that abuse has over me.  My education has taught me the power of exposing "family secrets", and how freeing it is for everyone involved.

I love doing life with this man.  I love the month of February...it is the month I first had PROOF I was really loved by someone.  And he continues to show it to me every day of every year since then.  I am so glad I said "YES!" 25 years ago!!

No comments: