Team Paxton

Jason's Commissioning/Ordination

2012-01-15T13:41:00.000-05:00

Jason with Pastor Steve

Daniel's charge to Jason

Julie's charge to Jason

Dave's charge to Jason

Add caption

Praying over Jason

Images from Christmas, 2011

2012-01-15T13:34:00.000-05:00

Our Christmas Card display

Frances and Papa doing puzzles

Christmas lunch/dinner

Christmas music, via "poppers", thanks to Great-Grandma Hestir

The junk food, thanks to both sets of grandparents.

Our Christmas this year was quiet, calm, and spent at home. There were very few presents, though the day after there was shopping. I think I like doing Christmas this way...sort of.

I've been MIA

2011-12-30T07:35:00.000-05:00

The last 27 days (since I wrote) have been full. Jason started back to work. I have been working. The kids have had Christmas plays, and Christmas concerts, and Christmas parties. We've been BUSY.

Now that we are past Christmas, and getting ready to head back into school and work, I wanted to take a second to say thank you to everyone for your encouragement over the past year.

2011 has been a tough year, a year of learning and growth to be sure, but tough, and I am glad that it is almost over with. Hopefully, as we adjust to a "new normal", and the new year, I'll be able to get on here a little more often. For now, I'm going to go get some coffee....

Because he's crazy like that...

2011-12-03T20:57:00.000-05:00

...Jason ran 10 miles this morning...just for the fun of it!

Week (and month) in Review

2011-12-02T16:13:00.000-05:00

Bullet-points, or I'll not get it all in...
This last week has been BUSY...

Thanksgiving, November 24
Heather's birthday November 25
Drive back to VA from SC on Saturday, November 26
Church on Sunday
Put the "not-boyfriend", 2 little girls, 1 neighbor girl, and the 14-year-old to work raking leaves...4 bags out to the street.
Kids back to school on Monday
Jason and Laura raked 10 more bags of leaves out of the back yard.
Laura finishing final projects on Monday
Monday also included kids to venturing, one kid to PT, and Jason to a birthday party.
Laura back to school Tuesday (ALL day)
Tuesday the dogs got out and wandered the neighborhood for 4 hours...lots of worry and tears...
Wednesday was a work-day, and shopping at the exchange.
One kid to PT on Wednesday.
Thursday was a work-day, and a relatively quiet evening at home.

November also included:

Jason completed his year in Bahrain and arrived home on November 5th.
Frances got her class ring stuck on her finger, and had to have it cut off.
I had to get two tires replaced on our 2008 van.
We traded in our 2008 van for a 2012 van...2 weeks after the tire change.
We all survived another month of school.
We got the new Christmas tree set up...but no decorations on it...still need to find the box of ornaments.

I know it's not November any more...we're going to a Christmas party tonight!! And two kids are going to a Leadership seminary. And Jason is running a 10-mile race tomorrow. Whatever happened to calm and quiet weekends?!?

Thanksgiving in South Carolina

2011-11-28T00:00:00.001-05:00

We had an amazingly relaxing few days in South Carolina with Jason's parents...we got to SLEEP, and to EAT (and deep-fried a yummy turkey!), and the kids went FISHING, and we DECORATED for Christmas.... Thank you to Nana and Papa for letting us come spend a few days at your wonderful retreat!! (It was GREAT to see Papaw, too!!)

The homework still had to be done.

Nana getting the tree just right.

Jason and Jon wrestling the bird.

Jon trying to get away with drinking MY Cheerwine.

Leah and Papaw spent *almost* every day fishing.

We celebrated Heather's 14th Birthday.

Paxton family pictures...4 generations!

Penny, Robert (Papaw) Shipp, and Chuck

Nana and Papa with 6 Paxton grandkids!

Nana with the girls.

Great-granddad (Papaw), Granddad (Papa), Son (Jason), and two grandsons.

Welcome Home, LS1 Paxton!!!

2011-11-27T12:25:00.000-05:00

I am SO VERY excited! I just got our pictures back from Kiyomi Photography (Via Operation Love ReUnited) of Jason's homecoming, and I have to share!! She did an excellent job....

Senior Picture day in Richmond

2011-11-01T07:38:00.000-04:00

Sunday, the kids and I packed up and drove to Richmond to meet with our friend and photographer, Jimmy Sadler, to have Frances' Senior pictures taken. While there, I took a few pictures of my own....on my phone because I didn't bring my real camera. Yes, it was one of THOSE days.

So, here are a few of MY pictures from the day...

The guest of honor...My pictures do not do her justice.

Jimmy's pictures of all of the kids are MUCH better than mine...but those will have to wait until another time...

My first baby is a SENIOR!

2011-10-29T14:28:00.000-04:00

Last night was Senior Night for Frances' Marching Band. I got to go, and was able to (finally!) get pictures of her in her uniform.

This is the child who HATES to have her picture taken.

Mom pinning on her corsage.

All 16 seniors in the band.

The seniors (Frances is on the very left with crutches!) with their Director, Mr. Tim Rossettini.

I am so very proud of Frances! With each student, they read off where they wanted to go to school, and what they planned to do afterwards...of the 16 Seniors, she was the only one planning to go to a Christian school, and she specifically said she wanted to go the mission field.

Loving being a mom....

Accomplished Much? (aka A Year in Review)

2011-10-26T12:55:00.003-04:00

One of the themes of deployments seems to be staying busy. Actually, when one talks to other military spouses to learns ways of coping with deployments, one of the frequent recommendations is to stay busy. With that in mind, when I knew that Jason was going to be deploying for a year's time, we moved to a new house, I registered for grad school, and threw the kids into as many activities as was humanly possible to get them into.

Okay, not really. We DID move, and I DID register for grad school...but the throwing kids into activities? They did that all on their own.

So, since this deployment is winding down, I wanted to list (for myself, mostly) what we DID accomplish while Jason was gone...starting (somewhat) chronologically.

In August, we moved into our new home.

In September, I started Grad school, and the kids all started back to school...in new schools for 5 of them.

In October, Jason and I went out to celebrate our 18th anniversary the night before he left to go to South Carolina for training. We also had our family pictures done by a dear friend (see the header above). I went to visit Jason for the last weekend before he left the country.

I got a call from the insurance company that our insurance would be cancelled if we didn't install railings on the front porch and back steps, so we got that done.

In November, Jason arrived in his deployment locale...

For Thanksgiving, we had a friend from grad school over for Thanksgiving dinner.

We celebrated Heather's 13th birthday by spending the evening of her party in the emergency room, getting her broken wrist x-rayed, and then getting a cast put on it almost a week later.

In December, we traveled to South Carolina for Christmas, visiting with Jason's family and my family, and friends. Jason celebrated with friends from the Chapel on base. We also celebrated the birthdays of Frances (17) and Katherine (7).

We also got to celebrate with Jason's mom and a whole lot of friends for her 60th birthday.

In January, I started my Practicum, hired a girl to help out during that time, worked, and went to school....and kept the kids busy in their schools and other activities. We celebrated Justin's 11th birthday. I also applied for my Passport...

In February, I got my Passport in the mail(!), organized, studied, worked at my Practicum site, celebrated my birthday (ha! like I'd tell you which one!!) and prepared a schedule of weekly/daily events for my mother-in-law...and then got on an airplane....

...oh, and we added another ball of fur to the house.

I started March visiting with my husband in the "vacation locale" where he is currently deployed...then flew back, took over the kids again, fought jet lag, and went back to classes and finished the semester. We also celebrated Leah's 9th birthday.

In April, we celebrated Jason's birthday via Skype (and watched him open his box!), and Jon's 15th birthday.

May saw school performances, winding down for the school year...

...and a freak storm that took out a substantial branches in both the back and front yards.

In June, we had a farewell for some dear friends from church who were moving away, and I painted, and painted, and painted....the rails took me entirely too long (I'm a perfectionist!)

Isn't he good looking?!?

Jason came home at the end of June for his R&R...

...and during the time he was home, we had visits from his parents, two other friends from out of town, and Jason and the two littlest girls were in a wedding. Jason and I also were able to get away for a couple of days before he had to head back.

August meant Operation Purple Camp for 4 kids, and Band Camp for the other two...and I headed back to school. It was Ramadan in the "Vacation Locale"...which meant that Jason didn't do an awful lot for that month.

September meant school again for everyone....a total (for the family) of 1 elementary school, 2 middle schools, 2 high schools, and 2 grad schools.

And LOTS of school supplies!!

October ended up being one long band competition. Or not. But it seemed like it. Oh, and I went and visited Jason for our 19th anniversary. And did school. And taxied children. And organized the world...or not. Things are starting to get blurry at this point, since it's all winding to a close and I am just...soooo...tired....

So, We don't have much time left - less than two weeks now. And my thing I am most proud of from this year of accomplishments? I grew. I did all of this. I am doing grad school, and doing it well. We had tough times. Things (and people) broke, but we didn't fall apart (I had a LOT of help in *that* particular department!!). The biggest thing has been how much I have grown Spiritually. God has done tremendous things in my life over this year, which made all of the hardships worth it, in the long-run.

Yes, we accomplished a lot this year...but there is no way we could have come out of this so well without the prayers of friends, and the loving hand of our Lord on our lives the whole way.

You'd never guess...

2011-10-24T20:21:00.001-04:00

...that my husband spend his WHOLE year deployed READING.

This is the 50 pounds of books I brought home for him, because that would be cheaper than shipping them!!

Now I just need to find another set of bookshelves for his books....mine are already overflowing all over the place!

Abandoned Tea Party

2011-10-23T17:20:00.000-04:00

The scene of the party

Notice who we have at the party

Poor Larry...he looks a bit peeved to have been abandoned.

The Bitty Babies are tired of waiting to be rescued.

This one is trying to make her escape.

I love the fun my kids have...just wish they'd clean up after themselves!!

He spent a week in Kuwait...

2011-10-22T12:41:00.000-04:00

...and all I got was this:

...and this...

I happen to think the first one is better looking than the second, but it was sweet of him to get it for me!

Thoughts...at 38,000 feet...

2011-10-21T10:27:00.000-04:00

I’m sitting on a very dark Boeing 777, somewhere over Turkey. (Note: I wrote this sometime on Tuesday...)

I spent the last week visiting my husband in his little neck of the woods….it was lovely. I THOROUGHLY enjoyed visiting with him, and seeing friends made on my last visit there….and helping him start getting stuff ready to come HOME!!! As of this moment, he has 2 days until he moves into a hotel, out of the flat he has called home for the last year. He has to pack all of his stuff up, and mail it off to the house, and will be home during the first week of November. I can’t wait!!

Meanwhile, the pilot has illuminated the “fasten seatbelts” sign, which means I can’t get up to go to the bathroom….so I type some more.

I have had a restful week…no kids, no housework (well, maybe just a little), no pets, no classes…I SLEPT. It was amazing. I did not catch up on sleep...after all, I spent 21 hours on planes going to see him, and the time difference is 7 hours. No definitely did not catch up on sleep. But it was restful…I told our Chaplain friend and his wife today that my visits there have both seemed like a spiritual retreat…a chance for me to be fed, and to rejuvenate…and to recognize some more areas that need work.

I DID actually do some homework….I still have some projects that need to be typed up…but two big ones are mostly done. I studied for my Ethics exam. I made a lot of progress. I need to make a LOT more. Plus house cleaning, kid hauling/wrangling, and generally preparing to have my husband home. Sigh.

I’m ready. He is, too. The kids are ready. The people at church are ready. Now, we just have to wait out the last two weeks….

It makes "scents" to me.

2011-10-10T09:44:00.000-04:00

This is a repost from my Notes on Facebook.

Every so often I get invitations to spend time with friends - much-needed time, I might add - and cannot do it.
I WISH I could spend time in friends' homes, but I can't.
I wish I could borrow that cute jacket/dress/skirt/shirt you offered me, but I can't.
Sometimes I can't even bear to spend time in your presence...or your cars.

Why?, you ask.

Because your layers of scents emanating from your car, your home, your very person....you give me migraines. I will probably try...once, twice, maybe even three times...but you will probably notice that I am in pain...my head, my joints...and that I'm having a hard time putting words together into coherent sentences.

I love good smells as well as the next person, but in their naturally-occurring form.
I LOVE the smell of fresh-baked cake, cookies, cinnamon rolls, etc., but put that same scent in a candle, and I will regret smelling it for the next 2 or 3 days.
I enjoy perfumes, colognes, body sprays, lotions, etc., but do NOT spray them when I'm in the room with you, please.
If you use fabric softeners, please know that they make me ILL...very, very ill. Dryer sheets, liquid softeners...all of them.
If you use air-fresheners - either the spray kinds, or the PlugIns...I cannot come into your home. I'm sorry.

So, now you know how these things affect ME. Do you know how they affect you?

Candles: From a study on candles (http://www.lead.org.au/lanv7n4/L74-9.html)

"Scented candle usage indoors may cause high levels of respirable soot, with risks to occupants for both acute and chronic health effects, including an increased risk of cancer. Similarities between candle and diesel soot, suggest the potential for similar toxicological effects on exposed occupants."

Air Fresheners: (http://healthinmotion.wordpress.com/2007/10/21/air-fresheners-create-toxic-air-soup/)

Did you know that by using an air freshener in your living room, you are probably breathing in more toxic substances than you would in the middle of a traffic jam in Los Angeles?

and

But in spite of what manufacturers would have us believe, air fresheners do not “purify” the surrounding air, nor do they add natural fragrances. In fact, they coat the nasal passages with an oil film (such as methoxychlor – a pesticide that accumulates in fat cells) or by releasing a nerve deadening agent (www.consumerlawpage.com), to drown out whatever smells may be deemed offensive.

Fabric Softeners (http://www.ourlittleplace.com/notice.html)

People are discovering that fabric softeners are some of the most toxic products made for daily household use. They contain chemicals (like chloroform, benzyl acetate and pentane) that are known to cause cancer and/or damage to lungs, brain, and nerves. These chemicals are even more dangerous when heated in clothes dryers. The toxic fumes then go into neighborhood air and everyone for blocks around is forced to breathe them in.

Fabric softener chemicals are made to stay in clothes fibers and slowly release for a very long time. That slow release of chemicals into the air affects the health of those wearing the clothes and of people around them.

Some symptoms caused by fabric softener fumes are: tiredness that is not cured by resting, difficulty breathing, nervousness for no known reason, difficulty concentrating and remembering, dizziness, headaches, sick stomach, feeling faint, rashes and/or difficulty controlling body movements.

Babies, children, older people, and people who are already sick are especially hurt by these chemicals. Damage can be permanent, causing lifelong illness. Babies often react with rashes, frequent crying and/or diarrhea. Disinfectants can have the same effects. Experts suggest a possible connection between Sudden Infant Death ("crib death") and the use of these products for washing baby clothes and crib sheets and blankets.

Most fabric softeners have fragrance added to them, which makes them even more toxic.

and from The Environmental Health Association of Ontario (http://www.ehaontario.ca/help-with.htm):

It is the most toxic product produced for daily household use. It has been found to be associated with numerous illnesses and chronic conditions.
It is widely advertised, widely used.
The effects of its toxicity are insidious; a user becomes "chronically maladapted" to it. The exposure is so constant that it can be difficult to connect the product with the signs of reactivity it causes. Neurostimulant/irritants and central nervous system toxins used in these products are known to produce an addictive-type response that may cause the user to experience a feeling of pleasure when the product is directly inhaled. Regular users of fabric softeners (and perfumes) also often claim they "can hardly smell it". This too is an effect of chemical ingredients on neural receptors.
The product is designed to impregnate fibres and slowly re-release for an extended period of time. That re-releasing affects the health not only of users, but those around them.

I don't know about you, but to me there is a LOT *NOT* to like about the scientifically proven risks of air fresheners, the over-use of scented candles, and any use of fabric softeners.

From the outside, looking in

2011-10-09T22:51:00.000-04:00

As long as I can remember, I have always been an outsider. Not just felt like it. Actually BEEN that one on the outside, looking in, wishing to be part of whatever is going on.

I grew up in a church community (if you've read much of my story you'll know) where our whole family were outsiders. Of the 400+ people in the congregation, my parents and *1* other person had college degrees. I grew up knowing that we were destined to not stay there, but to go on to college, and do other things with our lives besides farming and service jobs.

I grew up on one of the first recognized organic endeavors in the Southeast. NO ONE else considered not dumping Sevin-dust all over the vegetables growing in the garden. NO ONE else considered grass-raised beef and chickens to be a good thing. NO ONE considered hand milking a cow, and drinking non-pasturized, whole milk. I am grateful (EVER SO) that I grew up with that heritage...but it also made us even more different...and subject to even more cruelty from children...and their parents who should have known better.

We were DIFFERENT. Very. VERY. PAINFULLY. Different.

Then I grew up. Left for college. I had gone to a church-based school from 1st grade through 12th grade. My graduating class was 7 - of which 4 were graduating a year early...so they could get married, and got on with "real life". Sigh. Of our graduating class, 4 of us have college degrees. One has his doctorate. One is working on a Master's degree.

I digress.

College came, and I was DIFFERENT. My brother and I were freshmen together. People thought we were twins (No.). People didn't understand the clothes I wore (Dresses and head covering). I was dealing with the opposite of most of the kids there...this WAS a Bible college, after all, and there were dress standards, and rules for everything, including a curfew. Many of my classmates were dealing with extreme cases of culture shock. I was too, but opposite of theirs. Compared to what I grew up with, this was lenient. This was FUN! But I still felt like I was standing on the outside, looking in.

I'm married now...almost 19 years! Some days I still feel like an outsider...an impostor.

I'm an adult.

We own 2 cars.

We own a house.

We have 6 children.

My husband is in the Navy, and I have an ID card to prove it.

I'm a student yet again...graduate level now. This time, I don't fit because I'm not a 20-something, fresh out of college, looking for a mate, a job, and finding my way through life. Now, I'm a 40-something, surrounded by LOTS of little lives who are dependent on me, who look to me for guidance.

Some days, a LOT of days, I still feel like I am an outsider. I almost wonder how long it will take before people discover that I *don't* really know what I am doing, and they take away my "mom-card", or my adult-card.

I have never felt totally accepted by anyone.
I have rarely felt loved.

I don't know what it will take for me to feel accepted, to feel like an insider, to feel loved. I KNOW my husband loves me. I KNOW my kids love me. Aside from that, what happens? I think *I* am afraid to love, afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to act like I know anything for fear of being proven (in front of the whole world!) wrong.

In my head, I know the Scriptures. I know God talks about how incredibly much He loves us to have sacrificed His Son for us(John 3:16,17). I even saw The Passion of the Christ, and wept along as Jesus was whipped and beaten and killed for me. I cannot imagine watching my son go through such torture for anyone, much less for people who despised Him.

Despite all of that, I feel unloved. I feel like I don't belong. I feel like the permanent outsider, always destined to be made fun of, to be on the outside fringe of acceptability, to be misunderstood. I still live with the taunts from childhood playing like endless tapes inside my head. I live with the names I was called, and the pain of not being unconditionally accepted by those who should have loved me without limit. My pain mirrors what must have been their pain of living with much of the same.

Because of the pain, I struggle. I struggle with being the mom God wants me to be, that my children need me to be. I struggle feeling like I have no friends. I KNOW that I do...people to care for me, and pray for me, and check on me, and come for coffee, and give me great big tremendous hugs at church on Sunday morning. I *STILL* do not feel loved. I wonder if I've done enough. If I've proven myself good enough to be their friend. If they'll drop me...take away my "friend-card."

There's more...always more.
I don't like struggling.
I don't like the depression that comes because I know I'll never be good enough.
I'm tired.
I'm lonely.
I'm ready to be past this.

Then I try to talk to people. I try to get the pain off my chest. And when I start talking, I see people's eyes glaze over...or they run the other way, screaming. They can't deal with the pain that I bleed all over them. At least, that's what I imagine. I've been told too many times not to. To STOP telling others about my pain. The message I get is that people only want to hear positive things, so if I can't say only positive things, I need to keep it all to myself.

Until I explode. The problem with exploding is that the people I love have to deal with the shrapnel.

So then I try talking to someone paid to listen to me...counselors, therapists. And I start feeling better. I am convinced that I don't need them any more, I can face life on my own again. I have healthy strategies in place to deal with the old pain. Or maybe it's not a good fit, and I need to find someone who IS a better fit, but I have no time, no energy, no motivation...and I sit and wallow in my pain. Either way, the results are the same: I am in pain, and alone again...proving, yet again, my feelings of being unloved and unlovable.

....sigh....

I'm rambling. There is too much in my head, and too much to do, and I really don't have my thoughts all put together yet. Someday I'll try to come back and finish the thought.
Tonight, I must sleep.

So, I've learned some things.

2011-10-06T15:20:00.000-04:00

I will not be doing another drawing/giveaway on my blog.
Drawings and give-aways take a lot of work.
I don't have a lot of time to do the work necessary.
Even if I DO the work involved, people that sign up don't necessarily respond.
I STILL have a book to give to *someone*....God knows *I* don't need two copies.
I want to get this taken care of pronto...
...because I WILL NOT be doing another giveaway on this blog.

SO, I REALLY REALLY REALLY need someone, with a GOOD, active email address, who actually WILL respond to tell me they want this book, because I think it's an amazing book, and I want to give it to someone who wants and needs it.

If you're wondering about the book, check out my blog post book review of Faith Deployed...Again, by Jocelyn Green,

And again...the winner is....

2011-09-19T10:17:00.000-04:00

As I have waited an extended period of time, and have no other way of contacting our Anonymous winner, we're going to try again....

So now, the winner is......

Brittney Cones said...: I would really love a copy of this book! I've had such a hard time this deployment I am hoping it ends soon lol but I would absolutely LOVE This book to help me the rest of the way! Thank you for your kindness, Brittney Cones

Okay, Brittney!! Waiting to hear from you, so I can get the book, Faith Deployed...Again, in the mail to you!!

And the winner is....

2011-09-14T20:03:00.001-04:00

From Anonymous:
My hubby and I were high school sweethearts 20 years ago when he joined the Air Force. We split a few years later only to find each other 2 years ago. We got married last October and now he has been deployed for a month into a 6 month minimum tour. So technically, this is my first deployment. I would love this book to help with my guidance.

By Anonymous on Book Review: Faith Deployed...Again on 9/6/11

Please send me an email (lauralp9us@yahoo.com) with your mailing address (and your name, please!!), so I can get your book in the mail ASAP!!

Thank you everyone who came by for this book review!! I have loved "meeting" all of you, and hope to get to know some of you better over the next while!

The drawing...

2011-09-13T07:00:00.000-04:00

Yes, it will be happening, and I apologize for the delays. Migraine recovery and real life have interfered. I will be posting the winner tomorrow....Wednesday....

Thanks to everyone who came by!! I look forward to announcing the winner tomorrow!

Book Review: Faith Deployed...Again

2011-09-05T00:00:00.007-04:00

A couple of years ago I stumbled across a daily devotional/encouragement book written specifically for (and by) military wives, and DEVOURED it. Faith Deployed, by Jocelyn Green, was the beginning of my introduction to the world of Christian military wives' support.

When I heard that Jocelyn Green was compiling a second book, I was THRILLED, and eagerly anticipated the release of the newest book, Faith Deployed...Again. When I finally received my copy, I again dove into the world of other military wives, who over the years have experienced so many things similar to what I am living right now, and have lived to tell the stories in ways that are ever-so-effective tools to guide me along on this journey.

Faith Deployed...Again is another in the daily encouragement series compiled by Jocelyn Green, and written by Jocelyn and more than 25 Christian military wives, representing every branch of the military, and spanning several wars, dealing with many of the challenges faced as military wives, mothers, and girlfriends. Each of the stories illustrates God's unchanging character, and gives a supporting verse, as well as questions to challenge us to think further, and a prayer centered around the theme of that chapter.

As a Navy wife, living through a year-long deployment, each page has yielded encouragement and timely reminders that I need to be turning to the Lord for the strength I need to get through every day. My favorite section of this book has been the one labeled "Soul Armor: Guarding Against Spiritual Attacks". In this section, many different areas of struggle for military wives are boldly covered, including dealing with fear, negative voices, trust, staying above reproach in our sexual lives, dealing with PTSD, and recognizing the enemy's tactics. Especially meaningful to me was the one on trust, since this has been something I have struggled with this whole deployment, and reading that chapter was a very timely reminder that just as I trust God to care for my husband's safety while he is away from me every day, so too I need to trust Him to care for my husband's emotional well-being while he is away from me. This book has really challenged and encouraged me, and I look forward reading back through it again soon!

So, now I have a second copy (really, you don't want the one I've been reading...it's REALLY dog-eared!) to give away to you, one of my readers. So, please comment this week (before midnight on September 11th), let me know if you're interested, and I will randomly draw one of you to receive your very own copy of Faith Deployed...Again.

Looking forward to hearing from you...
Laura

Hurricane Irene

2011-08-27T17:45:00.002-04:00

Live posting from Virginia Beach...

Our lovely lady Irene is supposed to be here sometime in the next 2 hours. So far things have been relatively quiet, though ti has been raining for more than 24 hours.

Some scenes from our neck of the woods....

More later, after we survive Our Lady Irene!

Operation Purple Camp

2011-08-22T00:00:00.000-04:00

Because my husband is deployed this year, my children had the opportunity to attend a camp for military children, put on by the National Military Family Association. In Virginia, this occurred at the beautiful, if a bit far-removed-from-us, Camp Horizons, located in Harrisonburg, VA. Four of our children were there for this past week, and THOROUGHLY enjoyed themselves! Without further ado, here are pictures from camp, brought to you by Heather, our 13-year-old.

Heather with the girls from her cabin.

The JMU ROTC brought weapons for the kids to see.

Heather and Leah. SO glad they were able to be there together!

Justin.

Katherine with a counselor and a friend.

Justin with one of his counselors.

Katherine with one of the counselors from her cabin.

Scenes from hiking.

Katherine trying her hand at archery.

Katherine on the service project, picking squash.

There was dancing on the basketball court.

I think all four of my kids who were able to go had a blast. They made new friends, and experienced new things, and learned more about how strong they were.

I am very grateful that they had the opportunity to attend Operation Purple Camp this year!!

Where I prove that I can be organized (pictoral proof for my husband, who doesn't believe me)

2011-08-20T23:43:00.000-04:00

I took one of my "free" days this week, while four of the kids were at Operation Purple camp (post to come later, with pictures...), to lay the foundation for just a bit more organization in my life. Which revolved around school supplies, and the intense need for a place to store and organize the ever-growing need for supplies.

So, I compiled my list...this is for *4* children. The four youngest...

And I went shopping (of which there are no pictures...because I was alone!!)

And I bought out the store. Maybe.
You can see (if you look carefully) that this receipt goes on *forever*.

And I brought the lovely supplies home, and plopped them on the kitchen table so as to get some picture of just how much crap was involved in my children's "free" education. For which I am not finished purchasing supplies. And have spent an insane amount of money on...and not bought one single stitch of clothing.

THEN, I actually ORGANIZED them, in NEAT piles, in the closet...ready for use.

$175.00 later, and we are about half-way to being done with the school supply shopping for this year.

Exhaustion. (AKA, the honest truth about this deployment)

2011-08-17T20:54:00.000-04:00

I'm exhausted.

I think that deployments do this to us.

Many of us tend to take on the "I'm strong, and I am going to *beat* this deployment into submission" line.

Somewhere down the line, some later than others, we get to the point where we just can't do it any more.

We are physically exhausted trying to keep up with eleventy-dozen activities that the kids are in, and work, and keeping the house spotless, and the lawn mowed, and the pets to the vets, and the kids to the doctors...never mind back-to-school shopping.

Oh, and God-forbid we miss a phone call or Skype date.

So we don't sleep...because the kids are up early, and the husband is in a totally different time zone that sleeps when I'm awake, and so when I need to go to bed, he's available to talk, or play Scrabble, or fuss at me for not getting to the bank early enough....or (you'll love this!)...for not sleeping enough!

Then our bodies just can't handle the stress any more, because stress is E.X.H.A.U.S.T.I.N.G.

And let's face it, having our best friend in that other place, the one that might or might not be dangerous, but he's not HERE to help, to give us a break from the kids, to take over the car maintenance, and get someone to take care of the huge branch that just missed the house when it broke, or just to have his shoulder to cry one...yeah, all of that...it's stressful.

So we're already physically exhausted because we're trying to DO it all, by ourselves.

And we're mentally exhausted, trying to cover all of the bases with the kids (they're KIDS, they don't understand), and the parents/inlaws (who may or may not understand, but generally aren't close-by to help out with the day-to-day stuff), and the schools, and the DMV, and the bill collectors, and the neighbors, and...and...and you get the picture.

You get the picture. We're trying to hold the world together with spit and Duct tape.

Meanwhile, we are falling apart.

How do we prevent this falling-apart from happening?

We know that our friends *promised* to help out.
Yeah, we know you're busy, too.
Meanwhile, I just need someone - ANYONE - to take my daughter driving to get her behind-the-wheel hours in.
Oh, mowing the lawn. I know my teenager is supposed to do it, and he tries, but he doesn't know how to fix the weedeater...and he's in band camp...
Oh, and that branch? The big pieces that got cut out of the tree are still sitting back there waiting to be cut into usable logs.

We've all heard the stories - so heartwarming - of neighbors pitching in to help when the husband is deployed.
We say we want to support our troops.
But where the rubber meets the road...yeah, maybe there is a reason that the suicide rate for the families at home is on the rise. Maybe there is a reason that more and more spouses are on medications to help them deal with life...

Most days are good.
Most days I *can* get things done.
My house is presentable...not spotless...but then, there ARE 7 of us living here...I'm happy with presentable.
Everyone gets fed.
Everyone has a roof over their heads.
The homework gets done.
The laundry gets washed, and folded, and put away.

There's just this list...the one that is going to have to wait, because I am only one person, and can NOT fill the shoes of my husband while he is gone. Those are really big shoes...and I eagerly anticipate his being here to fill them again.

Meanwhile, life is going to get quite a bit crazy again here very shortly.
School starts in 20 days for the kids.
Back-to-school shopping still needs to happen.
School starts for ME in less than a week.
I need to shop for THAT, too.
I DO work from home...that still needs to happen.
I have two kids in band camp this week...backing-and-forthing....
I have to drive up to pick up the other four from Operation Purple camp this weekend.
Grocery shopping.
Doctor's appointments.
Getting yet another line added to the cell phone account.

Somehow people keep asking me to be involved in things.
Really good things
Band boosters.
PTAs.
This, that, and the other thing at the *5* schools the kids will be in this year.

I can't.
I am only one.
And somewhere in this mess that is my life, I HAVE TO take care of ME.

Which starts with SLEEP...

...working to beat back the exhaustion that threatens to destroy me....
Goodnight all!

Memories (Installment #30)

2011-08-07T16:55:00.002-04:00

A LOT of time has passed since I last wrote up my memories posts, so I thought I needed to add some more. I really am glad I am doing this...especially before I start losing the memories. It really amazes me that my children actually enjoy reading what I have written up so far!

My last post in the series covered Katherine's birth...she is now a brilliant, cute 7-year-old, getting ready to go into 2nd grade. We've covered a lot of ground, emotionally, relationally, and geographically, in the intervening years. Time for me to do some catching-up!!

***************

A few days after getting home from the hospital we went back into town for Katherine's first doctor's visit, and a subsequent visit to the labs at the hospital where it was determined that she was jaundiced, and were supplied with a "billi-blanket" - a handy wrap for the baby to get much-needed UV rays to assist in the breakdown of dead blood cells. We had dealt with jaundice with previous children, but never to this extent. After a few days of this, and her levels not going down as fast as needed, it was determined that it would be best for her to be in the hospital under super-duper lights, and she and I packed up and went back to the hospital, where we stayed for another four or five days. FINALLY, we were able to go home!

Soon after Katherine was born, our landlady decided to up our rent from the already-steep (for that area) $900/month, and there was no way we were going to be able to pay that, since our housing allowance for the area had only just been raised to a lofty $780/month.

An evening sunset view from our new front porch.

SNOW! From our porch.

We started looking around for another place, or rather - Jason started looking. I was a bit busy with homeschooling, packing, and a newborn baby. He was able to find a place that was going to be "cozy", but closer in price to our housing allowance, and he arranged for some guys from work to help us move...the first of February we moved into our "house" ...which was actually a mobile home placed on a foundation with a skirt under it. The landlord was the head veterinarian for the state of Montana, and it really seemed like an ideal situation. We were on 2 acres of land, in the middle of a field a few miles outside of Helena, but still in the valley. We had well water, and gas heat - which was HUGE, because it was MUCH cheaper to heat the place than was the last place with its electric baseboard heaters!

This was February, 2004. By August it was determined that there was no way we were going to stay afloat, even with the reduced electricity and rent, without more income. *sigh* I had to go back to work. Katherine was 8 months old when I started working full-time as an overnight cashier at Wal-mart. I was also still homeschooling. Yeah, I don't know how I managed to stay sane doing that, even for a short period, but the following year Frances, Jon, Heather, and Justin started school with everyone else, Frances going into 6th grade, Jon into 3rd, Heather into 2nd, and Justin into kindergarten.

*edited to reflect the correct years they were in school. You'd think I'd remember....

The rest of July...

2011-08-05T20:01:00.000-04:00

Since Jason left after his R&R, July both flew and dragged by.

There were chess games...

...played between the dog and the TOP dog (also known as the cat!)...

There was fun with flashlights...AKA how we entertain ourselves when the power is out.

There were visits with friends...

...and haircuts for the little dog...

...who apparently thinks he's human...

...or maybe he thinks he's a motorcycle mascot?

And then there was sunburn...

...and book buying...

...and cuteness in the form of GlamorGirl with her doggy-friend!

Very Frustrated

2011-08-04T14:42:00.002-04:00

Something is going on with Blogger...my "memories" post links are not working, it looks like installment #1 is missing, and part of #2 is not there. Sheesh....back to the drawing board.

Super- Excited!!

2011-08-03T19:18:00.000-04:00

I have some breaking news...only we're not going to break it yet...waiting on more pieces to fall into place. Just some hints...the news involves several things I like...reading, giva-aways, and travel.

How fun is that?!?! Can't wait!!! WOO HOO!!!

We're having SO much fun!!! (REALLY, we ARE!)

2011-08-01T21:13:00.001-04:00

Life is hectic. Always.
We have too much on our plates - nothing new.
The kids are involved in a lot.
Dad isn't home...
...so mom gets to play several roles at once...
...not news.

Things are getting ready to get a LOT busier.
Today was Justin's school picnic for the new middle school he'll be attending in the fall.
It was HOT.
Four of the kids went with me, and we were all miserable.
Justin got to meet a bunch of kids that he will be starting school with in 35 days.

This next weekend involves back-to-school shopping
(along with the whole rest of the state, since it is tax-free weekend).
I hate Hate HATE shopping...
...especially when there are thousands of other people bent on doing the same thing.
Should be fun.

Next week sees the beginning of band camp.
For two kids.
At two different high schools.
Competing high schools.
Should be a blast...that lasts for 2 whole weeks.

Then, during the second week of the above band camps,
the other four kids will be at Operation Purple camp.
All week.
They should have a BLAST!!
(and mom's a little jealous!)

THEN, after driving back up to pick kids up from camp,
MY classes start the following Tuesday.
I am SO looking forward to that.
It probably won't be a ton of fun,
but I AM looking forward to getting back into the books.

Finally, two weeks later, my kids head back to school.

Yes, we are having fun...
...we are enjoying the last 35 days until school starts.
Kids are swimming.
Mom is working.
Kids are spending time with friends.
Mom is cleaning.
Kids are watching TV and sleeping in.
Mom is making shopping lists.
...and playing computer games...
...and sleeping later than I'll be able to soon...
...and spending time playing virtual Scrabble games with dad....
...and having lunch with friends...
...and blogging.

Post-R&R is for the birds....

2011-07-25T16:44:00.000-04:00

Today I am grateful for Skype...I am sitting here crying, watching my husband sleep via Skype. I miss him SO much.

Today, I am thankful that we are over the two-thirds-of-the-way mark...meaning I only have to do this for four more months.

Today, I am thankful for technology...and the free webcam I got just months before he deployed.

Can you tell I am trying really hard to cheer myself up?!?

He's still workin' on me....

2011-07-23T18:07:00.000-04:00

God has reminded me several times in the last couple of weeks that I have not yet arrived. I am not who He wants me to be...by far. I have things that need work. Some very big things.

It is easy for me to sit here and compare myself to others, and think that I have it together. After all....well, we all do it.

"I'm not so bad...after all, I don't do...."

Ha! From the outside, I *may* look like a "goody two-shoes". Those that really know me, know that I DO have struggles, and I am far from perfect. I yell at my kids. I get frustrated and angry with things that I should just let slide. I speak my mind...lose my mind...give people a piece of my mind.

My mind is a HUGE part of my struggle. And my tongue. Pride. Ugh. That one gets me every time.

God gifted me with the ability to do a lot of different things. I am so very thankful for that. I have to keep reminding myself that HE is the One who gave those gifts...I had nothing to do with them, and CAN NOT take credit for them now.

As I was sitting here contemplating, I was reminded again of a song we used to sing when I was growing up...think I'll pull it out, dust it off, and take it with me for the rest of my day...

R&R =/= REST or Relaxation (yet)

2011-07-06T15:06:00.000-04:00

Jason got home for his R&R last Tuesday...he's been here *just* over a week now, and we have yet to slow down.

Tuesday afternoon we went to the airport to pick him up (YIPPEE!!), and spent the evening at home.

Wednesday Jon had a performance, so we got him there. We cleaned up the house, packed our stuff, and sorted through where the kids were going to stay, since our arranged-months-in-advance house-sitter/baby-sitter fell through. We went to the store. We went to the bank. We finally dropped the kids off with some wonderful friends, stopped and got supper, and made our way out of town for two nights at Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg, VA. That *WAS* actually restful. We talked, Jason did homework, we played putt-putt, we went out to eat, we shopped, and we SLEPT. That was Wednesday night, and Thursday.

Friday we drove back to town, took the kids to lunch, picked up things at Walmart, Sam's Club, Verizon (new iPhones!!), Men's Wearhouse, and the vacuum cleaner store (new GOOD vacuum!!). We made appointments to get the car in to the shop, the dog into the vet's, and verified dentist's appointments for myself and 4 of the kids. Then we finally made our way home and hung out for a while, waiting for the big surprise for the kids...Nana & Papa get here in time for supper!! After eating, they left for their motel, the kids went to bed, and Jason and I stayed up waiting for our friend's flight to get in....and we finally got to bed around 1:00 a.m....

...only to get up and go at it again in the morning, leaving early for a beautiful wedding back up the road past Williamsburg. Jason was an usher for the wedding, and the two little girls were flower girls...and Jason's parents met us up there, too. Saturday was another LONG day...we got back to the house around 9:00 pm.

Sunday was another long day...church, with Jason, Carl, David (who got in LATE on Saturday night), and Jason's parents all needing to catch up with people they hadn't seen in quite some time...then home for naps and then swimming and dinner at Jason's sister's house for the evening...which meant ANOTHER late night.

Monday started early, since Jason's parents were leaving again to head home to South Carolina, which meant an early breakfast at our house, to include *only* 15. Pshew...ever so glad for paper plates and a dishwasher!! Carl was supposed to leave then, Monday night, but because of a thunderstorm his flight was canceled, so he got to spend another night here.

Yesterday saw Carl catch his flight, the dog to the vet, and Leah to the dentist to get two (baby) teeth pulled and another filled, as well as two separate Bible studies for the two oldest kids, and a movie for David and Jason.

Today, the little dog went back to the vet (poor little guy is having surgery today), the car in to the dealer for an A/C recharge, an oil change, and a visor replacement....and now Jason and David have taken all of the kids to see Cars 2, while I sat down to catch my breath...do laundry, do dishes, shower, work, and catch you guys up on our crazy lives.

Hopefully tomorrow will slow down even more....because I can't keep this up!!

Meanwhile....Isn't that man in the tux handsome?!?

What I do when stressed....

2011-07-02T22:51:00.000-04:00

Take one block of chocolate almond bark....

Melt...

Add one bag of pretzels...

dip...

dry...
and eat...
YUM!!

Accomplished

2011-06-27T13:48:00.000-04:00

This weekend was a BUSY one.

Jon had his first concert with the Virginia Arts Festival Rhythm Project All Stars (Steel Drum Band).
I had to grocery shop.
And lawn mower shop.
And clothes shop.
Which meant a trip to Walmart.
On Saturday morning.

Yeah, I thought it was going to be crazy. It wasn't. I took Jon with me (after all, the clothes shopping was for slacks for him, for the concert that evening). We used and filled two carts, NOT including the lawn mower. Ah, what a beautiful feeling to have FOOD in the house again. I'd forgotten about that thing that goes with having kids home for the summer....3 teens, 1 tween, and 2 elementary girlies...myself, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 leopard gecko, and 2 water frogs (we're caring for the classroom pets for the summer). Sheesh. They all eat...ALL.THE.TIME.

Anyway...back on track here. Jon got the lawnmower put together, and mowed Sunday afternoon.
His concert went really well. GREAT group of kids. They had their first gig today. He should be home soon so I can find out how it went.

Today we are working on finishing house cleaning/prep for R&R (translated: Mom is packing to run away for 2 days before she totally loses-it!). Also Jon's concert/gig, Frances went out for FroYo, and now has a band sectional. I spent quite a chunk of time this morning inputting dates on my calendar. *sigh* I am TRYING to not get overwhelmed. I also went to the post-office-kind-of-place to mail some long-overdue stuff. Yipes.

Onward...last minute prep for R&R must be accomplished in the next 24 hours....

I should be overjoyed...

2011-06-18T23:02:00.000-04:00

We are quickly approaching Jason's two weeks of R&R, and I am working on finalizing details of all that has to happen while he is home. There will be a LOT happening during that time, including he and I getting away for a couple of days, a wedding, visits with friends, and a few other small surprises to cram into 15 short days.

I *am* excited to see him. I really am. I know that all of us will enjoy the time with him, catching up on the last almost 8 months he has been gone, getting Daddy hugs, snuggle time, and long talks. I look forward to having him here to have another adult to talk to, and having that male presence that the kids respond so well to.

On the other hand, I am also already feeling the dread of him leaving again. This is not an adventure any longer. The days are dragging, and I am just ready for him to be HOME for good. I am tired of trying to sort things out by myself. I am not good at organizing things, time-wise...he is. He is a GREAT cook...and he enjoys cooking. I don't. There are so many little ways that I miss him...his presence, his smell, his hugs, his big booming voice yelling at the football games...the house is *so* empty without him here.

Meanwhile, I am already anticipating that pain again. Because 15 days is NOT enough. And when he leaves again, we'll have another 4 months. There will be Operation Purple camp in August for the 4 little ones, Band camps for the oldest two, Steel drums performances for Jon. School will start again...Frances starts her senior year, Jon his freshman year, Heather will be in 8th grade, Justin starting middle school, Leah in 4th, and Katherine in 2nd grade. I will be starting my second year of grad school. We will settle into a routine again, and somehow will accomplish all that has to be done.

But there will be a hole where he belongs...one that he gets to fill for 15 days...reminding us how much we miss him. And then he'll be back to his work...back to being in a time zone that is 7 hours different than ours, sleeping while we work, and working while we sleep. And, as much as we LOVE Skype, it just cannot substitute for having the real man here, in person.

So, honey, I just want you to know how much you are missed and loved, and how much we wish you could be here with us to celebrate you when we get up tomorrow. Thanks for being such a GREAT Dad to our kids!! Can't wait to see you SOON!!!

One of those mornings...

2011-06-07T08:50:00.000-04:00

We all have them...the morning when we D-R-A-G ourselves out of bed, stumble to the kitchen to start the coffee...only to realize that not only is there no milk left, but we forgot to get coffee last night, too. Ugh. I guess I'll start with tea today.

Sheesh. I really could *EASILY* go right back to bed now that the kids are all out the door to school. Unfortunately, there is way too much to do this week to even consider it. I'm sitting here trying to figure out how my "nice, quiet" summer without school has turned into this craziness.

I am preparing for Jason to get home for R&R (YIPPEE!!!!), going away with him for a few days, a wedding, friends coming, a farewell party for another friend, the end of school for the kids, and filling out paperwork for camps, as well as working. Yes, I am working again. From home, thank goodness...because there is no way I could finish everything else if I had to put in my time at some other address.

Okay...it is time to get back to work...washer and dryer running, dogs sleeping, another cuppa in hand...yeah, I believe I'm ready....

Summer is coming!!

2011-05-19T23:19:00.000-04:00

Watermelon just screams SUMMER!!!

And for Justin...
(who won't eat watermelon)...
CANTALOUPE!!

Another day older and....

2011-05-19T14:25:00.000-04:00

...one day closer to seeing my honey!!

As our R&R approaches, I find myself making all sorts of plans, knowing that most of them will fall to the wayside. He has already made some plans for us (GET AWAY!! - so excited!), and he and two of our girls are to be in a wedding during that (very) short 15 days we get with him. The kids are excited, I'm excited....I'm sure he's excited, too.

Why do I dread it, then, if we are all so excited at the prospect of seeing honey/daddy for two whole weeks?!? I know one of the things I dread is the thought of his leaving again, and the sadness and turmoil that will follow. I dread 4 more months of not having him here. I dread the feeling of disconnection. I dread being *the* parent of the hour...supervising, planning, feeding, driving...doing it all alone again.

Ah, but meanwhile, the excitement is building...and I need to get busy on this messy house...

Tuesday Ramblings

2011-05-10T09:11:00.000-04:00

The kids are all dropped off at school...no one took the bus today. The oldest is not feeling well, but wanted to go to school anyway, because today is her day for her math class that she's doing so poorly in, and she needs to be there. Tomorrow is her AP English exam, so she'll have a chance to sleep after that is done.

This singly-parenting-while-married thing is hard. Juggling schedules for 6 kids and myself, and making time to be at the computer each and every time he might be able to get on and talk. I miss him so much. I feel a hole in my chest where he is supposed to be. I have a hard time sleeping. I never get enough sleep. I have a short fuse and a messy house...and no motivation to clean.

I feel alone. Since he's deployed as a GSA (by himself, not with a "unit" - between other sets of orders), we don't really have a built-in support system here for me and the kids. I am missing being in military housing with other spouses who could commiserate with me. I'm not really feeling the love from our church...mainly, I think, because we're not set up to deal with it. *I* was supposed to be the head of the military ministry, not the one needing the support...which means *I* get nothing. Oh, people ask how we are. What am I supposed to say?!? Usually, I'm okay. Because that's about where I am. Things are okay. We cope. We get the big stuff done. I want to think that things would be better if we had a really supportive church. How would I know...this is the first time we have done anything like this.

So, not only am I dealing with the deployment issues, but my heart is heavy for some friends who are hurting. Single parents struggling to make ends meet and feeling alone. Married friends dealing with marital issues. Friends working through stuff from their past. Parents hurting for their children. Children hurting for their parents. Today I'm feeling all of this as a weight on my chest.

The dog is outside barking because he wants to be inside. Last night we had to put up the baby gate to block him from getting to the cat box and picking out "treats." I want to hurl, thinking about that one.

I need to go to the pet store to get crickets for the leopard gecko.
I need to go to the grocery store...I feel like I spend half of my life there.
I need to go to the hardware store, with measurements in hand to price blinds...and closet doors.
I need someone to help put up new, or fix the old closet doors.
I need to paint the rails with the paint I bought last week.
I need to bathe the little dog.
I need to mow the yard.
I need to get on the treadmill.
I need to get in the shower and get ready for lunch with a friend.
I need to clean my kitchen, shampoo the carpet, clean my bedroom, scrub the bathrooms, do laundry.

I *want* to curl up with a mindless book somewhere and read and sleep. I want to be pampered. I want my husband home.

The promise of lunch beckons...must go.

Is it May already?!?

2011-05-04T08:27:00.000-04:00

Life sure does have a way of getting the way of things like writing!! I signed in today, and realized that it has been more than a month since I wrote on here. Meanwhile, I finished another semester of grad school (Yay, me!!), with its accompanying bjillion papers, projects, and exams. We survived Spring Break for the kids...and have only six more weeks of school before they are out for the summer and we are preparing for Dad's R&R. Now things are picking up with kids' spring/summer activities. We have Scouts Venturing camp-outs and meetings, baseball practice and games, and end-of-the-school-year activities, the biggest of which, so far, is the Ring Dance for eldest daughter...

So, in honor of Ring Dance...PICTURES!!!

Isn't she beautiful?!? I can't believe she is a Junior already..and that next year we'll be visiting colleges!!

Contentment

2011-03-24T09:28:00.000-04:00

I was talking in class the other day about where I am, personally, with my spiritual life, professional life, and personally/emotionally. I said something that (I *think*) probably had most of the 20-somethings in the class scratching their heads. I know it has me scratching *MY* head...

We have been doing this active-duty military nomadic lifestyle now for 10-ish years. Prior to that, we moved. A LOT. Granted, that moving was within about a 50 mile radius, but we moved. I think I've figured out that in our 18 years of marriage we have moved something like 16 or 17 times. After a while, it gets in your blood.

Given that, you would think that I like change. Not so much. I like structure and stability.

So, let's review.
Moving = change =/= structure and stability.

And Laura does not like change.

So, how did I find these words coming out of my mouth?!?
"I see change in my future, and I am okay with that."
Whuck?!?

Even moreso, I said, "I see us moving again in the not-too-distant future, and I am okay with that, too."
HUH?!?

Where did this come from?

We *just* moved into a house that we BOUGHT...that is monumental. We have been living in rentals F-O-R-E-V-E-R. I like having my own house. I like being able to plant things in the yard. And not worrying about the "housing police" fussing about how many cars were parked in our driveway/yard/street. And being able to make plans to rip up the carpet and put in hardwood.

Something snuck up on me while I wasn't looking...this thing called contentment.

This is not contentment with the status quo. Been there. Don't like that.

This is not contentment to stay planted in one place. Remember the whole moving thing?

This is something vastly different. Something I am still processing. Something that makes me wonder what happened to me in the last few weeks that changed my perception of my world.

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Phil. 4:11

I went to visit my honey...

2011-03-07T10:19:00.000-05:00

...and it was AMAZING.
Long flights.
New places to see.
Different foods to sample.
New friends to make.
The best Spring Break EVER.
Now I'm home, and I miss my honey.

We've added some color to our lives...

2011-02-25T08:18:00.007-05:00

In the form of uniforms (for Venturing - a Boy Scouts troupe for girls and boys ages 14-21)...

...in the form of a cute little Ewok-esque puppy who doesn't mind playing dress-up....

...and LOVES to chase the cat.

(His name is Chewbacca!)

...And HAIR color!! (Isn't she beautiful?!?)

We have to think about next year ALREADY?

2011-02-22T08:37:00.000-05:00

Next SCHOOL year, that is.

This year, we have children in THREE schools.
Three in elementary school.
Two in middle school.
One in high school.

Next year...well, we'll see.

In the city where we live, there is an Academy system within the public schools, which allows children who are interested and gifted to focus on particular fields early in their schooling careers. Our oldest daughter has been in the Global Studies and World Languages Academy for three years now, and will be graduating from there next year.

Our second child has applied to 3 different academies, so has the potential of being able to choose from 4 different high schools for next year.

Our third child will be finishing her time in middle school next year, and will be applying to some academies the following year.

Our fourth child...well...he is entering 6th grade this year, and is an outstanding student. For the middle schoolers, there are two different magnet schools that he has applied to, so we are waiting to hear on that one.

The two youngest will also be staying put next year. Thankfully. Because I don't know that I could manage thinking about ANOTHER school.

As it stands, if you're still with me...We have the potential of having children in 5 different schools next year, as well as my husband and I both being in separate graduate school programs.

Total household size: 8.
Total schools represented (potentially): 7.

I need a personal assistant...and I think we should be a poster-family for continuing education. Oh, and I MISS homeschooling...things were a LOT less complicated.

Some days are a REAL struggle.

2011-02-20T18:00:00.002-05:00

There. I said it.

It seems like there are people who expect the military spouse to be either one of two extremes when their military half is deployed. Either we are supposed to be a complete train-wreck, complete with mental breakdown, drugs, and hospitalization, or we are supposed to be all sunshine and roses, always hopeful, always smiling.

Guess what. We are human.

Well, at least *I* am. I can't vouch for all of the rest of the military spouses.

We are, after all, a very diverse group. We hail from all 50 states, and quite a number of foreign countries. We speak many different languages. We are not all Democrats or Republicans, not necessarily Christian, agnostic, atheist, Wiccan, Budhist, or Hindi. Some work outside their homes. Some work from home. Some call home their work. Frankly, we are as diverse as is the rest of the country, but there are fewer of us, and we seem to live in a fishbowl.

Since the military spouse community is SO very diverse, it is troubling...nay, frustrating...to be so stereotyped by Americans in general. We get told so many things, and have so many things said about us that most of us could write articles....or even books...outlining all of the stereotypes.

For starters...Navy wives/Air Force wives/Army wives ALL sleep around on their husbands when they are deployed. So there are some that probably do. The majority of us don't have the time...we're too busy taking care of his house, his kids, his cars, his pets. Again, *I* don't.

Oh, dear. I got off track. Sorry...this is part of one of my soap-box subjects.

The particular stereotype I started out to address is particularly hard for ME to deal with. Sure, this lifestyle is hard, and very few people understand that (I think the latest statistic I saw said something like 1% of Americans live life as attachments to the military. That's a really small number.). For that, we get told, "Oh, you knew what you were getting into." Um. NO. EMPHATICALLY NO. I knew nothing about this. Frankly, my husband got into the military prior to 9/11. Things were a LOT different then. Deployments were shorter (for the most part), and did not happen with the regularity they are happening now.

We can't always hide our bad days. For that, I hear "don't wear your heart on your sleeve," and "smile, it can't be *that* bad!" REALLY?!? How do you know? Have you tried being Mom and Dad to 6 children who really don't understand why Dad can't come home for their birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, July 4th, or summer vacation? Have you tried dealing with yet another round with Murphy and his danged laws, while your spouse is out of town? Do NOT tell me "oh, I know *exactly* how you feel...my spouse is out of town for business for two weeks/a month." Please do not expect my sympathy. For that matter, don't expect my phone calls, either. I've got too much going on.

We DO have good days. They just aren't every day. Oh, how I wish. Well, maybe not...that might be kind of boring. And frankly, I need variety in my life. One of the things I look forward to (yes, I said that) when my husband is gone is a time of growth...which is often fueled by those very difficult things that happen because he is gone. Those are the things that I can look back on and know that they have been worthwhile because they have made me a better person.

Meanwhile, life is hard. This deployment is getting to me. Things are coming out of me that I don't like. I want my husband home. I want another person to help carry the load. I want a lot of things that can't happen right now.

The good news is that things are better now than they were around the holidays. My head is on straighter, my load is a little lighter...or maybe my back is stronger...or God has taken part of the load for me. Whichever it is, things are more bearable. And for that, I am grateful.

And, I just found another blog...where the writer talks about much of the same as what I have been experiencing...Go enjoy TheArmyWife(DUDE)! He's good!

Deployment Gremlins: Part 1

2011-02-19T19:34:00.000-05:00

"Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong."

I am sure that all of us are familiar with Mr. Murphy and his predictive laws. We would probably even add a qualifying line to the end to say, "at the worst possible time." As military family members, we are only too familiar with the affects of the law, and we seem to have a common name for the "enforcers" of that law, known across the branches as "deployment gremlins."

Every military spouse has their stories to tell about their experiences with the gremlins. These gremlins are those things that tend to go wrong as soon as their spouse steps on the plane or ship, headed away for any period of time. I am going to start with one of my stories, and I'd love to hear your similar stories.

My husband's first duty station and deployment was on board a mine-sweeper, which is a tiny ship, and the community of spouses is even smaller. Prior to that deployment, Jason volunteered me to be the Ombudsman**for the ship, which meant that I had to go through a training, and then be available for the other family members throughout the four-month deployment. At this point in time, I was about 8 months pregnant, due one week before the ship deployed, with my fifth child. The CO's wife and I successfully finished the training, and had a meeting for all the wives, which was exactly one week before the scheduled deployment date.

I ended up going into labor that evening, during the meeting, and had my beautiful little girl sometime around midnight.

Fast-forward one week.

The ship actually left on schedule, and I was one week postpartum, with five children. I had to be on the dock with the other spouses, which ended up being a miserable three hours with my newborn, a 2-year-old, a 4-year-old, a 6-year-old, and an 8-year-old, and with nowhere to sit.

When I finally got to go home (one WEEK postpartum - still not supposed to be driving, but what is a military wife 19 hours away from family supposed to do?!?), I was not feeling good, and was bleeding profusely. I called my midwife (I had a home birth with her in attendance), and after threatening me with a ride to the hospital, she extracted a promise from me to go to bed. Then she called one of my neighbors that she knew, and sent her over to make sure I was actually IN bed and stayed there.

What happened over the next few weeks was an amazing picture of God's people pulling together to help me in my time of need. I cannot tell you who organized it all, or even the names of all of the people who participated in helping us. I DO remember 6 weeks of meals, my house being cleaned, my older 4 children being taken on outings to the Aquarium, and on play dates with other friends from church. I was ministered to in a way that I will NEVER forget.

So, what started out as a VERY difficult situation turned into an opportunity and a blessing. Those gremlins are nasty little guys, but God used them in amazing ways in our lives that summer.

And now I would LOVE to hear some of your Deployment Gremlin stories!!

***********************************
**om·buds·man (from Dictionary.com)
1.a government official who hears and investigates complaints by private citizens against other officials or government agencies.
2.a person who investigates and attempts to resolve complaints and problems, as between employees and an employer or between students and a university.
***********************************

Life got busy again....

2011-02-02T20:03:00.000-05:00

...and I forgot about you, my loyal friends. Well, no. I didn't forget. My life is crazy right now. Work. Home. Kids. School. Church. Practicum. Self-care. My blog is not the most important part of my life right now. I have a lot to say. There is a lot that is begging to be written. There are things happening in our lives. There are upcoming adventures. I am learning about myself and how things from my past are affecting me. I am developing in areas I didn't expect, and dealing with things I didn't expect to come up. And all of this stuff is hard and time consuming and exhausting. I will be back, soon, I promise. Those things are still clamoring to come out...

Happy Birthday, Nana!! (a little late, but with pictures!!)

2011-01-14T20:23:00.000-05:00

When we were in SC for Christmas, we got to celebrate with Jason's mom...with a huge party for her 60th birthday.

It was a lot of fun.

We saw a lot of friends...

and made new friends.
...and generally had a really good time.

There was good food...

...and good conversation...

...with around 100 of their closest friends and some family.

I am SO very glad we were able to be there!
Happy Birthday, Nana!!

Ever had one of THOSE days...

2011-01-13T09:02:00.000-05:00

...when you wonder why you bothered getting out of bed?
...when you are amazed that your children made it out of the house alive, never mind dressed and fed?
...when you teeter on the edge of road rage, simply because there is a road and other drivers are on it?

Yeah, no, me either. Ha.

This is one of those mornings. I want to run away. Far, far away. I want to beat on walls. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. Would you believe that ramming other cars off the road actually went through my mind this morning?!? (Probably NOT good to do, since I was surrounded by HUGE pickup trucks, and I was driving Jason's little Honda Civic!). I want to kick the dog AND the cat.

I haven't done any of those things. Not even close. But the fact that I feel this way and that these thoughts are even going through my mind is telling a tale of stress over-load. I am TIRED, beyond belief. I am stressed by school. And kids. And bills. And taking care of the physical side of being and doing all by myself for now. Did I mention that I was tired?

So, this morning, instead of ramming those huge trucks off the road, I yelled at God. "WHY AM I SO GRUMPY?!?" (I was in the car, by myself...I hope nobody heard me.) I didn't hear any voices. I didn't get rescued. (Oh, how I long to be rescued from the housework, the homework, the yard work, etc.).

Instead, I was reminded of a few things. First, that THIS is exactly when I need to put on my big-girl-pants, and deal. My feelings are lying to me. I KNOW my husband loves me. I KNOW that I will live through this semester. I KNOW that my children will be fed, and clothed, and will get to and from school. I just have to pick up and keep going. Second, I have to keep working to take care of me. Actually eating, and sleeping, and showering, and meeting with those responsible for keeping my head squarely on my shoulders. Finally, I DO have friends who want to help...if I can just figure out how, and ask them. Or meet them for lunch....in 2 1/2 hours...

Better get moving...the shower is calling...and Olive Garden. Yum. Must move.
(God, thank you for those reminders this morning!)

She misses her daddy...

2011-01-12T16:51:00.000-05:00

...and wants to go see him...

And how did you....

2011-01-11T16:11:00.000-05:00

...get that black eye, darling daughter?!?

"I fell down the stairs {at school} and kneed myself in the eye!"

Brilliant. Graceful, too.

The Explosion

2011-01-10T23:11:00.000-05:00

One day last week, after the two littlest girls having spent HOURS in their room "cleaning" the night before, <=====This was what greeted me the next morning when I arrived in their room.

There were monkeys...

...and tigers...

...and bears (oh, my!)....

as well as dogs of various shapes and sizes,

a "Stitch" (wearing a diaper?)...

and a seal...as well as blankets and clothing for the animals.

I think it is time to wean down the stuffed animal population again.

Update on THE WRIST

2011-01-07T09:12:00.000-05:00

Heather broke her wrist two days after her birthday. (Note: She broke it during her birthday party - she is blowing out <--those candles while waiting to go to the ER)

It was what the doctor called a "buckle fracture", and did not completely break the bone, but three weeks later, when we finally were able to get in to see the orthopedist (thanks a lot, Tricare), they put a cast on it. That was three weeks ago.

Yesterday she had an appointment with the orthopedist again, and it was x-rayed again, and declared to be 98% healed. The cast was removed, and Heather can move her arm again.

The happiness at having the cast off was short-lived...the itching that had been present but unscratchable (yes, I just made that up!) was now coming out in its full glory...leprous skin and all.

All of the skin that couldn't come off due to the cast being on that arm for 3 weeks has now come off, and the skin on her arm is tender, especially after she puts lotion on it. Oh, and the muscles are sore...seems they got stiff, too, after being unused for 6ish weeks. At least now she can take a SHOWER!!

Now, she has a brace for 3 more weeks, and should be good after that. YIPPEE!!

Happy 11th Birthday!!

2011-01-06T08:13:00.001-05:00

My little guy is ELEVEN years old today.
**EDITED: How could I mis-figure his age?!?

And he is competing in his first Geography Bee today.

And he's smarticle...really, the kid amazes me!!

He is constantly busy building incredibly detailed models with his Legos, making cars...

and trucks....
and planes...

and pod-racers...
and houses...
and bars...

and tanks...

And Justin is a really fun kid!

Happy Birthday, Justin!! We LOVE you!!!

...And now that vacation is over...

2011-01-05T07:04:00.000-05:00

All of us went back to school on Monday. All. Of. Us. I was ready for the kids to go back...what parent wasn't?!? Me? Not so much. I found out that I had gotten used to sleeping in, and not having to be anywhere, doing things around the house that had been neglected.

Two of my classes have started back. The one on Monday...not ready. I still don't have a practicum site. If I don't have a practicum site by next Monday, I will have to drop that class and pick up another one. I do not want to do that. The one last night? Not ready. And that class is going to be the one that kicks my butt this semester. 10 quizzes, one midterm, two probes, and a final exam. I'm already feeling a bit overwhelmed. The one tonight...I am looking forward to, though I'm not ready for it, either.

On the up-side, I have PICTURES from Christmas!! And SNOW!! And I'll get those up and posted one of these days soon. Until then...time to get crackin'...kids to get ready for school, shopping to do, and a meeting this morning.

Have a GREAT day!!

Happy New Year!! (and my personal whine-fest)

2011-01-02T01:02:00.000-05:00

Here's hoping all of you had a wonderfully safe celebration of the beginning of 2011, and that God richly blesses you in this coming year!!

Now that I have that out of the way, it is time for a whine-fest...I don't care what time of the year...I need to whine a bit. Feel free to pull out the crackers and cheese...this may take a bit.

I am tired of being alone. Yeah, yeah, I know...there are 6 other people in my house right now, a cat, and a dog. I am not alone. But see, I am doing this married-single-military-wife-mom-thing. And I'm doing it alone right now...because my husband is serving in a vacation spot. And having fun. And my life has not changed appreciably for the better. Actually, I would say it has gotten infinitely more complicated. And BUSY. And not necessarily fun. Yes I have my moments, and I really am happy that I am able to do this...but I want to feel sorry for me for a minute.

I have one more day before school starts back, both for the kids and for me. I anticipate going about 190 mph for the next 13ish weeks...with short breaks to catch my breath, but still running at a faster-than-average rate. I anticipate the laundry getting backed up again, and the house getting messy again, and getting (nasty/upset/accusatory) messages home from teachers again...because I can't do all of this by myself. And yet meals must be served, and laundry must be washed/folded/put away, and children must be supervised to finish homework, and dog and cat must be fed, and if I don't check up behind everyone, every day, things get left, or forgotten, or ignored.

I know I am only one person. I am NOT Superwoman. Never had the body to pull THAT off. Don't have the super powers, either. Still, there is this list that is constantly running in my head of things that need to be done. That list includes the things listed above, as well as exercise (because sitting on my butt is not conducive to weight-loss), and studying, and working, and visits with people responsible for keeping my head squarely on my shoulders, and grocery shopping.

Meanwhile, I want to be pleasant. I want to not be stressed. I want to do all of these things, and maintain a relatively good GPA. I dislike me when I am stressed. I do NOT want to go back to that pit called depression. It is not fun in there. I want to have good conversations with my husband and maintain a close connection via email and Skype....which seems very artificial when I am missing the real thing.

I know that Jason is in a "vacation spot." Dang it. I want to be there too. I look at my other friends whose husbands are deployed to actual war-zones, and I feel guilty for missing Jason so much. I told him the other day that I find myself somewhat ridiculous with how much I miss him some days. I'm an adult...why can't I just deal with this, and keep going? I KNOW he'll be back. I know this is not an easy thing.

And here is where I start sounding all whiney and selfish...He's in a VACATION SPOT. And going out to eat. And playing pool. And going to the movies. And I want to have the chance to do those things with him. I know he's by himself. And I know that in itself is a form of torture to him.

I thought getting through Thanksgiving and Christmas was going to be the hardest part of this deployment. Apparently I was wrong. Again. Sigh.

All of this feeling sorry for myself is tiring. I don't like me right now. I want to cry, and it takes listening to the same song, over and over, and over again, to be able to. And that is short-lived. Which is NOT satisfying. I dreamed about him last night...that he was upset about something I had done, and was sitting at his desk fixing it...and I didn't even reach out and touch him, with him right there in arms' reach. And I was SO sad when I woke up, and I couldn't touch him...I just wanted a hug.

So, now that it is late, and he's not up yet to talk on Skype, and I need to sleep, I am going to go listen to my song, and cry a little, and hope I can go to sleep, because morning comes way too early.

'tis the Season...

2010-12-21T23:37:00.000-05:00

...Birthday season, that is. In our immediate family, birthday season extends from late November through April, leaving us all confused for those six months as to who is what age, and then when the six-month season is over, the kids are back to their every-two-years pattern, making my job much easier ("how old are they?" "...ummm...let's see...").

Of course, each child will gladly correct me when my aging, overworked brain gets it wrong...again...

With this one, however, there is no mistake. She's my oldest. The one we've learned on. The easiest first child you'll ever meet. She's smart (really...I know I'm biased, but she IS smart) - working on 4 different languages right now (Spanish, Arabic, Italian, and German), and wanting to have MASTERED those and two more by the time she finishes college. She is smart. She is talented, playing the flute and piccolo in marching band and wind ensemble...and wishing she had time to play in the jazz band. She is beautiful, inside and out. Her heart is to serve others. She loves her Lord, and wants to do what He wants her to do...even when it is hard and pushes her outside of her comfort zone.

Happy Birthday, Baby, Sissy, Ducky....Frances. I love you and thank God for you regularly!! You amaze me and I am so very proud of you!!

Christmas Letter 2010

2010-12-14T06:00:00.002-05:00

Please bear with me...this one's gonna be a little hard for me to write and will definitely be different from my usual Annual Letter. If it seems like I'm rambling a bit, please forgive me...

The Paxton family has had a very eventful year this year, and all of it seems to have been bunched together in about 2 or three months of the year. 2010 started off rather unremarkably, with nothing to set it apart too much. The kids all finished up the 2009-2010 school year well, and were looking forward to a fun, if quiet, summer.

Jason was due to get new orders, with the possibility of heading to Afghanistan. In July, those orders came through, with him scheduled to leave in October. Or maybe that was November. Or possibly not until February. Thanks, Uncle Sam. We appreciate the effort.

Also around that time, the opportunity arose for us to get out of military housing, and move into a house that we would be buying, but the financing (which we had been working on since sometime in March) still hadn't come through. Nevertheless, we moved into our new house in August.

Meanwhile, plans were moving right ahead for Jason to be leaving his current command, and to report to his new command for training in October, to be headed out to some vague place known as "The Sandbox" in early November...vague because the orders said one place, but were not quite sure. At least we knew it was not going to be in Virginia.

In September, the kids started back to school (mostly in new schools), and Laura started her new adventure in graduate school at Regent University, studying Counseling. Jason was finishing up his final classes for his Masters in Theology. He was also able to take several weeks to spend with the family, and preparing things like legal paperwork and the cars for his being gone for a year.

October saw plans for Jason's leaving to really start falling into place. We had a HUGE party with lots of friends coming by (sure wish EVERYONE could have been there!!). We had a photo shoot with a GREAT friend (Thanks, Jimmy!). (Didn't he do an amazing job?! - most of these pictures are from that shoot) We spent lots of time shopping for things for him to take, and spending time with friends before he (or they) left. We also spent a lot of time unpacking the house, getting settled in, and doing things like getting TVs mounted. Jason was scheduled to report for the drive to training in South Carolina on Saturday, October 16, so the night before we went out to celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary, and had a really good evening talking through a lot of details. One of the best parts of the night was finding out that Jason was going to be going to a "vacation spot" for this deployment, and would be there with a wonderful friend from a previous command.

As I write this, we are just over a month into Jason's actually being off of American soil. After Jason left for training, the financing for the house finally came through, and I got to do the closing by myself. Yeah!! We're home owners! We had a quiet Thanksgiving, and are looking forward to Christmas spent with family.

Frances has had a good year, though one without any answers to the medical issues plaguing her. The neurologists have given up on finding an answer. I believe they are still convinced that her issues with numbness are psychosomatic, which other testing has proved wrong. Meanwhile, she stayed busy this fall with Marching Band, a trip to William & Mary for the Model UN, and in the spring she was able to go to New York on a trip with the band. As she is a Junior, we have started the process of looking at schools and (!) pricing class rings. One of the highlights of the year has been getting to know her boyfriend, as he has joined us for quite a few evenings.

Jon's year has been one of growth - literally - as he has shot up and passed me in height. He has also matured as an individual, taking on more responsibilities at home and at church. He is playing the trumpet at school, both in the eighth grade band, and in the jazz band, as well as taking part in the Rhythm Project through the school, which he enjoys immensely.

Heather has entered the teenage years . She is in seventh grade this year, and is enjoying being in band, playing the flute for the seventh grade band, and playing the alto saxaphone for the jazz band. This year her birthday was on Thanksgiving, and we celebrated on the Saturday following, with a few friends coming over, but the birthday party came to an early end when Heather fell at the park and hurt her arm...and was followed by a trip to the emergency room,with a diagnosis of a broken bone in her left wrist.

Justin is ten years old this year, and in fifth grade. He is taking part in several different things at school, including studying up for a Geography Bee, playing football at school, and is looking into alternatives for middle school, considering the two magnet schools here, with advanced programs available for gifted students.

Leah is eight years old now, and in third grade, and doing very well. She is an amazing kid who loves the animals in the house, sometimes to the point of torture of them. She is enjoying the new house, and especially the new neighbors.

Katherine has grown to be an amazing little girl. She will be seven years old this month, and is in first grade, and loving it. She's smart, and she's a good kid, and loves to learn and grow.

And so our family has had a good (if a *little* busy) year. We've all grown, and we are all learning, and it has been an amazing ride. Here's hoping the next year slows down just a little!!

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!!

2010-12-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

I don't care what anyone says. She is my baby. She will always be my baby. And it's not fair that they grow up so fast!!

Today is Katherine's 7th birthday. Seven years ago was a Saturday, and we were in Montana. Jason was supposed to be running sound and lights for a Christmas Dessert at our church, and we were at the hospital. Around 5:00 pm Katherine Louise was born, and by 5:30 Jason was on his way over to the church, which thankfully was only a couple of blocks away.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl! I love you!!

CHRISTMAS BLOG CARNIVAL: Day 7

2010-12-12T06:00:00.002-05:00

Today's challenge was to talk about refreshing our faith at Christmas.

How does your faith refresh at Christmastime?

Confession time: I am not a shopper. I *hate* shopping - with a passion. Which has not been too much of a problem pretty much since we got married, because we've never really had a lot of money with which to shop. These two facts have made our Christmases minimal over the whole of our marriage.

That said...I LOVE Christmas. I love the excitement building...the pretty lights...the yummy desserts...the get-togethers. But mostly, I LOVE the music, the plays, the retelling of the story every year. I am refreshed every year by the freshness of the story - the wonder of the new baby and the amazement of what He came to do for us. Each year, hearing yet again the story reminds me of the amazing love my Father has for me...and for those who don't yet know Him.

Go enjoy more bloggy Christmas carnival fun with us at Wives of Faith.

CHRISTMAS BLOG CARNIVAL: Day 6

2010-12-11T06:00:00.001-05:00

Today's challenge was to post about what might be different about Christmas in a military home.

You Might be a Military Spouse at Christmas if...

...you can't find anything similar about any of your Christmases since taking on the military lifestyle. Every year is different with no continuity from one year to the next.

My husband has been active-duty for 10 years now, and we have lived in 7 different homes in 4 different states during that time.

*This year is the first time he's been deployed over Christmas.

*Last year (2009) was the first year we ever did lights outside.

*The year before (2007)was our first year in Virginia...and we knew almost no-one.

*The year before that (2006) was the year our marriage was restored (BIG God-story!), and our last year in Montana.

*In 2005 we had no new babies...every year prior we had a baby under 2 years old at Christmas.

*In 2004, we got a cat for Christmas.

*In 2003, we had just moved, had a new baby (on the 13th of December), and knew almost no-one.

*2002 was our last year in Texas, and we had just experienced our first deployment...with all of the accompanying gremlins.

*2001 was Jason's first year on active-duty, and our first Christmas away from family. It was also our first year to deep fry the turkey. YUM.

Then again...maybe there is something consistent about our Christmases...the fact that they are never the same!!

Go enjoy more bloggy Christmas carnival fun with us at Wives of Faith.

CHRISTMAS BLOG CARNIVAL: Day 5

2010-12-10T06:00:00.009-05:00

What Christmas Means to Me

The challenge for today was to tell what Christmas means to me.

Christmas is one of my two favorite times of the year (the first being Thanksgiving). Christmas has always been about family to me.

Growing up, we used to always travel for Christmas to the mountains of North Carolina, where my grandparents lived, and spend time with the whole extended family there.

This together-time meant presents, yes, but more than that, it meant big meals around the extended table, playing with cousins, doing puzzles with aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and our immediate family.

It always means long phone calls with the family that can't make it to the gathering, and walks in the cold with the ones who needed a chance to digest before the next round of dessert.

But my favorite part of all has always been the time when we sit down together as a family and listen as the Christmas story is read aloud, as a reminder that there is a greater reason for our celebration than just the presents or family time...that we have been given a gift, one that affects our whole lives, and THAT is what we celebrate at Christmas time.

Go enjoy more bloggy Christmas carnival fun with us at Wives of Faith.

CHRISTMAS BLOG CARNIVAL: Day 4

2010-12-09T06:00:00.003-05:00

My Grown-Up Christmas List

Based on the song by Amy Grant, the challenge was to come up with my own grown-up Christmas list.

1. Our Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and Airmen would all come home, safely, in time for Christmas.
2. Healing for all broken people.
3. No more pain inflicted on children.
4. Jobs and homes for my friends who have lost both.
5. Forever-homes and families for all of the orphans in this world.

Go enjoy more bloggy Christmas carnival fun with us at Wives of Faith.

CHRISTMAS BLOG CARNIVAL: Day 3

2010-12-08T06:00:00.004-05:00

Worst Christmas Song EVER...

Why? Can you think of anything less Christmas-like that the lyrics that say "What a gas it would have been, if Daddy had only seen Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night"?

Okay, so I know this won't bother everyone. Maybe it is just my sensitivity to potential family-breaking issues. I think this is TERRIBLE. I know what it is *supposed* to be. What kind of image does this portray to our children?

And the assignment says to find one redeeming factor about this song. It is a very catchy tune. It is fun. And it portrays an innocence in children that is hard to find these days.

Go enjoy more bloggy Christmas carnival fun with us at Wives of Faith.

CHRISTMAS BLOG CARNIVAL: Day 2

2010-12-07T06:00:00.001-05:00

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without...

...Christmas plays, cantatas, and caroling.

God currently has us in a church where the focus is a bit different that the churches we have been a part of in the past...which means no Christmas plays, no cantatas, and no caroling. And I have discovered that I am very sad about that. So this year, while my husband is away, we are going to go experience some of the joy of Christmas with other churches.

CHRISTMAS BLOG CARNIVAL: Day 1

2010-12-06T06:00:00.003-05:00

My Favorite Christmas Ornament/Decoration

At the top of our tree (circa 2009) you can see my favorite Christmas decoration...a tree topper I won off of another blog carnival in 2008.

I LOVE this tree topper!

Learning about ME

2010-12-03T09:38:00.001-05:00

1. inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity

2. Psychoanalysis . erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.

(from Dictionary.com)

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. (Romans 12:3, NIV)

So many times on blogs and Facebook we seen lists of random information about people (I have even done it!). We *tag* our friends, wanting them to read about our lists about ourselves. We take hundreds of pictures of ourselves, and post them for the world to see our levels of obsession with ourselves and how we look, and what we think about ourselves. As a culture, we have bought in, hook, line, and sinker, to the notion that it is all about #1 - I am *THE* single most important person in the world.

That idea, of people being obsessed with themselves, to the point of not recognizing that we are hurting others or of seeing ourselves as the center of the universe used to be recognized as either a stage that every child grows through and out of, or a diagnosable mental illness. No more. In the latest evolution of our obsession with ourselves, we have so far removed our society from health that now narcissism has been removed from the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (D.S.M.-5) as a diagnosable mental illness. You can read all about how upset clinicians in the field of mental health are about that removal. That is not my point.

There ARE times when we should become more aware of ourselves, of how we look and act. We definitely need to take time each day to have a look in the mirror - if for nothing else, at least to make sure we didn't leave traces of breakfast smeared across our face. Figuratively, we also need to do daily checks in the mirror to evaluate how we look to others, in our character, how we are responding to circumstances, if we are becoming more Christ-like, or if we are allowing ourselves to become more and more selfish. Self-evaluation is not a bad thing.

In fact, I would venture to say that we *need* to self-evaluate on a regular basis in order to be growing and maturing. It is very easy for me to get stuck at a point, in my head, where I either did something *right* - "way to go, Laura...good paper!" or where I completely blew it - "Laura, that was SO stupid! How could you?!?" When I get stuck at those points, I am not doing a healthy evaluation of either those circumstances, or of my own self. When that happens, I need a healthy dose of reality from people around me, helping me to see my pride.

So, this challenging time in my life has been prompting me to do a lot of self-evaluation, and some of the things I am learning about myself are just plain painful. I don't *like* having my inflated views of myself deflated. I don't like to be challenged to view myself as something different than that person I think I am, somewhere deep in my head. The self-evaluation has also meant dealing with some issues that were buried deeply so that I *wouldn't* have to work on them. More pain. Did I mention that I don't like pain?!?

One of the things that this time of self-evaluation has done is prompting me to see myself through someone else's eyes...specifically, through the eyes of Someone who loved me enough to die for me, and who still loves me, despite my shortcomings. Being loved so unconditionally has an amazing affect on my view of myself!!

I John 4:19 "We love because He first loved us."

School Pictures!!

2010-11-30T22:32:00.000-05:00

It is that time of year again...the annual parade of the school pictures...except that one of our children somehow was overlooked this year, and we didn't end up ordering her pictures. However, for your viewing pleasure, here are the remainder of the kids.

Jonathan "Jon" is 14 this year, and in 8th grade.

He is playing the trumpet this year, and wants to try out for the baseball team.

Heather is now 13, and in the seventh grade.

She is playing the flute in band, and was playing the alto saxophone for Jazz band, but we are unsure if that will continue since she broke her wrist.

Justin is 10 years old, and in 5th grade.

He is doing very well in school, and is practicing presently for the geography bee.

Leah is 8 years old and in third grade this year.

She is loving school, and thoroughly loves ~~loving~~ torturing all of the animals within range.

Katherine is six years old this year, and is in first grade.

She really enjoys school, though the adjustment from kindergarten to first grade has been challenging.

God has richly blessed us with some beautiful and talented children, for which we are ever-so-grateful!!

Happy Birthday, Heather!!

2010-11-28T20:41:00.004-05:00

(a.k.a. I now have 3 teenagers!)

Thanksgiving day was also our third child's 13th birthday.

This beautiful child wanted to have a party.

So we invited friends. (of whom I did not get pictures)

The girls walked down the street to our local park, and tried to make their way down the embankment to the water. Heather slipped and fell, catching herself on her left hand/wrist. I got a phone call asking me to come pick them up because Heather hurt her arm. I was aggravated because I had to make a run to pick up another child, and I really needed them home, but I drove down and got them. When Heather got in the van she was still crying, and said she couldn't move her wrist and the pain went all the way up her arm.

We got back to the house, and I went to pick up the other child while Jon served cake and ice cream and Heather opened presents. I found out where the closest hospital is, and got home and made calls to to all the parents for the friends to be picked up, and then Heather and I took off for what has to be a record visit to an emergency room. Seriously...we left the house and were back in less than two hours!!

She had a buckle (or incomplete) fracture in the ulna of her left hand. Which should be fun...she's left-handed...and plays the flute...

...and alto sax.Happy Birthday, my beautiful, artistic, fun newest teenager!! I love you!!

Lego Creations

2010-11-26T11:05:00.006-05:00

My 10-year-old son is an amazing engineer. He build airplanes, tanks, race cars, trucks, and space pods. We enjoy seeing these creations, though not so much stepping on the legos that are left laying around on the floor. So, for your lego enjoyment...

The Space Pod:

The Tank:

I LOVE the effort and details he puts into these little creations!

Meal times drive me CRAZY!!

2010-11-21T16:58:00.002-05:00

Inevitably, supper sneaks up on me. I KNOW it's getting later. I KNOW I need to cook, or tell one of the kids to cook. But somehow, every single day, the time sneaks up on me, and I find myself rushing around trying to pull together something quickly, when it should have been in preparation stages for a while already.

One of my problems is that I just don't like to cook. It is boring to me. I know this sounds blasphemous to my foody friends...but this is me. If I could come up with new and interesting meals all the time, in a little bit of time, without too much effort, I would be a much happier cook. As it stands, every change in the menu seems to be more of the same-old, same-old.

My biggest problem is time management. I suck at time management.
ESPECIALLY when dealing with things I don't particularly like doing.

Finally, I am working on the whole menu-planning aspect. I used to do a lot better at planning out meals, then life and moving and my husband's cooking got in the way of my even caring about menu planning. Now that I am back in charge (100%) of meals, I find that menu planning is becoming more of a necessity.

Maybe someday I'll enjoy cooking. For now, this family has to be fed...and it's all in my hands...see you later! My kids are hungry!!

It was GOOD. Why do I feel down?

2010-11-14T23:52:00.006-05:00

Really. I've had a good week. I accomplished a lot. I turned in papers on time. I got to all of my classes (so I was late to one...get over it. Had to mail something to the husband). I got the kids to all of their activities. And home. No one starved (though they may think differently!). Laundry was washed. The dog and cat are still alive. The plants are watered. The cars are still running. I even finished up all of my work before Monday morning!! Believe me, THAT is an accomplishment!!

I even got to talk to my husband every day. Some days more than once. I got to get some much-needed foundational wear. I got on the treadmill, and built my way up to 10 minutes. I even ran. I was even able to right a sticky situation with my mother. Yeah, I know. It sounds like I should be well on the way to accomplishing world peace, and that's just this week.

So why do I feel so down?!? I know I'm tired. But I think this is more than that. I know I'm frustrated because I can't find something. I know I've got deadlines coming on papers and projects. I miss my husband. Still, I think it is something more.

I have a LOT to be thankful for. We're all healthy (and we all know that's a big thing during flu season!). We have a GREAT house. I am studying something I LOVE. I don't have to worry about my next meal (instead I worry about my waistline!)...or that of my children. We have a roof over our heads, transportation, a very loving church family, and we know that God has blessed us far beyond what we deserve.

See, in my head I know a lot of stuff. Enough to get myself in trouble. But my problem comes in that I am always surprised when those things I know about actually apply to me! So, as I sit here thinking about being down, I am surprised to discover that I am dealing with something that is very common.

We are coming up on the holidays. Thanksgiving is the next one. This is one of the two biggest family holidays of the calendar year. And a huge part of our family is on the other side of the world. Which leads to me being down. I am (supposedly) this strong, together military wife, who can handle pretty much whatever anyone throws at me. Yeah, okay, sure. Most times I deal pretty well. With a LOT of help. Throw in the holidays, and I want to curl up in a corner somewhere, hold my blankie, and suck my thumb.

I've never had to do Thanksgiving or Christmas without Jason here. Or New Years. Or Valentine's Day, or any of the kids' (or my) birthdays. I feel like such a novice right now...only we've been doing this military thing for going-on 11 years right now. I know we've been fortunate. I know I'm lucky. I know.

And I know I am not alone. The "Holiday Blues" can affect anyone. Just think of the homeless, the breadwinner who just lost their job, the couple facing foreclosure, the newly diagnosed, newly widowed, divorced, alone. Again, this can affect anyone.

So, if you're down in these trenches with me, what are you doing to get out?

If you look at Dr. Larry A. Nadig's site, you willl see these recommendations, which are taken from the Serenity Prayer:
1. Accept the things I cannot change,
2. Courage to change the things I can, and
3. The wisdom to know the difference.

I like this. I like that it is *not* a pat answer. I am going to be implimenting this, as soon as possible. Right after I get some sleep.

Superstitious much?

2010-11-09T23:48:00.004-05:00

From Dictionary.com:
Su-per-sti-tion [soo-per-stish-uhn]
-noun
1. a belief or notion, not based on reason or knowledge, in or of the ominous significance of a particular thing, cirucumstance, occurence, proceeding, or the like.
2. a system or collection of such beliefs.
3. a custom or act based on such a belief.

I've never thought of myself as superstitious. As a matter of fact, I have worked rather determinedly to eradicate any hint of superstition from my life. As a Christian, I believe that superstition should have no part in my life.

That said, I have noticed something very interesting as a military wife. Some of the most grounded women I know throw all of that out the window when it comes to dealing with the stresses that come with this lifestyle, especially where deployments are concerned. Talking about certain subjects are off-limits, not so much because they are painful, but more because of the if-you-don't-say-it-then-it-won't-happen mentality. Others have their own pet superstitions, but I was surprised to learn what mine was.

The last time my husband deployed, I was VERY new to the Navy lifestyle...he had been active duty for just over a year. I was the Ombudsman for the ship, and had a brand new baby (one week old) and five other children. We were 19 hours away from any family. And boy did the deployment gremlins wreak havoc in my life. I dealt with more during that deployment than I *ever* expected. I hemorrhaged, the car windshield broke, the washer broke down, I broke my foot, my 2-year-old broke his collar bone...and more...in that short, SHORT four month deployment.

This time around, the deployment is longer. The children are older. My life is crazier. MUCH crazier. First of all, I find myself hoping that I got all of the deployment gremlins out of the way with that other deployment. Logic does not play into that much, considering that the first deployment was close to nine years ago. Nor, apparently, does clear thinking. I surprised myself the other day with not only the "if-I-don't-talk-about-it" type of thinking, but also with one that I'd heard from others, but never expected to come out of my mouth.

I don't even remember who I was talking to, or how it came up, but there was some discussion of a difficult situation, and the comment was made that, "it could be worse, you know." Without even thinking, out tumbled my latest deployment superstition. "Don't even say that...because it can and will get worse." Really? I said that?

Now, logically, I know the above statement is true. Things CAN get worse. In all likelihood, they will. (they already have, since that discussion...more on that at another time). That's not the point of this discussion. My point is that I made that thought into a superstition. Somehow in my head, it became one of those "don't say it and it won't happen" type of things.

The thing is, I KNOW that the opposite is true. If I can talk through something, I know it will never turn out as bad as I fear it will be. Even WHEN it happens. Maybe this is some coping mechanism on my part. I don't know. Deployment gremlins happen. Even when no one is deployed...they just seem worse now that he's gone than they do when I have someone here to share the load. But, now that I recognize yet another superstition, it is time for me to root it out.

So, fellow MilSpouses...what is your favorite superstition? How do you deal with these illogical beliefs?

WARNING RANT WARNING

2010-10-19T20:15:00.003-04:00

Or maybe I should just say, emotional spillage of the "keeper of the stuff" this week.
Blame it on the hormones.
Lack of sleep.
Too many teenagers in the house?
Too much time to think.
Anyway, for your reading pleasure....written last night before collapse.
**********************************************

Must not appear weak.

Must not cry.

Must not show fear.

Must not snap at children.

Must not ask for help.

Must not.

Why?!?

Because I’m supposed to be strong?!?

Because I don’t want to scare my children?

Because I don’t want to scare myself?

There are so many reasons.

My husband has to concentrate on his job. If I dump it on him, I may distract him from his job. Can’t do that.

Other people have their own lives. They’re busy. If I dump on someone, they are going to run the other way screaming. I’ve lost too many potential friends that way. I NEED all of the friends I have.

I am too needy, apparently. I supposedly knew what I was getting into. Yeah, right.

I was the one who chose to have so many children. It’s all my fault, so I’m not allowed to ask for help.

I have to be a good student, have a perfectly clean house, get all of my work done on time, be the wife that my husband needs (which right now means running all over creation to get errands accomplished), be the perfect daughter (whatever that is…because apparently whatever it is, I can never meet up to that standard), never forget appointments, be sunny and cheerful at all times, have a well-developed, grounded and growing relationship with God – always in good standing with Him and all of His children (RIGHT), have all of the finances in order, the cars in perfect working condition, the dog and cat perfectly groomed and perfectly behaved, keep the neighbors happy, always drive the speed limit (good luck), and somehow wear that stupid perpetual smile/grin that is NOT me.

Meanwhile, deep inside, I want to cry. I need help with the 13+ loads of laundry per week, the kitchen is a mess, the dog stinks (and what *IS* that green spot on the carpet?!?), the cat escapes whenever she gets the chance, the kids are doing good to get their homework done each night, never mind the laundry, cleaning their rooms, and keeping up with outside commitments, I’m behind on my school work, AND on my work-work, my mother won’t talk to me, and I feel like a failure in almost every arena, at the moment.

The devil is really having a hey-day with me today. The tapes are playing loud and clear…but not quite loud enough to drown out the praise music in the background, or the beautiful words of encouragement from great friends.

Camera woes...

2010-10-17T22:07:00.002-04:00

I took some more pictures...we had a friend from SC visit, who will also be deploying, and we had to get pictures with "Uncle Dave", but now the camera and computer aren't communicating, and I don't have the energy or patience to work through fixing it. So, I will get it fixed...eventually. Right now, I am dealing with a mid-term (10 essay questions!!), a paper, two extra (seminar-type) classes, and six busy and sad children, as well as a cat that has gone into mourning. I think I'm going to call it an early night, and get an early start on things tomorrow.

So Long, and thanks for all the....

2010-10-09T16:55:00.004-04:00

...Good wishes!

We had a GREAT time tonight with 70+ people at our house for Jason's farewell party.

It was a TON of fun.

Great friends.

Good food.

Great conversation.

Lots of good wishes.

And prayers for the next year.

I am SO very thankful for my church family!!

Family Pictures!!!

2010-10-03T21:51:00.004-04:00

Like I posted yesterday, we had an amazing photo shoot on the beach, and in our yard, with our friend Jimmy Sadler. He does AMAZING work, and is also a very creative writer. Go see his work at his website: http://www.jimmysadler.com/

Beach Fun

2010-10-02T23:50:00.003-04:00

Today was an absolutely amazing day. We have had a family picture day in the works for a while, and it finally worked....and let me just say that I think we all had a BLAST!! Our photographer was an "old" friend from Bible College days, who lives about an hour away from us, and who was able to come and spend the afternoon with us on the beach. Jimmy is an amazing photographer, a gifted writer, and I am so blessed to call him a friend. Can't wait to see the pictures!!! Meanwhile, go check out his website, and see if you agree with me... Jimmy Sadler, you're an amazingly creative mobile dustpile!!

Music to remember

2010-09-30T23:09:00.002-04:00

I've spent some time this evening (since my exam is over, there is no pressing work, and my next paper is due Sunday?) browsing through blogs I know and love, and used to read on a regular basis, way back before life became as insane as it is right now.

I was overjoyed to catch up with several "old friends" and see how life is treating them these days. I was also able to introduce my husband to one particularly special couple I have kept up with, off and on, for the last two years. Angie Smith and her husband Todd (of Selah) have seen God lead them through a lot in the last two years. When you have some time, go read the amazing story of their daughter, Audrey Caroline, and how God has used them since her birth and death. Angie's blog is called "Bring the Rain," named after MercyMe's song below, and it plays on her blog every time you open a new page. So listen...and then go visit Angie's blog. God has done (and is still doing) some amazing things there....

BlogSharing

2010-09-19T17:45:00.002-04:00

I just stumbled on this most incredible new (to me) blog, called Regarding War. Every one of the writers is attached to the military in some way, some as former active-duty military members, some as parents of military members, and some as spouses of military members. I haven't had a chance to read through everything, but this looks like a blog I am going to go back and check out again.

On life and studying

2010-09-19T01:52:00.003-04:00

As I am sure you are aware by now, my life and stress level have accelerated recently. With starting grad school, I have had to make quite a few changes, including cutting back on my work level (paid work), and really revisiting my study habits. Doing that and preparing for my husband to be gone have made me realize how lazy I have gotten in recent years. That's not an easy or nice realization. I don't think of myself as lazy. Or, maybe I should say I don't *like* to think of myself as lazy.

I did not become lazy intentionally. I didn't think about it. This "just happened." I DID think consciously about allowing my husband to be more of the leader in our home. Unfortunately, I allowed that to go to such a degree that I have abdicated much more responsibility than I should have. UGH. Now, with him planning to be gone for a whole year, suddenly I find myself having to assume many more responsibilities than I have handled in the last several years. Paying bills. Filling the gas tanks. Making all of the day-to-day decisions for children's activities. For my own activities.

So now I find myself needing motivation that I haven't had for quite a while. Motivation to keep my house clean. Motivation to actually COOK meals. And plan meals. And self-care stuff...like taking showers on days that I don't have anywhere to go. And finding someone to talk to. And staying in fellowship with other believers. And maintaining my own spiritual feeding and growth. So many things that I have sadly neglected or pushed off on my husband.

I am SO glad that he has been able to be such a help to me. I am grateful for this opportunity for him...even though I am going to miss him A LOT. Because, let me tell you, that man of mine is amazing. He is a leader...in our home, our church, and in the Navy. I am very excited to watch him, and watch what God is doing in and through him, especially during this challenging next year.

But this post is about me, and my recent (re)discovery of my own laziness. And I am realizing that I need friends in my life on a (very) regular basis to help me in this process. I have also come to the conclusion that I don't have CLOSE personal friends. Oh, I have a LOT of "friends" - at church, in the Navy community, in our neighborhood, across the country in places we have lived in the past. Sadly, I don't know if I can call on most of them any time of the day, just to dump, or if I could ask for help with transportation problems. I KNOW I can count on most for emergencies...just because they're awesome like that. But, personally, I feel strange asking anyone for help.

See, I have these tapes that play in my head. Tapes that are recordings of things people have said to me, or in my hearing, in the past. Logical or not, those tapes play over and over, telling me all kinds of strange things. These tapes say that people will see me as "too needy," or that people will think poorly of me or think of me as a manipulator if I ask for help. I hear those tapes saying that I should just suck it up, and deal with it, because I was the one that chose to have so many children, so I should deal with the results of those choices. I still hear those tapes saying that only weaklings need counseling - - even though I KNOW BETTER. I hear those tapes blaming ME for everything from world over-population to the depletion of the ozone layer. See...I told you those tapes were not necessarily logical.

So, in the midst of an extremely challenging period in my life, I am realizing that I need to concentrate on developing some very good, deep friendships. And honestly, I don't know where to start. Because I think I have had *1* very good, very deep friendship as an adult (aside from my husband) - and that was/is a VERY long-distance friendship...and I need good, LOCAL friends...friends with skin on, right here, in my house, hanging out, coaxing me out of my house, and encouraging me in the dailiness of my life.

New Glasses all around

2010-09-09T23:41:00.003-04:00

Yesterday we were finally able to go pick up the last of the glasses and contacts, which we had been waiting for. Ahhhh...relief. We were SORELY in need of new glasses. Heather had broken hers at the end of the school year, in June, and hadn't been able to see since. Jon's were being held together with tape. Justin was missing a nose-piece, and his glasses were rubbing his poor little nose raw. Frances was wearing contacts that were OLD and needed to be thrown away. Leah needed her new reading glasses for school. And mine...well, my old glasses were OLD...over 6 years old, and so scratched I could barely see through them. It was time.

Now, we can all see....I feel a song coming on again...it has been heard repeatedly in our house this week....

"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way..."

Of mice and men...

2010-09-08T07:21:00.003-04:00

...or How the Military can mess with your plans.

First off, grad school is looking less and less overwhelming, as the days pass, and especially so after this last weekend of playing catch-up. I am no longer BEHIND, and finally feel like I actually might be able to keep up. Believe me, this is a BEAUTIFUL thing!!

Today is the second day of school for the kids for the year. Everyone survived their first day back, and mom and dad survived signing away the forests of Virginia...seriously, how many reams of paper did they just waste to send all of that crap home....and that was just for MY children. Oh, but my house was SO nice and quiet yesterday. I got a LOT accomplished!!

My work schedule has had to be adjusted, of late, to accommodate the addition of classes to the schedule. It also means (*ahem*) that my husband thinks he can just add things for me to do, on a whim, and because I work from home I *should* be able to just go and do, at his bidding. Yeah, that creates a little tension in our house from time to time.

Yesterday he called me up to ask if I was *free* at 1:00 tomorrow (today). He is almost at the end of his tour with his current command, and there is to be an awards ceremony this afternoon, and the command wants me to attend. Of course, I said I could be there...I want to be supportive of him!!

But, this end-of-command brings up the real change of plans. The end of one set of orders means the beginning of another. Which means transition. Change. I don't do change...or rather, I don't LIKE change. And this one is a doozie. Jason is separating from this command on the 15th, and will have approximately a month off, after which he reports to his new command, to head out for training before leaving for what is affectionately (*insert sarcasm font*) known as the sandbox. For a year.

Now, I know a lot of people who have been down this route repeatedly. And lived through it. And their families survived. But the last time Jason was deployed was 8 years ago - and that was only for four months. I'm out of practice. And I'm more than a little nervous.

There's a LOT to deal with on the homefront, when there are as many people in the house as we have. It would be NICE to have a second driver while he's gone....but the oldest is terrified of driving, even though she could have gotten her license way back in February. And she is in marching band...which means practices and competitions and football games. And the next two are in band at the middle school....and one is going to be in the Art Club. And then there are activities for the three in elementary school.

Plus, Frances is still dealing with the numbness in her arms and hands, and after a year the doctors still haven't figured out why. All they can tell us is that her nerves are healthy, and everything looks normal. So we have periodic doctors' visits, more testing, and twice-weekly physical therapy appointments.

And then there is my school. And work. And church. See why I'm a little nervous about his leaving? There's only one of me. And there is enough to keep two or three of us busy. And even for all of my advertising and begging, no one has found my clone, or stepped forward to offer their services as my administrative assistant (volunteer position, of course!).

So, that leaves me in the same place as many other military spouses...preparing for being a married single parent, and not knowing how I'm going to be able to do it. I know that I have wonderful friends, and a GREAT church family, and I KNOW that I can call on them for emergencies, and they'll rally. The emergencies are not what concern me so much. It's the dailiness that gets to me. The trying to figure out how to juggle everything, without dropping any of the important stuff. (which is already happening - who am I kidding...I forget stuff ALL the time...even if it IS written in my day planner!).

So, now I am off...I have work to get done before heading to his awards ceremony. And laundry. And dishes. You know...all of those things that have to get done anyway....