Observations: On moving, and getting settled-in

As a preface, I tell clients that my training is in making observation of patterns of behavior and thought, and drawing educated conclusions from those observations.  That is how I think...I observe patterns. 





The topic of moving is VERY fresh and on my mind, since we are in the settling-in phase of a move.  We are feeling our way around a new area, learning streets, where the good restaurants are, where to grocery shop, finding doctors, and gas stations, and church, and friends.  This is always a mixed bag of sadness, and excitement, and anxiety. 

 From the moment of arrival at the new, empty house, all the way through until the last box is unpacked (HA!!), this process is hard.  We are exhausted from whatever travel we have had to do.  We are all overworked with the packing process, cleaning out the old place, disposing of things that didn't make the cut, and saying farewells to places and people who have been important to us.  We are emotionally wrung-out from everything, and on edge about what the newest adventure will hold. 


We are a military family.  By usual standards, we move a LOT.  In counting back over 26 years, Jason and I have lived in 18 different houses, in 6 states.  We have a lot of experience with what it takes to get through a move.  We may be short with each other, and grumpy, and eat too much pizza, but we survive each and every move. 


In addition to all of the newness of a new state, new service providers, new environs....the hardest is always the making of new friends.  We are ALWAYS the outsiders.  This is harder on some family members than others....the more extroverted family members tend to find it easier to jump in with both feet, seeming to instantly make connections, while others take a while to warm up to and make friends with these new people.  Some areas seem to make it more difficult to make friends...perhaps being less used-to having military families around means that there is less expectation of making quick connections.  As a military family, we KNOW the importance of making connections quickly, both of the networking variety, and of the friendship variety. 

We were sitting around our dining table the other night, talking about expectations, and how challenging it is that our expectations are ALWAYS wrong.  This is something I have struggled with for the entirety of our married life, and applies very aptly to this discussion.  In all of our 18 different locations, I have had expectations based on others' experiences of moving....the proverbial "welcome-to-the-neighborhood cookies/pie/meal".  That has NEVER happened.  NOT ONE TIME.  Never has anyone noticed the moving vans and come to knock on the door to even say "welcome".  NOT ONE TIME. 

Now, I know this is not a universal experience.  I know that there ARE welcoming people, and that those stereotypes/expectations are there for a reason...there ARE places and times that this happens.  It just has not happened for our family.  And that is a challenge for me...because some day, we will no longer be the perpetually-new people on the block, and I can be the one sending over cookies, and inviting the new neighbors for dinner or coffee. 

I genuinely look forward to that day!! 

On house-hunting, educational choices, and discrimination

There is an issue rolling around in my head that is somewhat new to me, and so I am going to try to process this here on paper.  Forgive me if this seems rambly. 

I know there are some of you who will laugh, and say, "Girl, WHERE have you been?!?  This is NOT a new issue!"  Forgive me...this has not been on my radar, AT. ALL.  Though, to be honest, it probably should have.  Just chalk this up to my privilege showing....

I know a LOT of people who try to claim that racism no longer is a major part of this country's makeup, and that discrimination is rare.  I beg to differ.... 

In looking for houses, one big thing to consider, as a parent with children in school, is the quality of the school district, and of the individual schools.  There is a rating system, and it is easy to quickly see how well a school scores because those scores are included on the websites with the houses that are advertised. 

So, we've been looking at houses, and by extension, looking at schools, for the last two months.  And I saw something that really has bothered me.  In the areas of town where the rent is the lowest, and there are a large number of rental homes available, the schools scored the lowest (and by lowest, I mean the worst).  In the area zoned for the "good" schools, there is practically NO rentals available, and even though we are SOLIDLY middle-class, we couldn't afford to buy the homes that were available. 

I KNOW.  Schools get money based on their tax base.  I know that's how they are paid-for.  I get it. 

I just want to know, if there is no classism, no racism, no discrimination, why children from lower-income families don't get the same priority for a quality education as those from homes with higher incomes?  Are their educations less important?  Is there somehow less value to them attaining a good education? 

Methinks there is something rotten in the state of Denmark....

Inside my head (during a PCS move)

"I'm sorry, ma'm.  You have what is known as 'major-move-itis'.  There is no treatment for this.  You just have to ride it out, and hope for the best." 

Every time we move, I feel like I have come down with the worst sickness known to man. 
No one wants to do things with me because I am moving. 
Heck, I don't want to do things with me....I don't like who I am when I am preparing for a move. 
I am anxious...so much to do in so little time. 
I am going to forget something, so I am hyper-focused. 
I beat myself up about how messy the house is. 
I beat myself up about how much stuff has accumulated in the 2.5/3/4/7 years we have been in this place. 
I want to spend all the time with all the people. 
I want to hibernate...sleeping away the time will make it pass more quickly, right?!?
I feverishly try to get all the things done.
I feverishly attempt to avoid doing all the things. 

Internally, it is no better. 
I'm a ball of nerves. 
Emotions well up at the most inopportune times. 
I get overwhelmed easily. 
I show my anxiety as anger, and impatience. 
I have gotten better over the years, but my poor husband used to bear the brunt of my move-emotions. 

This time, we have a forced day off a week before the movers arrive. 
There is a BLIZZARD forecast for tonight.  EVERYTHING will be closed tomorrow.  There is really NOTHING we can do...no going out to return things, or get rid of things.  I mean, I WILL continue washing curtains and boxing them up, and planning what needs to go out next trash day, and trying to sell off 5 window AC units, a dryer, and 39 extra gift bags, among other things...but I can (and WILL) do that from the comfort of my office, in my jammies and warm slippers....with a hot cup of tea. 

Please pray for a smooth-ish transition over the two weeks.... we need it!!