Lonely

Lonely doesn't even begin to cover where I am today. 

I'm sad. 
I'm grieving. 
I'm angry. 
I'm afraid...afraid that I'm on the edge of depression...afraid that a terrible injustice is going to ruin our lives...afraid that evil will prevail. 
I'm overwhelmed. 
And, yes, I am LONELY. 

I am so VERY lonely. 
Yes, there are friends. 
And yes, I can talk to some of them about some of the things. 
But, really I don't have anyone with whom I can talk about ALL of the things. 

So I pray...my heart bleeds...my eyes leak...my chest feels heavy...my brain feels tired. 
And I know He hears...
...which is comforting...
...but still I am lonely. 

Because right now, I need someone with skin on to be Jesus to me...
...to wait for answers with me...
...to be parent-like to me...
...to hug me while I cry...
...to insist that I eat when I feel more like vomiting from the stress...
...to help me laugh...
...to distract me.

Lonely.