Thursday, May 19, 2011

Summer is coming!!

 Watermelon just screams SUMMER!!!

And for Justin...
(who won't eat watermelon)...

Another day older and.... day closer to seeing my honey!! 

As our R&R approaches, I find myself making all sorts of plans, knowing that most of them will fall to the wayside.  He has already made some plans for us (GET AWAY!! - so excited!), and he and two of our girls are to be in a wedding during that (very) short 15 days we get with him.  The kids are excited, I'm excited....I'm sure he's excited, too. 

Why do I dread it, then, if we are all so excited at the prospect of seeing honey/daddy for two whole weeks?!?  I know one of the things I dread is the thought of his leaving again, and the sadness and turmoil that will follow.  I dread 4 more months of not having him here.  I dread the feeling of disconnection.  I dread being *the* parent of the hour...supervising, planning, feeding, driving...doing it all alone again. 

Ah, but meanwhile, the excitement is building...and I need to get busy on this messy house...

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Tuesday Ramblings

The kids are all dropped off at one took the bus today.  The oldest is not feeling well, but wanted to go to school anyway, because today is her day for her math class that she's doing so poorly in, and she needs to be there.  Tomorrow is her AP English exam, so she'll have a chance to sleep after that is done. 

This singly-parenting-while-married thing is hard.  Juggling schedules for 6 kids and myself, and making time to be at the computer each and every time he might be able to get on and talk.  I miss him so much.  I feel a hole in my chest where he is supposed to be.  I have a hard time sleeping.  I never get enough sleep.  I have a short fuse and a messy house...and no motivation to clean.

I feel alone.  Since he's deployed as a GSA (by himself, not with a "unit" - between other sets of orders), we don't really have a built-in support system here for me and the kids.  I am missing being in military housing with other spouses who could commiserate with me.  I'm not really feeling the love from our church...mainly, I think, because we're not set up to deal with it.  *I* was supposed to be the head of the military ministry, not the one needing the support...which means *I* get nothing.  Oh, people ask how we are.  What am I supposed to say?!?  Usually, I'm okay.  Because that's about where I am.  Things are okay.  We cope.  We get the big stuff done.  I want to think that things would be better if we had a really supportive church.  How would I know...this is the first time we have done anything like this. 

So, not only am I dealing with the deployment issues, but my heart is heavy for some friends who are hurting.  Single parents struggling to make ends meet and feeling alone.  Married friends dealing with marital issues.  Friends working through stuff from their past.  Parents hurting for their children.  Children hurting for their parents.  Today I'm feeling all of this as a weight on my chest. 

The dog is outside barking because he wants to be inside.  Last night we had to put up the baby gate to block him from getting to the cat box and picking out "treats."  I want to hurl, thinking about that one. 

I need to go to the pet store to get crickets for the leopard gecko. 
I need to go to the grocery store...I feel like I spend half of my life there.
I need to go to the hardware store, with measurements in hand to price blinds...and closet doors. 
I need someone to help put up new, or fix the old closet doors. 
I need to paint the rails with the paint I bought last week. 
I need to bathe the little dog.
I need to mow the yard.
I need to get on the treadmill.
I need to get in the shower and get ready for lunch with a friend. 
I need to clean my kitchen, shampoo the carpet, clean my bedroom, scrub the bathrooms, do laundry.

I *want* to curl up with a mindless book somewhere and read and sleep.  I want to be pampered.  I want my husband home. 

The promise of lunch beckons...must go. 

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Is it May already?!?

Life sure does have a way of getting the way of things like writing!!  I signed in today, and realized that it has been more than a month since I wrote on here.  Meanwhile, I finished another semester of grad school (Yay, me!!), with its accompanying bjillion papers, projects, and exams.  We survived Spring Break for the kids...and have only six more weeks of school before they are out for the summer and we are preparing for Dad's R&R.  Now things are picking up with kids' spring/summer activities.  We have Scouts Venturing camp-outs and meetings, baseball practice and games, and end-of-the-school-year activities, the biggest of which, so far, is the Ring Dance for eldest daughter...

So, in honor of Ring Dance...PICTURES!!!

Isn't she beautiful?!?  I can't believe she is a Junior already..and that next year we'll be visiting colleges!!