Bucket List

What exactly is a Bucket List?  From the Urban Dictionary (UrbanDictionary.com), the idea is a list of things one desires to accomplish/do before they "kick the bucket", hence, bucket list.  

I have never been enamored of the whole idea...probably because it was popularized in movie form, in the 2007 movie of the same name, and movies tend to turn me OFF to ideas more often than not.  

I do, however, think that a list of goals for my life is a good thing.  

I don't want money.  

I really don't want fame.  

I am a low-maintenance person, for the most part, so many things just are not terribly attractive to me.  

I do have a few things I think would be interesting, which MIGHT fall into the realm of a "normal" bucket list.  

I LOVE to travel, to see new places, and experience historical sites.  

I LOVE to read...biographies, mostly, but also academic literature.  Yeah, I know I'm weird.  

Other than that, I really can't think of much else that would fall within the normal frame of a bucket list.  In thinking this through, though, I came up with some other things I'd like to do.  

In my travels, I want to work in missions.  

I want to minister to refugees.  

I want to experience The Church in all of the corners of the earth, in different languages and cultures.

I want to see families living and loving and growing and worshiping in cultures other than my own.  

I want to write about what God is doing in people all over the world.  

I want to walk alongside the missionaries and ministers and their families in the hard places.  

I want to help others experience freedom...emotional, mental, and especially spiritual freedom.  

Above all of those things, I have only one other desire.  

I want my children to see and know me for who I truly am, a daughter loved by the King of Kings, and to not consider me a hypocrite.  If I can accomplish that, none of the rest of the list matters to me, in the long run.  

Things I Wish I had Known Before I Had Children

I love my kids.  Never doubt that.

Photo credits to Jimmy Sadler

There ARE times when I fantasize about what life would be like in a smaller, less-hectic household.  Those are the times when I think of the things I *SHOULD HAVE* thought through prior to having children.

• Not getting enough sleep.  EVER. AGAIN.  Because those babies want to eat...all.the.time.  And those toddlers will be up at ungodly hours in the morning, after keeping you up all night long barfing.  And the middle schoolers and high schoolers have activities in the evening, and then have to be up again in the morning.  Early.  To get on the bus, or be driven to school (and God-forbid I drive them in my PJs!).  And jobs.  And middle-of-the-night phone calls from college.  And by that point, my body is just in the habit of *not* sleeping, so of course now that I *might* be able to sleep in...I can't.  
• Cooking.  All.The.Time.  For some reason they insist on eating three meals per day every day...multiply that times approximately 30 years, and I will have cooked WAY more than I ever thought possible by the time they all graduate to doing all of their own cooking.  
• Laundry.  Multiply 13 loads per week, at least, times 52 weeks per year, times at least 20 years. 
• Heartache.  Everyone gets sucked in by the mesmerizing baby-scent.  And you love that baby...and then it grows up.  Or doesn't.  And there is the heartache of childhood illness, and mistreatment in school by bullies, or teachers who don't understand, or lack of financial resources, and the child's broken heart over that first or second or third romantic interest...and for some reason no one ever explained that the heartaches just got bigger as the child grew more independent, or that the young adult years would be harder than all of the baby and toddler years combined.

The joy of having a large family, and the love that is multiplied is amazing, and I wouldn't trade it for anything...But is there someone I can complain to about that whole "informed consent" thing?  I REALLY didn't know what I was getting into here!! 

Children and Schools

We have had a variety of schooling experiences over our 21+ years of raising children.

Just to give you a picture of where we are right now, we have:
1 Senior in college
1 Freshman in college
1 Senior in high school
1 Sophomore in high school
1 8th grader
1 6th grader
AND a husband who is a professional student....

We have had children in public schools in 4 states, and have homeschooled in 2 states.  Jason and I never attended public schools...we were both products of private Christian schools.

While our children have been in public schools, we have experienced a LOT. We have seen schools that ranked among some of the best in the nation, AND schools ranked as some of the worst.  We had a child attacked and permanent damage done, for which no one was held accountable.  We had schools on lockdown.  We had some exceptional teachers, and some that were not-so-good.  We had a teacher proposing to meet with a teenaged child in her apartment, alone {she was fired}.  Our children were exposed to other children on drugs, children who were abused, and children who were abandoned.  Our children have also experienced a high quality education, musical and sports opportunities, for which there has been a high level of support on all levels of the schools.

Our children have been able to take languages - Japanese, Spanish, Chinese, Arabic, German, Italian, and French, as well as Latin.

All of our children have had musical opportunities as fit their giftings - one plays the flute and piccolo, and is learning guitar; one plays all brass, percussion, and saxophone; another plays flute, piccolo, keyboard, and saxophone; one plays French horn/mellophone; and 4 have been in singing groups.

One of those children is going on to study music on a college level, and has thought about going back and teaching music on a middle school and high school level.

I have been thinking recently about the opportunities our children have had, at relatively little cost to us.

Our oldest child was in public school in South Carolina for Kindergarten (when she took Japanese) and for most of her 1st grade year, and then we moved a second time within that year, and started homeschooling.

There was a point in time where homeschooling was the only option I was comfortable with using.  I bought into the thought-process that if *I* did everything right (homeschool, no TV, no R-rated or PG-13 movies, limited vaccines, correctly disciplined, memorized enough Scripture, attend AWANA, attend the right church, etc.), my children would turn out "right".  Yeah, that turns out to have been [at least] misleading, and likely blatantly false.


We eventually put our children back into public schools, first in Montana, and then when we moved to Virginia, and now in Massachusetts.  I was petrified.  I had never had much exposure to how public schools worked, or what was expected of parents.

For the most part, life with children in public schools has been good.  The school system in Virginia Beach offered opportunities that we really benefited from...an academy system within the district, with specialty schools, International Baccalaureate middle and high schools, GREAT band programs, peripheral music programs, exposure to students from a WIDE variety of backgrounds and countries, and a host of really good kids that our kids became good friends with.

So far, our experiences with the schools in Massachusetts have been positive, as well.  The schools are much smaller than those we experienced in Virginia, with a much lower student:teacher ratio, more money for special things like iPads for all of the kids 6th grade and up, and no band fees for involvement in the band and guard programs.  We have also not had to purchase school supplies, which is a VERY welcome break from our experiences in Virginia, Montana, and South Carolina.

Back when we had our first child, and I thought about sending her off to school, the thought was overwhelming, and I couldn't see very far into the future.  Now that child is a college senior, and is putting together funding to take her GRE and apply to grad school.  I don't know what the future holds, for any of my kids, but I know that God is in control of that just as much now as He was way back when I thought *I* was the one determining how well they turned out in the end, and I am very grateful for that!!  I am also grateful that our country provides for the education of its citizens, and for the variety available within the public school system.

This day in history....

"A date which will live in infamy..." ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

President Roosevelt was speaking to the nation and the world regarding the events of December 7, 1941, when he spoke the above words....yet, those of us who lived through the events of September 11, 2001, could apply them to that date, as well.

National Parks picture

I have been thinking about those events, after reading through a note I wrote in 2011, when we were approaching the tenth anniversary of the hijacking of 4 airliners, the collapse of the World Trade Center, the destruction at the Pentagon, and the heroic measures of the passengers aboard the flight that crashed in a field in Pennsylvania.

One of the realizations I had this morning is that we now have 14 years of children who do no know life prior to the increased security measures implemented since 9/11/01.  My oldest four children were 1, 3, 5, and 7 years old when the attacks happened.  Even the one who was 7, and is now 21, barely remembers life prior to the attacks.  I was 3 months pregnant when the attacks happened.  My now-13-year-old and my 11-year-old have no inkling at all of what life looked like prior to 9/11.

I have family who were freed from the concentration camps in Europe after World War II.

My father was inches from being drafted in Vietnam.

My father-in-law served on the ground war in freeing Kuwait during Operation Desert Storm.

I look back at those events with interest, but little horror, because I did not experience them.

I am certain that our children will do the same with 9/11 and the ensuing Second Gulf War.  It is inevitable.  It is how we survive, psychologically.

As humans, we were not created to experience sin, nor the results of sin.  And yet, because of Adam and Eve's original sin, we do not know life apart from the results of sin.  We suffer at the hands of others, we get sick, we die...all the result of sin.

And yet, we need to remember.  We need to be reminded regularly how life was prior to 9/11, and what changed, and all of the freedoms and lives that were taken as a result of the attack on our country.

We also need to be reminded, as believers, that our hope is not in our country, or in the comforts and freedoms we enjoy here, but our hope is found in the person of Jesus Christ, and the sacrifice He made for us so that we can experience a bigger and better freedom than any offered by this country we live in and love.

Why I don't crowd-source my parenting decisions

Crowd-Sourcing: obtain (information or input into a particular task or project) by enlisting the services of a number of people, either paid or unpaid, typically via the Internet. (Source: Google)

Recent months have seen a lot of people crowd-sourcing a lot of things.  What to name the baby?  Encouragement to stop smoking.  Funds for people in need.  Prayers for friends who are suffering from one thing or another.  What to send the teacher at the end of the school year?  Where to find good clothes for the kids?  What to feed the kids?  How to get the kids to actually eat what we fix?

I LOVE my friends "in my computer". Really. I have a hard time finding local friends because we move so much, and some of my virtual friends I have known longer than I have been married (which is not-quite-forever, but pretty close!).

I have a LOT of friends I have accumulated over almost 23 years of married life, 15+ years of military life and living in 5 different states, in 20+ houses, attending 9 different churches.

All of those friends have different backgrounds, different life-experiences, and different expectations. 

Most of my friends are quite helpful, and will offer a lot of helpful advice, when asked.  Some will offer it even when they are not asked!!  

I even have a special group of friends that I got to ESPECIALLY for parenting advice.  

It would be (and IS!) really easy to jump on to social media and solicit input from the billions of people available online.  

However, there are some pretty good reasons I do NOT often crowd-source my 1200+ Facebook friends on most of my parenting decisions.

1. Different expectations, backgrounds, and experiences.  

Remember all of the different places I have lived?  All of those lovely people who are my friends? They each have different expectations of their children.  Their backgrounds are different than mine, and influence their decision-making processes in different ways than my background affects me and my children.  

2. Details.

I don't want to get online and give all of the details of everything that goes into WHY my children act the way they act.  There are things my children have experienced that my crowd-source has NO BUSINESS knowing.   And yet, those very experiences play a HUGE role in why I parent my children the way I do.  Additionally, there is no way someone who has lived in the same town for all of their life can understand the intricacies of a life lived in multiple locations, changing schools many times, and having friends spread out all over the world.  I can't expect them to help me make good decisions when there is no way they can know and understand all of the details.  

3. I am the parent.  

The idea that it takes a village to raise a child is a nice one.  It really helps to have input from others who love my children and want the best for them.  But, frankly, most of my friends do not know my children.  They have not set foot in my house (but please, we WELCOME visitors!!), and have not experienced life in our larger-than-average, dorky-crazy household.  They are NOT responsible to get my children out the door each morning to school, or to fix meals for them in the evenings, or to provide a roof over their heads and transportation to their 9-bjillion activities.   

JASON and I are responsible for that, and for all of the other things that come with having children and being adults.  Ultimately, no matter the input I get from other people, the decisions are MY responsibility.  Asking for too much input from others who don't have details, and don't understand our circumstances is just crazy-making.  

So, I do occasionally ask for input from my friends, usually from the small group that has known me for almost 20 years.  And, even when I do ask, I don't always implement everything...not because I don't trust my friends, but because I know my kids, and how our family works...and I know that not everything everyone else tells me is going to work in our household.   

Parenting at the intersection of faith and military life: Friendships

At 5:30 this morning, I found myself sitting in my truck, waiting outside of the Inn here on base, playing on my phone (free wifi!!), facilitating yet another goodbye for my children.  This time, it was a friend of my 13-year-old, leaving to move to another Air Force base, in a state several hundred miles away.  Last time, it was us moving.  Next time, it may be us, and it may be another friend...I don't know, but I DO know that it WILL happen again.  Such is military life.  

As I waited, I thought of the strength of my children and their friends.
How quickly they make friends in new places.
How deep those friendships grow.
How strong they are in their "goodbyes" and "see ya laters".
Their hope, and their strength, and their deep love for their friends.

My children are strong, and amaze me every day with their resilience and adaptability.

For this, I am grateful.

Counting Down....

While we don't have any specific dates (as if!), we DO know that a very important part of our family will be home sometime in the next month.

So, what does that mean, exactly?

Cleaning.  Seriously.  You would never know that I have spent practically the whole time he's been gone cleaning this stupid house.  Maybe because there are a bjillion children through this house on a regular basis?

Cooking.  Have you seen what it takes to feed a bjillion teenagers and pre-teens?!?

Projects.  You know those things that we plan to do while the Significant Other Person is gone, so we can distract ourselves from missing them?  Yeah.









Instead we went to South Carolina for July 4th, shopped for school supplies, endured band camps, enjoyed fun visits with the eldest child and friends, prepared for school, started school, graduated from my Masters Program, sent a child to Florida for Prom with a friend, and then to West Virginia for a week, sent kids on two different Venturing camp-outs, dealt with a parking ticket, an impounded car, a lost cell phone, a visit to the ER for a bloody nose, an abscessed tooth, broken glasses, countless Skype calls, and planning for remodeling and selling the house.  We got to go to the beach, have spent time with our AMAZING military ministry group at church, seen friends from out of town, gone to two weddings, and had friends to the house for cook-outs twice.

While he was gone, Jason was able to visit Japan, and also went to Seoul, South Korea, to see the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ).  He has had the opportunity to be involved with a GREAT little church in Korea, and was able to preach four times so far, as well as help the church move to their new quarters, and has repeatedly cooked for the church's Sunday morning breakfasts.  He was also able to lead a Bible study for a while, before the command interfered and changed his schedule, making that difficult.  He got to play softball on base, and helped with several community events the command took part in.

But now the countdown is ON, and it's time for the motivation to kick in...any time now.  As soon as I can get these teenagers to go to bed....

Back to School, 2014 Edition

This year we have reduced the number of schools represented by our crowd.

Jason is in Grad School, yet again, through Liberty University Online.










Frances is a Junior at Columbia International University.

Jonathan is a Senior in High School.

Heather is a Junior in a different High School.

Justin is a Freshman at the same High School Jon attends.

Leah is in 7th grade, in Middle School.

Katherine is in 5th grade.

For a change, I am NOT in school!!



Happy First Day of School, 2014-2015!!

I've been MIA

The last 27 days (since I wrote) have been full.  Jason started back to work.  I have been working.  The kids have had Christmas plays, and Christmas concerts, and Christmas parties.  We've been BUSY.

Now that we are past Christmas, and getting ready to head back into school and work, I wanted to take a second to say thank you to everyone for your encouragement over the past year.

2011 has been a tough year, a year of learning and growth to be sure, but tough, and I am glad that it is almost over with.  Hopefully, as we adjust to a "new normal", and the new year, I'll be able to get on here a little more often.  For now, I'm going to go get some coffee....

Week (and month) in Review

Bullet-points, or I'll not get it all in...
This last week has been BUSY...

• Thanksgiving, November 24
• Heather's birthday November 25
• Drive back to VA from SC on Saturday, November 26
• Church on Sunday
• Put the "not-boyfriend", 2 little girls, 1 neighbor girl, and the 14-year-old to work raking leaves...4 bags out to the street.
• Kids back to school on Monday
• Jason and Laura raked 10 more bags of leaves out of the back yard.
• Laura finishing final projects on Monday
• Monday also included kids to venturing, one kid to PT, and Jason to a birthday party.
• Laura back to school Tuesday (ALL day)
• Tuesday the dogs got out and wandered the neighborhood for 4 hours...lots of worry and tears...
• Wednesday was a work-day, and shopping at the exchange.
• One kid to PT on Wednesday.
• Thursday was a work-day, and a relatively quiet evening at home.

November also included:

• Jason completed his year in Bahrain and arrived home on November 5th.
• Frances got her class ring stuck on her finger, and had to have it cut off. 
• I had to get two tires replaced on our 2008 van.
• We traded in our 2008 van for a 2012 van...2 weeks after the tire change.
• We all survived another month of school.
• We got the new Christmas tree set up...but no decorations on it...still need to find the box of ornaments.  

I know it's not November any more...we're going to a Christmas party tonight!!  And two kids are going to a Leadership seminary.  And Jason is running a 10-mile race tomorrow.  Whatever happened to calm and quiet weekends?!?

My first baby is a SENIOR!

Last night was Senior Night for Frances' Marching Band.  I got to go, and was able to (finally!) get pictures of her in her uniform.  

This is the child who HATES to have her picture taken.

Mom pinning on her corsage.    

All 16 seniors in the band. 

The seniors (Frances is on the very left with crutches!) with their Director, Mr. Tim Rossettini. 

I am so very proud of Frances!  With each student, they read off where they wanted to go to school, and what they planned to do afterwards...of the 16 Seniors, she was the only one planning to go to a Christian school, and she specifically said she wanted to go the mission field.  

Loving being a mom....

Operation Purple Camp

Because my husband is deployed this year, my children had the opportunity to attend a camp for military children, put on by the National Military Family Association. In Virginia, this occurred at the beautiful, if a bit far-removed-from-us, Camp Horizons, located in Harrisonburg, VA.  Four of our children were there for this past week, and THOROUGHLY enjoyed themselves!  Without further ado, here are pictures from camp, brought to you by Heather, our 13-year-old. 

Heather with the girls from her cabin.

The JMU ROTC brought weapons for the kids to see.

Heather and Leah.  SO glad they were able to be there together!

Justin.

Katherine with a counselor and a friend.

Justin with one of his counselors.

Katherine with one of the counselors from her cabin.

Scenes from hiking.

Katherine trying her hand at archery.

Katherine on the service project, picking squash.

There was dancing on the basketball court. 

I think all four of my kids who were able to go had a blast.  They made new friends, and experienced new things, and learned more about how strong they were. 

I am very grateful that they had the opportunity to attend Operation Purple Camp this year!!

Where I prove that I *can* be organized (pictoral proof for my husband, who doesn't believe me)

I took one of my "free" days this week, while four of the kids were at Operation Purple camp (post to come later, with pictures...), to lay the foundation for just a bit more organization in my life.  Which revolved around school supplies, and the intense need for a place to store and organize the ever-growing need for supplies. 

So, I compiled my list...this is for *4* children.  The four youngest...

And I went shopping (of which there are no pictures...because I was alone!!)












And I bought out the store.  Maybe.
You can see (if you look carefully) that this receipt goes on *forever*.







And I brought the lovely supplies home, and plopped them on the kitchen table so as to get some picture of just how much crap was involved in my children's "free" education.  For which I am not finished purchasing supplies.  And have spent an insane amount of money on...and not bought one single stitch of clothing. 












THEN, I actually ORGANIZED them, in NEAT piles, in the closet...ready for use. 

$175.00 later, and we are about half-way to being done with the school supply shopping for this year.