Sunday, August 16, 2015
For a lot of years (LONG prior to the production of the Incredibles!), I have WISHED I could have the super power of invisibility.
I wanted to disappear into the wallpaper.
I wanted no one to see how awkward I was (and, paradoxically, I wanted SOMEONE to notice and love me despite...).
I wanted to be able to disappear when I was being teased, or abused, or made fun of, or....
Now, however, my wish is a bit different. It seems, on some days, as if my wish HAS come true, and I AM invisible. NO ONE notices the tears, or the dark cloud, or the silence around me. NO ONE notices my aloneness. I walk through the halls at church, and I know no one besides my family (granted, it's a BIG church). I go to the Commissary, and I don't see any familiar faces. I walk around my neighborhood, and rarely see anyone I am even familiar with, never mind KNOWING anyone.
We are now 8 months out from having moved away from the place we lived for SEVEN YEARS. I have friends there. I knew almost every single bagger and cashier and manager at my local Kroger, at the gas station, at the bank, at every single one of the six separate schools my kids went to. I had the time and opportunity to KNOW my neighborhood there. If we were to have taken a walk through my neighborhood, I'd have been able to point out to you where my kids' friends lived, where the neighbor who drove too fast (and likely still didn't have his drivers' license!) lived, where the single mom moved to, after she left her husband, where my geriatric friend lived before she passed away....I KNEW my neighborhood, because we lived in it for four years.
I think this is one of the hardest periods as a military spouse. Yes, deployments are HARD. The actual move is HARD. But I really think this settling-in period after the move is in some way harder.
After six months, my friends from our previous duty station are moving on, spending time with others, finding other ways to fill their time, other people to go to lunch with, other coffee-buddies. Skype dates still DO happen, but it's not the same as having a hug, and a cup of coffee together, or looking forward to lunch out at Applebee's.
And meanwhile, I AM meeting people, but six, or seven, or eight months is not a lot of time in which to make new connections, and build relationships. So, some days I feel really invisible, as if I somehow DID finally get my super-power wish.
Thankfully, I know Someone who is always here, who loves me through the hard days, and has ALWAYS known my name, and sees me, even when no one else seems to.