Sunday, December 6, 2015

An Open Letter to my children

I am sorry that I cannot be the mother you deserve.  

You had no choice the family into which you were born, and the cards were already stacked against our relationship long before you were even a twinkle.  

Though each and every one of you was wanted, and loved, and cared-for, there is so much more I wish I had been able to give you over the intervening years.  

I wish I had the knowledge of HOW to have a good, close relationship with you.  
I wish I could give you the gift of unconditional love.
I wish I knew how to give you the words and knowledge to stand up to a world that doesn't appreciate strong women, and sensitive men.  

I am sorry that my brokenness has had a detrimental effect on our relationships.  
I am sorry that I taught you things I didn't want to pass on, because I didn't know how to do it better. 
I am sorry if how I responded told you things about yourself that just were not true....really, in this case, it is definitely about me, and is in no way your fault.  
I am sorry that my brokenness interfered with my ability to protect you and guide you and love you.  

I told myself many years ago that with God's help I was determined to break the bondage of generations of abuse.  I pray that you are able to go out into life without the brokenness I live with daily.  I pray that God has used the broken pieces that He is putting back together to help you be the men and women He wants you to be.  I pray that you love HIM with all of your hearts, because no matter how much I was unable to do, He is the Perfect Parent...He knows much better than I do what each of you needs, and can provide that much better that I can.  

Please forgive me for not being the mother that you so deserve.  

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