Sunday, May 30, 2010

Musings, Reflections, and Dumping....

If you have followed along with our journey so far, you know that our family has been through the wringer a few times. Each time I realize all over again one of the reasons we go through these is to draw me closer to my God, to remind me yet again that that He LOVES me, and that HE wants a relationship with ME. Amazing.

This current situation is no different. Our pastor spoke this morning about creating space in our lives. About slowing down. Giving ourselves a margin. Yeah. Ouch. I was already trying to pull back from things a couple of months ago. Some of my friends will remember that I asked for help in sorting through my commitments, prioritizing them. I was able to drop a few things...just in time of a new spate of doctor's appointments and physical therapy, which immediately ate up every bit of margin I had eeked out of my crowded schedule.

This weekend has been a MUCH-needed restful one. We went to Colonial Williamsburg. We hung out with friends. We have grilling, laundry, and a trip to the beach planned for tomorrow. I slept. Friday night I slept for 10 hours. Last night I got about 7 hours. This afternoon I took a 3 hour nap. I am STILL exhausted.

I have found that when I am tired I lose perspective in a hurry. I start throwing blame around. I get emotional and (for lack of a better word) b*tchy. In general, a really NOT nice person to be around.

I hate when I get this way. I am overwhelmed. I am sad. I am emotional. I want answers for my daughter...and yet I am afraid of what those answers will mean for her and us. There is WAY too much going on in my life right now for me to take a break from life, which is what I really want to do. I want to take a sabbatical. To go away to a cabin in the mountains and read, and rest, and write. Yeah, not happening for a while.

Meanwhile, there is so much to anticipate happening in the next 3 to 9 months. A move. New schools. A deployment. And whatever those dreaded/anticipated results bring on Tuesday.

So, I have a question for any parents who have dealt long-term with their own children's health issues...right now things are in crisis mode. How do you deal, long-term? What can I expect? How do I keep the balance in the house, with the kids? How do I *not* lose it?

I depend on your prayers my friends. Thank you for holding us up...


Katie aka Sailors Princess said...

Found your page from Faith Deployed on FB.

Laura said...

Thanks for coming by, Katie!