Update on THE WRIST

Heather broke her wrist two days after her birthday.  (Note:  She broke it during her birthday party - she is blowing out <--those candles while waiting to go to the ER)

It was what the doctor called a "buckle fracture", and did not completely break the bone, but three weeks later, when we finally were able to get in to see the orthopedist (thanks a lot, Tricare), they put a cast on it.  That was three weeks ago. 

Yesterday she had an appointment with the orthopedist again, and it was x-rayed again, and declared to be 98% healed.  The cast was removed, and Heather can move her arm again. 

The happiness at having the cast off was short-lived...the itching that had been present but unscratchable (yes, I just made that up!) was now coming out in its full glory...leprous skin and all. 

All of the skin that couldn't come off due to the cast being on that arm for 3 weeks has now come off, and the skin on her arm is tender, especially after she puts lotion on it.  Oh, and the muscles are sore...seems they got stiff, too, after being unused for 6ish weeks.  At least now she can take a SHOWER!!

 
Now, she has a brace for 3 more weeks, and should be good after that.   YIPPEE!!

There is so much to say...

My brain is overloaded. There is too much going on.

1. We're moving...just across town, but it involves boxes and moving trucks and chaos. Blech.

2. I'm going back to school. Remember my New Year's Resolutions? Getting started is HARD. Jus' sayin'....

3. Frances still has no answers. Which means more doctors' appointments. And Physical Therapy. And testing.

4. Jason has training. In Dallas. For a week. (I know, I know...it's not a deployment...a week is NOTHING...blah, blah, blah. He's been home now for 9.75 of his 10 years in. I'm not used to him being gone...please bear with me.)

5. About that...no, he's not going to the sandbox. Still waiting to hear where...but not over there. This time.

6. Family reunion. Not here. Right in the middle of it all. Sigh.

About #1...we're moving into a house that we hope, eventually, to buy. Financing couldn't be easy, could it? Seriously, with the housing market, economy, etc., in the shape they are in, you'd think it would be easier to get financing than to, say, find a needle in a haystack. But no. Not for us. Sigh.

#2. School. After 20-ish years out of school, I am TERRIFIED. There is SO MUCH to do. And I am not sure I am up to this. Ugh. GRE, FAFSA, VONAPP, GI bill, portfolios, resumes....when did it all get so complicated?!? This is NOT what I remember.

#3. Frances has another Nerve Conduction study coming up. And another followup with neurologist #2. Last followup was...ummm...a bit anticlimactic. Nothing found by any tests means that nothing structural has been found, which, according to above neurologist, means that there is no explanation for her numbness. He DID give her two prescriptions...one specifically for her migraines, and the second for prevention of migraines and possible treatment of the as-yet-undiagnosed nerve problems. But supposedly there is no reason to image her head. HELLO. Center of the nervous system. From which said rebellious nerves originate. Seems simple enough to me..... Oh, and the letter from the Psychologist? Neurologist #2 thought *I* had generated it. Thank you for that vote of confidence, doc....and for the honorary doctorate!

4. Jason, training...'nuff said.

5. Awaiting orders. I HATE waiting.

6. Family reunion...should be fun...if only it weren't right in the middle of things...

Thank you for hanging in there with me. Someday...well, I'd like to have enough time (and energy) to actually blog again. We'll see what the next few years hold...

More results, less answers

Last week Frances did the testing for her Psych Eval. Yesterday Frances and I went back to get those results.

There were no surprises there. Frances is a perfectionist. She is shy, a little self-conscious, and introverted. She is emotionally stable, not depressed, and unlikely to become depressed, and she has good family relationships. She is also very responsible.

I could have told them all of that.

The one paragraph in the followup letter that I needed...that I WILL be taking back to the neurologist when we followup on Thursday...."The results of the psychological test indicate that Frances medical team should re-evaluate if she has a physical cause to her numbness, shaking, adn neurological complaints. " YES!

All I can say is THANK YOU.

Next step, going back into the lion's den, to try to get some more answers...

Results: Good and Bad

I finally got the phone call from the neurologist's office about 4:30 pm on Tuesday. There was nothing found on the MRI, which is GREAT, but it is also not so good, because now we are back to square one, trying to figure out what is going on.

We are still not sure how to deal with this...and personally I am feeling a little stymied. I don't know what the next step is, but I do know...just put that foot out there and keep moving...not sure where, but God is leading this expedition into the unknown...HE knows where we're going. All I have to do is follow...

Following into the darkness has never been a strong point for me. I always want to have some kind of knowledge of where we're headed, what the plans are, what to expect. I'm not getting that right now, and I am feeling quite a bit out of sorts, and frustrated. I plan ahead for every day of a trip, for activities in the car, for clothes for the kids, for meals, for everyone to have their stuffies and pillows and special blankets so they can sleep. I'm a mom. This is what I do.

I want the best for my children, and this not knowing what is causing this, or whether it is going to be healed or get worse is driving me crazy. I cry thinking about my daughter not being able to feel the stubble on her husband's face, or the soft baby skin on her children. I am frustrated that this is affecting her grades and her looks and her self esteem. I am angry at what I perceive as doctors not caring. This is MY CHILD. HOW DARE THEY?!? Don't they know?!?

In my head, I know these doctors are doing their best. I KNOW that they see a LOT Of people and cannot be emotionally involved in the treatment of each patient. I know this. I know that I AM her mother and as such it is a law that I care more than anyone else in the world. I get that.

But being in this position is SO exhausting. I can't keep up with my work, and my house, and carting kids back and forth to school, and church, and baseball, and Scouts, and birthday parties....ad nauseum...and every time my husband asks me to do one more little thing, I think I am going to fall apart. This past weekend I almost got to the falling apart stage.

And slowly but surely I am realizing that I am NOT the only person carrying this burden. Jason is here with me...though he doesn't wear his emotions on his sleeve the way I do, he DOES care. The numerous friends who have expressed their concerns and their caring and their prayers hearten me daily. My extended family that calls me to find out what is going on reminds me that they DO care, too. Even the unattached...the Physical Therapist, the school nurse, the nurses, the counselors....they each express caring in their own varied ways.

Those caring people have been there all along, but I got sucked into a little tunnel where all I could see was me and Frances....and this long, extended period of unknown. And that was a lonely place to be. I don't like me when I am lonely. I get depressed and snippy with my kids, and I get clingy to my husband, and weepy, and generally really negative about life in general. I don't want to be there.

I've been there before...I dug myself in there before and made that my foxhole. I am NOT doing that this time. I AM getting out of there. I am soaking in the sunshine...and the Word, and in the love and kindness of my family and friends.

And right now, I am feeling a little ashamed of myself for getting depressed. After all, I am not the one that is having the health problems. And Frances? She is just going right on being the wonderful teen she always is....concerned for her boyfriend and his family that is disintegrating, and wanting to go ice skating with her friends, and worrying about changing her language for next year from Japanese to Arabic. I know it bothers her some...we talked about it today after her doctor's appointment. She is TIRED of doctor's appointments. She wants to be normal. But she is not letting it get her down or even thinking about it much....she knows that we're doing our best to take care of her.

Maybe I need to take a clue from her, and not think about it so much....after all, my Father is taking care of us...and HE does a MUCH better job that I ever could.

Musings, Reflections, and Dumping....

If you have followed along with our journey so far, you know that our family has been through the wringer a few times. Each time I realize all over again one of the reasons we go through these is to draw me closer to my God, to remind me yet again that that He LOVES me, and that HE wants a relationship with ME. Amazing.

This current situation is no different. Our pastor spoke this morning about creating space in our lives. About slowing down. Giving ourselves a margin. Yeah. Ouch. I was already trying to pull back from things a couple of months ago. Some of my friends will remember that I asked for help in sorting through my commitments, prioritizing them. I was able to drop a few things...just in time of a new spate of doctor's appointments and physical therapy, which immediately ate up every bit of margin I had eeked out of my crowded schedule.

This weekend has been a MUCH-needed restful one. We went to Colonial Williamsburg. We hung out with friends. We have grilling, laundry, and a trip to the beach planned for tomorrow. I slept. Friday night I slept for 10 hours. Last night I got about 7 hours. This afternoon I took a 3 hour nap. I am STILL exhausted.

I have found that when I am tired I lose perspective in a hurry. I start throwing blame around. I get emotional and (for lack of a better word) b*tchy. In general, a really NOT nice person to be around.

I hate when I get this way. I am overwhelmed. I am sad. I am emotional. I want answers for my daughter...and yet I am afraid of what those answers will mean for her and us. There is WAY too much going on in my life right now for me to take a break from life, which is what I really want to do. I want to take a sabbatical. To go away to a cabin in the mountains and read, and rest, and write. Yeah, not happening for a while.

Meanwhile, there is so much to anticipate happening in the next 3 to 9 months. A move. New schools. A deployment. And whatever those dreaded/anticipated results bring on Tuesday.

So, I have a question for any parents who have dealt long-term with their own children's health issues...right now things are in crisis mode. How do you deal, long-term? What can I expect? How do I keep the balance in the house, with the kids? How do I *not* lose it?

I depend on your prayers my friends. Thank you for holding us up...

Still waiting...

After a minor panic attack that the MRI visit had to have its own referral, and then finding out it wasn't so, the visit for the MRI went off without a hitch. The staff was really good, friendly, with great customer service. So now we wait for the results....and that means that since this is a holiday weekend, we'll have to wait until Tuesday. Yippee.

So, we are going to have some fun this weekend....a friend from South Carolina is here, and we plan to get in a lot of fun and relaxation. Colonial Williamsburg is free to military and their families (and veterans of all stripes) this weekend. The pool opens, and the weather outside is BEAUTIFUL! I intend to have a GREAT weekend, and not even think about MRIs and Neurologists and results for about 3 days....

Have a GREAT Memorial Day Weekend!!

The next step...

Thursday, 3:00 p.m.
MRI of the cervical spine.
Praying they figure out what is going on.

In other news...the counselor does NOT view Frances as someone who would be likely to have psychosomatic type things...her personality type does not fit. Thank you. I could have told you that. Anyway...more testing to prove it. Yippee.

Keep praying. God's got this.

Frustrated and angry...

I wanted to cry all the way back from the office of the pediatric neurologist today. I didn't. I DID cry in frustration in front of him.

I wanted to scream at him as he sat there with his smug I-am-god-hear-me-roar attitude. I didn't. I DID question why he couldn't come up with any more possibilities besides a psychogenic/psychosomatic disorder.

I wanted to beat myself up for getting my hopes up. I'd like to say I didn't do that...but in reality I am still doing that. I am also beating myself for actually buying into his spiel.

Our trip over to see the neurologist today was quite likely a collossal waste of time. The ONLY positive that came out of it was having him order an MRI of her cervical spine. That was only part of what I wanted. I really wanted them to do an MRI of her head and full spine. Really...she's going to be there anyway...why not go ahead with the whole thing?

So, you take one teen who can feel nothing in her hands and arms. Add in one concerned mother, and an unnamed, undescribed neurologist, and you get a "diagnosis" of psychosomatic or psychogenic illness....not saying she's faking it. He used words like "self-hypnosis"....really?!? Said that *I* am causing this to be prolonged by giving it any attention. Seriously?!? like I don't already have enough Mommy-Guilt happening.

What next? I have no idea. I don't know where to start. I know she already has an appointment with a counselor on Monday. Which the *&&^%% neurologist thinks will be useless. Whatever.

I wonder how many of his "20% of all cases we see" that he claims are psychosomatic go on to find a different diagnosis from a doctor that gives a crap.

Update on Frances

I was educated on Sunday on some more help that the school *should* be giving us...because Frances can't write on some days, her grades are falling. Most of her teachers are VERY helpful. One, however, considers ANY help to be cheating. Huh? How can accommodating a disability be cheating? Ahem.

So, I was educated. Informed that the schools have LOTS of extra laptops that can be loaned to Frances for her to take notes, take tests, etc.

And I called the school to talk to the nurse, since she seems to be the one that handles anything to do with accommodating students with injuries or disabilities. I talked with the nurse's assistant, who was very knowledgeable of the teacher who is the least helpful/most hindering...hmmm...maybe this is not the first time this has happened?

I haven't heard anything back yet. I will call again tomorrow.

Friday is Frances' appointment with the neurologist. I got the packet from them in the mail, and was both encouraged and overwhelmed. They want details about her monthly development as a child...what month did she sit up? what month did she stand? what month did she say dada? Oh, boy. The encouraging part was that they actually asked these questions...the other neuro....not so much...

I pulled out the baby books. HA! It might have been a good idea to write all of that stuff down, after all........so the neurologist gets "no remembered delays."

I have been talking some more with the physical therapist, who is writing up a report for us to take to the appointment. Her research is coming up empty with anything related to the spine as the cause. It is looking more and more like a CENTRAL nervous system problem, i.e. brain or brain stem. Mom is getting more and more scared....and anxious for the appointment.

Frances is just upset that she's going to have to be out of school for the whole day. Yeah, my kids LOVE school....they're cool that way!!

So please, keep praying. Again, we know God's got this. He has a plan. I just wish I knew what it was right now....because the unknownness of this is killing me. Thank you for your encouraging words, and your prayers...they sustain me....

Where to begin?

I just realized that it has been almost 4 months since I wrote here. I apologize. There are plenty of excuses, and a few reasons. I think the main one would be discouragement.

Actually, discouraged does not begin to describe where we are with Frances' treatment for the numbness in her arms and hands. Since I last updated everyone, she saw a neurologist. I won't tell you what I think of him. I will just say that, because all of the tests came back negative, the conclusion was that the cause of her numbness is psychosomatic, i.e., it's all in her head. That was in January. We followed up with the primary practice, who then told us there was nothing else they could do, and to come back if there were a change.

Since then, the numbness has progressed a bit further up her arms, and she is having trouble, sporadically, with holding a pencil to write at school. There is no difficulty with strength...the main issue seems to be that she cannot feel that she is holding the pencil, and cannot make it cooperate to write on paper. Very clear, huh? She is getting more frustrated. I am getting more frustrated.

I requested the school provide a second set of books, so she wouldn't have to haul 30 pounds of books back and forth to school every day. They required a doctor's note to do that....so we went BACK to the primary practice. This time, I INSISTED on 3 things when we went in there. First, the note....got it. Second, physical therapy to deal with the pain in her back, and third, a referral for a second opinion with a neurologist at the local children's hospital. I got all three things I requested.

Frances has started physical therapy, and the therapist doing a lot of testing on Frances, trying to figure out the numbness thing, too. She (the PT) started off saying that the way Frances was describing things was fairly classic for psychosomatic symptoms...but has since revised herself, to say that she does not believe that Frances is making things up...she really can NOT feel anything in her hands and arms. AT ALL.

Meanwhile, the referral for the second opinion popped us right back over the the same place we went before...perhaps to a different neurologist, but I did not trust that to be an unbiased opinion, and called requesting, yet again, that we be sent to the Children's Hospital of the King's Daughters. This time, I really got what I wanted...and have an appointment for her to go in later this month.

Finally, I feel like I caved under pressure...I have made Frances an appointment to be evaluated on the off chance that this is psychosomatic. I know it can't hurt her to talk to someone...especially since we have a great Christian counseling group here. I just do not believe that is the source of the problem. That is scheduled for 3 days after the appointment with the neurologist.

Meanwhile....

Life goes on. There are 5 other kids in this family, as well as me and my husband. All six kids are in school. There is homework every day. Jason and I are leading small groups (Jason has 2!), and are deeply involved at church, and in ministry to hurting people around us. Softball and baseball seasons have started. The school year is winding down. I am still working from home. Jason is still working on his second Masters...3 classes left! I am gearing up to start on my Masters. We are attempting to buy a house. I have been in physical therapy since sometime in February.

Some days I want to scream "STOP THIS RIDE....I WANT OFF!" But things seem to keep moving faster and faster, and I have no control.

I don't like change. I don't like the hectic pace we are living at. I am scared to death that my daughter has something that is really scary to think about. I am scared that because we're not finding answers, we are waiting too long, and there will be no reversing the damage already done. I'm sure I am NOT ready for what the next 6 to 9 months hold...but there is not holding back time.

I keep reminding myself that God is in control of this ride. I know that He knows what my future holds, and that He has good and not harm planned for me, and for my husband and children. I get that. But in the trenches where I am hunkered up right now, I have to be reminded of that very often, because the immediacy of issues keep distracting me from the bigger picture that God loves me and my family, and wants what is best for me.

So, please keep praying. Thank you for your prayers so far. I am clinging to those, desperately.

Please pray with me...

This beautiful child of mine will be seeing a neurologist in the morning, trying to figure out why she can't feel pain or temperature in her hands and forearms.

*Please pray for the doctor to be able to figure this out.

*Please pray for healing for whatever is the source of the problem.

*Please pray for clarity of thought for myself, and that I can turn this incredible fear over to God.

Today is one of those days when I wish I didn't know quite this much medical terminology. I know just enough to make me really worried about what the symptoms and tests are NOT saying.

Thanks!!

It is Friday...

My plans for today are limited to working, supervising the grounded teen, and heading to the base gym for an appointment concerning nutrition and exercise. My doctor has given me a new label, which I am trying to shake, if I can only lose 10 to 15 pounds in the 3 months. So, my project for the next 12 weeks. The problem is that some of this weight has become really good friends with the rest of me...having been hanging around here since my eldest was born, more than 15 years ago.

Oh, and we have our LAST softball games for the season tonight...at 8:45 and 9:45 p.m. It's going to be a late night...and that's a hard time for me because that is when my blood sugar tries to tank on me. Then tomorrow, the kids are wanting to spend the day with some friends from church and Jason has drill.

Do you have plans for your weekend?

We're Back from the ER

This picture does NOT do Jon's face justice...though it DOES look better than last night...at the moment it is looking very colorful.


The doctor look AT his eye, and she looked IN his eye, and she had them get a CT scan.....






AND, nothing looks like it is WRONG with his eye. Except that he IS having intermittent, wandering double vision.

So, the plan is to wait some more, and hopefully when the swelling goes down the double vision will go away. In any case, we're supposed to follow up with an ophthamologist to make sure nothing else is wrong.


AND, I still have to get over to Wal*Mart to get Jon's glasses bent back into shape.

Updates on me....

So I saw the doctor this morning, and he didn't even LOOK at me....he talked to me, skimmed the paperwork that the ER gave me, and said that he is going to refer me to the Physical Therapy department for a Nerve Conduction Study (NCS) and Electromagnetogram (EMG), or some other nonsense...so, I call tomorrow to make THAT appointment. He thinks that because I work on the computer, I may have some pinched nerve, or something like that in my shoulder. So, that's that....

Well, I know I'm not pregnant....

....but the doctor in the ER had to check that anyway. And now I know I don't have heart, kidney or liver problems, nor do I have diabetes. The fun thing is that now we don't know what is wrong. So, I got to spend an hour and a half in the ER resting while they ran blood work.

So, today I have to follow-up with the clinic...joy and happiness.

And, I have WORK to do! Yippee!! Work is a good thing....it means I get paid!!!

Hubby has submitted his officer's package now, so we are waiting to hear what happens next. And in the mean time, he exercises...he's got a little bit of the furniture disease to get rid of...he's running twice a day, and doing bunches of sit-ups...and starting to look REALLY good!!

And we're back into the crazy schedule that passes for our weeks....school, work, baseball practice, Brew Groups....must get busy....have a phone call to make....