Holiday Depression

A week or so ago I posted an article about the holidays and how this season affects people.  Called "PTSD Spirituality: Holidays and the 18% PTSD Danger Zone", it discussed the downside of the holiday season for a large number of people.  The 18% figure refers to the percentage of the year that is counted within the holiday season.  Please take the time to read the article, and understand that this is not something people can just decide to get over, but is rather complex.  

I've been thinking a lot more about this phenomenon.  I have been diagnosed with Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), so seeing how the article intersected with my life has been interesting to me.  (A good explanation of C-PTSD can be found HERE)

As with PTSD, persons with C-PTSD often are seen for depression and anxiety, and it may take a while before a diagnosis of either form of PTSD is made.  Meanwhile, the recurrent nature of depression and anxiety that happen in a person with PTSD is frustrating for both the clinician and for the client.  

It is important to note that the holidays are difficult for anyone currently dealing with depression. Weather can play a big factor in the significance of the depression, given the mediating effect exercise and sunshine have for those who deal with depression.  Additionally, if a person has experienced trauma around the holidays, the chances of having another wave of depression hit are very high.  

Another difficulty with the holiday season is the idea that these are usually "family holidays", and the expectation is that we spend time with family.  This can be difficult for someone with PTSD that has it's source within their family, which in turn creates grief over the loss of family, a deep longing (still!) to be with family, and potentially anger that the family member/members themselves caused this separation from the family, thus creating more isolation for someone who is already depressed.  

Some of the other extenuating circumstances outlined in the above article affect persons with PTSD/C-PTSD in unexpected ways.  The onset of winter and the time change can negatively impact the amount and quality of sleep, which can have a spiraling effect on mental health, especially on depression and anxiety.  In addition, expected gaiety at holiday parties, higher-than-normal levels of drinking, and social interactions can all have negative impact on the person dealing with the depression/anxiety/PTSD/C-PTSD cocktail.  

From Johns Hopkins Medicine

If you are dealing with any of these things, remember to take time for self-care during the holidays.  Pay particular attention to the amount of sleep you are getting.  Excuse yourself from parties and get-togethers, if you have had enough.  If you drink, make sure you do not drink in excess...alcohol is a depressant, so it will exacerbate already present depression.  If you are taking any antidepressants or anti anxiety medications, you should NOT mix alcohol with them.  Pay attention to what you are eating, how much, and when...high fat and high sugar foods (oh-so-popular at this time of year!) can have a negative impact on depression and anxiety.  Get some exercise...15 minutes per day has a very positive effect on alleviating depression.  

It was GOOD. Why do I feel down?

Really. I've had a good week. I accomplished a lot. I turned in papers on time. I got to all of my classes (so I was late to one...get over it. Had to mail something to the husband). I got the kids to all of their activities. And home. No one starved (though they may think differently!). Laundry was washed. The dog and cat are still alive. The plants are watered. The cars are still running. I even finished up all of my work before Monday morning!! Believe me, THAT is an accomplishment!!

I even got to talk to my husband every day. Some days more than once. I got to get some much-needed foundational wear. I got on the treadmill, and built my way up to 10 minutes. I even ran. I was even able to right a sticky situation with my mother. Yeah, I know. It sounds like I should be well on the way to accomplishing world peace, and that's just this week.

So why do I feel so down?!? I know I'm tired. But I think this is more than that. I know I'm frustrated because I can't find something. I know I've got deadlines coming on papers and projects. I miss my husband. Still, I think it is something more.

I have a LOT to be thankful for. We're all healthy (and we all know that's a big thing during flu season!). We have a GREAT house. I am studying something I LOVE. I don't have to worry about my next meal (instead I worry about my waistline!)...or that of my children. We have a roof over our heads, transportation, a very loving church family, and we know that God has blessed us far beyond what we deserve.

See, in my head I know a lot of stuff. Enough to get myself in trouble. But my problem comes in that I am always surprised when those things I know about actually apply to me! So, as I sit here thinking about being down, I am surprised to discover that I am dealing with something that is very common.

We are coming up on the holidays. Thanksgiving is the next one. This is one of the two biggest family holidays of the calendar year. And a huge part of our family is on the other side of the world. Which leads to me being down. I am (supposedly) this strong, together military wife, who can handle pretty much whatever anyone throws at me. Yeah, okay, sure. Most times I deal pretty well. With a LOT of help. Throw in the holidays, and I want to curl up in a corner somewhere, hold my blankie, and suck my thumb.

I've never had to do Thanksgiving or Christmas without Jason here. Or New Years. Or Valentine's Day, or any of the kids' (or my) birthdays. I feel like such a novice right now...only we've been doing this military thing for going-on 11 years right now. I know we've been fortunate. I know I'm lucky. I know.

And I know I am not alone. The "Holiday Blues" can affect anyone. Just think of the homeless, the breadwinner who just lost their job, the couple facing foreclosure, the newly diagnosed, newly widowed, divorced, alone. Again, this can affect anyone.

So, if you're down in these trenches with me, what are you doing to get out?

If you look at Dr. Larry A. Nadig's site, you willl see these recommendations, which are taken from the Serenity Prayer:
1. Accept the things I cannot change,
2. Courage to change the things I can, and
3. The wisdom to know the difference.

I like this. I like that it is *not* a pat answer. I am going to be implimenting this, as soon as possible. Right after I get some sleep.

Still waiting...

After a minor panic attack that the MRI visit had to have its own referral, and then finding out it wasn't so, the visit for the MRI went off without a hitch. The staff was really good, friendly, with great customer service. So now we wait for the results....and that means that since this is a holiday weekend, we'll have to wait until Tuesday. Yippee.

So, we are going to have some fun this weekend....a friend from South Carolina is here, and we plan to get in a lot of fun and relaxation. Colonial Williamsburg is free to military and their families (and veterans of all stripes) this weekend. The pool opens, and the weather outside is BEAUTIFUL! I intend to have a GREAT weekend, and not even think about MRIs and Neurologists and results for about 3 days....

Have a GREAT Memorial Day Weekend!!

Happy (Late) July 4th!!

I hope all of you had a great weekend! We sure did.

THURSDAY

Thursday we drove out of town in the early afternoon, arriving at Jason's parents' home in time for a late dinner and bed. After 6 hours on the road, we were TIRED, and had to be up early in the morning.

FRIDAY

Friday started early, with two of the kids taking off with their Papa, to go pick up the World War II era Jeep they were to ride in for the parade. The rest of us (3 adults and 4 children) hurried to get out of the house to get into town and get good spots for the parade.


On the way there, we drove by the house we built in 1998....I never had any pictures of the outside of it, so I got a few!!

(That is the only proof I have that *I* was actually there...see me there...in the mirror?)

It is a sad, strange comfort to me that the new owners still have not done anything with the front yard...that same yard that we did nothing with in the entire two years we owned the place....and which they have now had for 7 or 8 years.....

Then, on to the parade....

....airplanes....

....floats....

....floats with airplanes....

....Boy Scouts...

....School bands...

(This is the school my oldest attended for kindergarten and part of first grade)

(The hospital where 4 of my children were born)

....old cars....

....beauty queens....

....politicians (IN old cars)....

....new cars....

....tractors....

....baseball teams...

....one special Jeep....with a couple of special Marines (Hi, FIL!) and two really cute kids!!

....soldiers and sailors...

....and CAMELS!!! (Oh, my!!!)

And lots of pictures of my husband, mother-in-law and cute kids!

(My favorite picture of the whole weekend...MY Wonderful Sailor!!)

Mother's Day Leftovers

I have a VERY hard time every year with Mother's Day.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE being a mother. I love my own mother. I love my mother-in-law.

For a lot of years I had a very poor relationship with my mother. I have posted about it before. It HAS gotten better, but I don't have any sticky-sweet stories to tell about our relationship. Very little of it was sweet and a lot of it was sticky...

So, every year in the aftermath of any major or minor holiday, I get a bit depressed. I grieve the relationship I have never had with my mother. I miss the mother-daughter times we've never enjoyed.

I have a different relationship with my children, especially with my daughters. I know that things may change as more of them become teenagers. But for now, I have a close relationship with them. I hope to maintain that. I hope the pain of my relationship with my mother helps my daughters and I build and maintain a better relationship...