Defense or Division?

I watch Facebook sadly, seeing GOOD Christian people do things that we shouldn't do.

I see anger, and malice, and greed, and wonder what happened to attempting to live Godly and temperate lives.

Oh, the anger I see is not always bad.
No, there is anger at sin, and anger at injustice.
But, there is also anger at inconvenience, and perceptions of injustice, and differences of opinion.

The malice I see is often directed at other GOOD people...people whose opinions are different, whose backgrounds are different, whose life-experiences are different.

I see greed.
It doesn't appear, at first glance, to be greed.
But when the desire for more (time, money, stuff...) is repeated day after day after day, and week after week, and year after year, it is obviously that we are not content with the good God has given us, but are greedy for more and more and more...more stuff, more time, more money.

Our pastor just finished an excellent series on Money, called "Money Matters" (you can go listen to it here).  One of the first things he covered was being content.  Did you know that discontentment can lead to sickness, fiscal difficulties, marital problems, and emotional illness?  The secret to contentment involves recognizing the true source of our money/stuff/blessings, and enjoying what God has already blessed us with (Phil. 4:12; Eccl. 6:9).

And then there is anger.  In some instances, anger is not bad.  In fact, Paul says in Ephesians, "In your anger do not sin," (Eph. 4:26), recognizing that it is possible to be angry and NOT to sin.  Most of us, however, would admit that we are not at that point with our anger.  Most of the time, our anger revolves around ourselves, inconveniences, selfishness, impatience, and discontent.   When there is "righteous anger" expressed, often it is expressed in such a way that it is not heard, whether because it is being expressed too vehemently, or in a way that is belittling of the other parties.

This is where the malice comes in.  From Dictionary.com, the meaning of MALICE:

noun

1.

desire to inflict injury, harm, or suffering on another, either because of a hostile 

impulse or out of deep-seated meanness:

the malice and spite of a lifelong enemy.

2.

Law. evil intent on the part of a person who commits a wrongful act injurious to 

others.

I am quite sure that most people do not think that their responses to others are malicious.  However, when people are angry, we tend to respond in ways designed to make others hurt.  This can be in the form of belittling, name-calling, calling peoples' motives into question, and intentionally being disrespectful of their thoughts, opinions, and feelings.  Paul talks about this in Ephesians, when he says, "Don't use foul or abusive language.  Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."  (Eph. 4:29, NLT)

Most days I love reading through my Facebook timeline, because I can catch up with friends.  I can see where there are needs, and I know to pray for them.  I love being able to see how families are growing, and what work God is doing in each of our lives.

Conversely, it makes me sad to see God's people complaining about superficial and unnecessary things, putting political things on an equal footing with the things of God, and treating our God-family in a manner completely unworthy of the name by which we are called.

So what is the solution?  How do we stop posting things on Facebook that are unbecoming to a child of God?  I would like to propose several steps:

1.  Evaluate our attitudes.
     This is not always easy.  Evaluation of my attitude is sometimes rather painful.  But this is a necessary step to seeing WHY I am responding or posting in certain ways.  Am I just grumpy in general?  Is there something that ALWAYS triggers this response from me?  Why does it trigger a negative response?  Am I hungry?  Did I just have a fight with my husband, or a run-in with my teenager?  Did I get enough sleep last night?  Each of these things can have a huge impact on my attitudes towards others.

2.  Take your time.
     There is no rush to post anything, to tell the world what you think about a particular subject, to pass on the latest, greatest commentary on whatever the hot topic of the day happens to be.  If you simply MUST post something, post without comment or personal commentary, thus allowing the article to speak for itself.  Another good rule of thumb is to hold off for 24 hours.  Give yourself time to cool down, and time to evaluate your attitude about the subject.  If, after 24 hours have passed, you still  have something that needs to be said, then post it.

3.  Think about who we are trying to please.
     Every time we write something, or post something to Facebook, we have a particular audience in mind.  We probably do not think about that every time, but there is usually at least the thought that someone will read and "like" our post.  We are trying to please our readers.  But Who, ultimately, are we trying to please?  As one who attempts to be worthy of the Name she bears, I try to think through whether God would be pleased with what I am posting.  Am I being self-serving?  Am I being vengeful?  Am I writing for the ever-increasing numbers of "likes"?  Do I want my "friends" to like me, or do I want to hear the ultimate "Well done"?  Additionally, if I am posting something angry, malicious, or selfish, am I being a faithful witness to what God has done in my life?  Will my writings and postings ultimately be a good picture of the change that has been wrought in me, or will I reinforce the negative stereotypes many have of those of us who follow God?

I hope I have not come across in a preachy manner.  It hurts me to see people who call themselves by God's name write and speak in ways that ultimately hurt that Name that they love.

He's HOME!!

Today I was able to pull off the biggest surprise I have ever been able to manage.

I was able to surprise 5 of my six children.  (There are videos from 2 of them...sometime I'll get around to retrieving them from devices.)

Last night (actually this morning) at 1:45 am, I picked Jason up from the AMC Terminal in Norfolk, and brought him home.

Our eldest was home from college with a friend, and was still awake talking, so he got to surprise her before we went to sleep.

This morning, he surprised the youngest when she got up.

A little later, the two boys came home from the Scout event, and he got to see them.

After taking the eldest out for a Daddy-Daughter date (sushi!), he and I went to surprise #3 child at the Scout event, and then headed out to meet and surprise the final child.

There were tears, and laughter, and lots of happy smiles.

Everyone is OVERJOYED that Dad is home...

And now we can SLEEP!!

Help me, PLEASE?!?

I have a hard time asking for help.

I would venture to say that it is PAINFUL to admit that I can't handle things, and need someone else to help me.

I have these ideas in my head that the act of admitting my need means that I am not doing what I am supposed to do.  There is this voice that says that a good mom should be able to take whatever amount of activities her children need to her to be available for.  There is the squawking voice that tells me I'm not fulfilling what my husband needs if I for some reason or another am not able to keep a perfect house, attend to my childrens' every need, attend to my husband's every need, have a fulfilling career, have my yard in perfect order, and my house immaculate, and my clothing of the highest fashion, and exercise every day, and have the perfect body, and have hair that behaves itself even on high-humidity days.

Frankly, I KNOW these voices are the voices of the crazy...and I will be joining in the crazy if I even attempt to do it all.

I cannot do it all.

I am only one person.

One person with six children, a husband, a dog, a baby-stepping career, a house that needs to be prepped to be sold, a yard that needs to be mowed and trimmed, and trees that need attention, a body that is in DIRE need of a haircut, and to work out, two cars that need to be washed, a motorcycle that needs to be started, papers that need to be sorted, and put away and shredded, and junk that needs to be sold, or donated, or junked.

In other words, I NEED HELP.

So, if you are in the area, and have some free time, and endless energy, I would WELCOME your company.

I might even be able to supply the coffee.

In which I am humbled...

I am becoming more and more aware of how very privileged my life appears to be.

I am a white Caucasian woman, living in the United States in the 21st century.
Americans are 4.43% of the world's population, and women are 50.8% of the US population, as of 2013.

I have a post-graduate education.  My husband has a post-graduate education in 3 different fields.
In 2012, "33.5 percent of Americans ages 25 to 29 had at least a bachelor’s degree" (link) and "Among the science fields, women were most heavily represented in psychology, earning almost 72 percent of the master's degrees in 1993, up from 61 percent in 1983; biological/agricultural sciences (46 percent in 1993, 38 percent in 1983); and social sciences (almost 47 percent in 1993). Men were most overrepresented in earth, atmospheric, and ocean sciences (72 percent of the degrees) and the physical sciences (70 percent)." (link)

Our family owns 4 vehicles, three of which were bought brand-new.  We have 4 drivers.
"It is true that 95 percent of American households own a car, and most Americans get to work by car (85 percent)." (link)

All of our six children (four girls and two boys) are getting great quality educations at minimal cost to us. 

• Worldwide, nearly 80 percent of primary-school-age children attend school. In least developed countries, this figure is around 66 percent.
• The largest out-of-school population is in sub-Saharan Africa, where around 45.5 million children of primary school age are out of school.
• Of the 67 million primary-school-age children who do not attend school, 53 percent are girls.
• Worldwide, only 49 percent of children of secondary school age actually attend secondary school.
• Of the 49 percent of secondary age students who do not attend school, 52 percent are girls.
• The world’s functional illiterates include more than 130 million children who do not attend school, 73 million of them girls. (link)

We own our house...which is to say, we qualified for a loan to buy a house that was probably outside of our ability to pay for, but the bank decided to take a risk on us anyway.
In the US, 68% own their homes.


We own a dog that we paid entirely too much money for, but which we love anyway.
In the US:

• 47 percent—Percentage of households (in the US) that own at least one dog

"Pet ownership in the U.S. has more than tripled from the 1970s, when approximately 67 million households had pets, to 2012, when there were 164 million owned pets.

In other words, in 2012, 62 percent of American households included at least one pet.

That same year, according to the American Pet Products Association, Americans spent more than $50 billion on their beloved cats, dogs, and other animal companions." (link)

We have clean running water inside our house. 
We have reliable waste disposal.  

"783 million people do not have access to clean water and almost 2.5 billion do not have access to adequate sanitation. 

6 to 8 million people die annually from the consequences of disasters and water-related diseases." (link)

We have reliable electricity in our house.

• 18% of global population lack access to electricity, despite modest improvements (link)

We have air-conditioning in our house.
84% of homes in the US have air conditioning.

We have hot water in our house.  The combination of running water and electricity makes this possible.
"The World Water Commission reports that over one billion people have no access to running water. That's about 1/6 of the world." (link)

We have good pantries and freezers filled with good food, and when we run low on food, there are 2 well-stocked grocery stores within a mile of our house.
"A 2009 study by the U.S. Department of Agriculture found that 23.5 million people lack access to a supermarket within a mile of their home." (link)
In the US, "In 2012, 49.0 million Americans lived in food insecure households, 33.1 million adults and 15.9 million children." (link)

Every single person in our house has too many clothes and shoes.

We have a library-worth of books stacked all over our house.
In the US, Over 60% of low-income families have no children’s books in the home. (link)

We live in a country where we can worship without fear of persecution.
"...nearly 70 percent of the world’s 6.8 billion people live in countries with high restrictions on religion, the brunt of which often falls on religious minorities." (link)

We own more Bibles than there are people in our home.
88% of Americans own at least one Bible.  (link)

We don't fear fine or imprisonment for disagreeing publicly with our government.
In 2012, 195 countries showed:
90 were free (46%)
58 were partly free (30%)
47 were NOT free (24%) (link)

We have access to adequate health care.
According to the World Health Organization, Americans have access to 24.5 doctors per 10,000 population.  (link)


- The 1-10% richest of in any country account for 50% of the country’s wealth (in terms of ownership of capital). 

- In poorer countries, inequalities are even worse - i.e. the rich represent much less than 1%. In fact at the world level, in 2000, the top 10% represented 85% of global capital.

- Hunger and malnutrition affect over 850m people, even though the global food production could accommodate a few billions more on earth (some estimates say up to 12-15 billions). The problem is either with the distribution and diffusion of resources (e.g. lack of roads and infrastructure) or insufficient income.

- Bad sanitation threatens the lives of more than 2.5 billion people, while another billion lacks access to clean water. Water-related problems affect half of humanity.

- About 1 billion people can’t read, or even sign their names. At a time when more and more experts talk about investing in computer literacy, achieving basic literacy in some parts of the world is still the priority for so many governments. Lack of education is a major cause of unemployment worldwide.

- As far as women are concerned, the usual view is that “women produce half of the world's food, work two-thirds of the world's working hours, earn only 10 percent of the world's income, and own less than 1 percent of the world's property” (hopeinternational.org). These numbers count altogether paid and unpaid work (or work that would be paid in developed countries) like child-care and elder-care as well as helping in the fields or small family farming.

- More than 350 of the richest people on earth have more money than some 50% of the rest of humanity. This is not even about redistributing resources. This is an issue with the system at large. (link)

It is terribly humbling to me to think about where we sit socio-economically, just because of when and where we were born.  When I hear from friends residing in other countries about the very real persecution, the abject poverty, the health and other needs that are easily treatable in our country, I am again reminded that I had nothing to do with the good position in which I find myself.  

As I researched to write this post, I was convicted over and over again about my propensity to complain about what are really inconveniences...

...the flat tires on my car are reminders of my ease of transportation.

...the sore mouth after tooth extraction reminds me that I DO have access to great dental care. 

...the work that I need to do to sell this place that has been home for 4 years reminds me of the blessing of a roof over our heads. 

...my excess weight that tells me we have more than enough to eat.  

So, I have seen all of these "Thankfulness Challenges" going around on Facebook, and a couple of years ago I did a Thankfulness Month series.  This year, I am going to spend the next while praying for those who have less than me, while being more thankful for what I DO have.  

How about you?

Counting Down....

While we don't have any specific dates (as if!), we DO know that a very important part of our family will be home sometime in the next month.

So, what does that mean, exactly?

Cleaning.  Seriously.  You would never know that I have spent practically the whole time he's been gone cleaning this stupid house.  Maybe because there are a bjillion children through this house on a regular basis?

Cooking.  Have you seen what it takes to feed a bjillion teenagers and pre-teens?!?

Projects.  You know those things that we plan to do while the Significant Other Person is gone, so we can distract ourselves from missing them?  Yeah.









Instead we went to South Carolina for July 4th, shopped for school supplies, endured band camps, enjoyed fun visits with the eldest child and friends, prepared for school, started school, graduated from my Masters Program, sent a child to Florida for Prom with a friend, and then to West Virginia for a week, sent kids on two different Venturing camp-outs, dealt with a parking ticket, an impounded car, a lost cell phone, a visit to the ER for a bloody nose, an abscessed tooth, broken glasses, countless Skype calls, and planning for remodeling and selling the house.  We got to go to the beach, have spent time with our AMAZING military ministry group at church, seen friends from out of town, gone to two weddings, and had friends to the house for cook-outs twice.

While he was gone, Jason was able to visit Japan, and also went to Seoul, South Korea, to see the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ).  He has had the opportunity to be involved with a GREAT little church in Korea, and was able to preach four times so far, as well as help the church move to their new quarters, and has repeatedly cooked for the church's Sunday morning breakfasts.  He was also able to lead a Bible study for a while, before the command interfered and changed his schedule, making that difficult.  He got to play softball on base, and helped with several community events the command took part in.

But now the countdown is ON, and it's time for the motivation to kick in...any time now.  As soon as I can get these teenagers to go to bed....

What I'm currently reading

Now that I am no longer a student, my reading choices have expanded to the HUGE pile of books I have been saving for such a time as this.....

...which has grown since this picture was taken.










So, for a little more accountability to actually continue working my way through this pile, here is a sampling of what I am reading right now.



From the Goodreads site, " This was written to help adult children of dysfunctional families, especially adult children of alcoholics, cope with the problems caused from their unhappy upbringing." 

I have a hard copy of this book...my favorite way to read books!!

Also from the Goodreads site:  "Amanda is a raging perfectionist. She begins each day with a long list. "Keep the house picked up; limit myself to two Diet Cokes; spend special time with each of the kids; work out; pray; avoid sugar; read a chapter in a book about something very important; read my Bible; call my mom." She determines each day's worth, and ultimately her own, by keeping track of her stats--pounds gained or lost, stuff accomplished. That is, until God spoke into her life, waking her up to the true costs of her addiction to perfection. "Confessions of a Raging Perfectionist" is more than Amanda's confession; it's a journey of letting go of the subtle but destructive idols of her overactive inner voice and replacing them with God's truth. Amanda hopes her journey can inspire others to let God dig in to their own lives, uncovering the subtle lies we unconsciously live by.

This book was a free download from Amazon on my Kindle app.  

Finally, also from Goodreads: "A look at churches that practice authoritarian leadership, manipulation, excessive discipline, and spiritual intimidation warns and informs readers about such organizations, naming names and offering advice on identifying a fringe church."

This book is available for a free download here.

I am part-way through each of these books.  If you join me on Goodreads, you can follow my progress, as well as reading great book reviews.  

Back to School, 2014 Edition

This year we have reduced the number of schools represented by our crowd.

Jason is in Grad School, yet again, through Liberty University Online.










Frances is a Junior at Columbia International University.

Jonathan is a Senior in High School.

Heather is a Junior in a different High School.

Justin is a Freshman at the same High School Jon attends.

Leah is in 7th grade, in Middle School.

Katherine is in 5th grade.

For a change, I am NOT in school!!



Happy First Day of School, 2014-2015!!

Jason's been exploring again!!

Jason had the opportunity over his weekend to make a trek to an area that many are at least aware of, though it remains shrouded in mystery for most Americans from my generation and younger.

Jason left his base on Friday for the one-hour drive to Daegu, South Korea.



There, he and a few other military members boarded the bullet-train to Seoul, South Korea.
The train ride was approximately 4 hours long.


























On arriving in Seoul, they were able to check into an Army Inn, and go out for dinner.



The next day was spent on a tour of the Demilitarized Zone [DMZ], the stretch of no-man's-land between North and South Korea.

The pictures below were from his trip.

Help me say goodbye

There is nothing quite as painful as telling a family member goodbye.
Unless it is telling your child goodbye.

In the last six weeks, there have been losses.
Painful ones.
Friends have lost an aunt.
A mother.
A sister.
A daughter.
Among those I consider friends, there have been 4 deaths in those six weeks.

One in her 90s, one in her 40s, one in her 20s, and one only 3 years of age.

To old age, and dementia, and cancer, and drowning.

No matter how a life is lost, someone hurts over the absence of a loved one.

As I have mourned with my friends, so many things have swirled through my head.  I have regrets over things unable to be said.  I have the shared sorrow of a child whose life was cut short.  I have the sadness that accompanies any death attributable to any of the above diseases and accidents.

I also have a hopeful anticipation that I will see each of these beautiful people again...for each claimed the name of Jesus the Christ.  In this I find hope.  Because without that hope, I would be, of all people, most miserable.

For Jean, and Glenda, and Brittany, and Abby...I am looking forward to being reunited!

For the families, the pain is great...I'm praying for you!

Vicarious Tourist

My deployed husband gets to explore the world without me.

This week he is in South Korea.

Last week he was in Misawa, Japan.

So all I get is some lousy pictures....

...well, he said he also got some souvenirs, but I won't get to see those until he gets home...

I love seeing the world through the lens of my husband's camera!

Deployment Revisited

Photo credit Laura Paxton

I thought I had this Navy Wife thing down.
After all, we've been working at this thing for almost 15 years.
I *SHOULD* have it down, right?
I've been an Ombudsman.

My lovely artwork

We've done sea duty.
We've done independent duty.
We've done an air command.
We've done a year of geo-bachelor time.
We've PCS'd three times...prep is underway for #4.
We have lived in 7 different houses. In 4 states. Plus a villa in another country.
We are WELL acquainted with Tricare, the Commissary, the NEX, and base housing.

And yet...

We've done deployments (technically) twice.
That geo-bachelor time? It could have been considered a deployment.
But in technical terms, we've only done TWO deployments.
In 15 years.  For a total of 10 months apart.  (Plus 12 months of "geo-bachelor" fun.)

A LOT of other military people would consider us lucky.
After all, during those 15 years others did multiple back-to-back grueling 12-18 month stints in the desert.
Yes, we have been fortunate.


And yet...

I do NOT consider myself "lucky" in any form of that term.
Do not misunderstand me.
Every step of every deployment is HARD.
From beginning to end.
Cars break down.
People get sick.
Children (and moms staying home with children) break bones.
Washers, dryers, and windshields break.
Air conditioners quit working.  In August.
Hurricanes and tropical storms blow through...leaving branches broken, and power off, and roads flooded.
Life seems overwhelming.

And yet...

Photo credit Laura Paxton

Despite the overwhelmingness of life,
Despite the financial hardships,
Despite sickness, and loneliness, and fear,
Despite depression, and anxiety,
Despite trials and temptations...
Despite it all...

Photo credit Jimmy Sadler

I still love this lifestyle.
I love the pomp and circumstance.
I love the overwhelming feeling of pride in my husband and the job he does and the country he represents.
I love the many places we have lived.
I love the anticipation of homecoming.
I love the feel of another new adventure in front of us.....

Another portion of my life...BOOKS!

Over the years, I have had quite a few things as foci in my life.
I have 6 children who call me mom.
I have an amazing husband.
I have been a pastor's wife.
I have been a Navy wife.
I have focussed on childbirth, child rearing, child abuse, child growth and development, nursing advocacy, immunization education, homeschooling, missions, and church ministries.
I have worked in retail, construction, medical transcription, and medical supplies.
I have volunteered as a ministry leader with women, with children, with military families.
I have a degree in Bible, and a degree in Counseling.

If you come into my house, you will see books EVERYWHERE.

Kids' books. And globe. 

Overflowing bookshelves.
With a LARGE variety of books.
Fiction.
Non-fiction.
Kids' books.
Counseling books.
Theology books (Jason has two degrees in theology).

Yes, that is a dog leash on the top...

Books by Jason's favorite author (Chuck Swindoll!)
Books I PLAN to read.
Books I already read.
Books I have kept for reference.
Books I want to pass on to my children.
Books I keep for others to read.

This shelf includes women's
devotionals, birth, vaccine,
women's health, children's
health, yearbooks, theology,
hymnals, a few counseling
books, some self-help...

Books are a weakness of mine.
Books are what I buy when Jason is deployed.
(Well, I also buy itty-bitty dogs...)
I have a love-affair with books.
(BTW, this is less than half of the books in my house!)










Getting rid of books is painful.  They are friends.  Companions.  Co-workers.  Frankly, I struggle with feeling more attached to some of my books than I do to people I have had in my life for years.  So, as we start getting ready for another move (Thank you, US Navy!), I find myself going through the painful process of pruning books from my library.

Maybe (hopefully!!) someday I will have a room devoted to being my library.  Meanwhile, I am trying to rehome as many of my much-loved books as I can bear to part with....

Things I miss about Blogging

I have done a terrible job over the past few years of keeping my blog up-to-date.  Being a full-time student, mom, military wife, pastor's wife, and working part-time have all played a part in my lapse.  In addition, writing for ME and for others to read has not been as high of a priority as writing for grades in school has been much more pressing.  

I miss writing.  

I miss seeing words on paper.

I miss creative expression of my thoughts.  

I miss interacting with others over the thoughts coming out of my head.  

I miss the processing that happens as the words trip over themselves to make their way onto the page.  

I miss being able to go back and read what was going on in my head during those times when the words force their way out.  

So, I am trying to release the dammed-up words.  

I am attempting to get back into the habit of weekly and perhaps sometimes daily interactions here.  

I look forward to the way letting the words out helps to shape more words as they make their way out of my head.  

I FINISHED!!!

I am SO VERY HAPPY to have finished with my Master's Degree!  Now on to other things...like finding a job, and getting licensed, and paying bills, and cleaning my house.