Tuesday, June 29, 2010

More results, less answers

Last week Frances did the testing for her Psych Eval. Yesterday Frances and I went back to get those results.

There were no surprises there. Frances is a perfectionist. She is shy, a little self-conscious, and introverted. She is emotionally stable, not depressed, and unlikely to become depressed, and she has good family relationships. She is also very responsible.

I could have told them all of that.

The one paragraph in the followup letter that I needed...that I WILL be taking back to the neurologist when we followup on Thursday...."The results of the psychological test indicate that Frances medical team should re-evaluate if she has a physical cause to her numbness, shaking, adn neurological complaints. " YES!

All I can say is THANK YOU.

Next step, going back into the lion's den, to try to get some more answers...

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The end of the school year

I am SO excited! I LOVE having my kids home for the summer! I get more sleep. The house gets CLEANED. The kids get more sleep. I GET MORE SLEEP. Again, VERY excited.

I actually LOVE spending time with my kids. They challenge me. They stretch me. They give the best hugs!

I am also really looking forward to some really focused teaching time with them this summer. We have been reminded again how opposite the curriculum in the public schools is to what we believe. And we are finding that our children are in need of some focused study into what God's Word teaches regarding truth, Creation, environmentalism, friendships, and respect for others. So, I have my work cut out for me.

Meanwhile, there are only 5 more days until they are FINISHED. One full day of school for the high-schooler, and then exams. End of the year celebrations, gathering of the left-overs of the school year, saying goodbye to friends, and making big plans for the summer. And most of my children are sad to see the school year come to an end. They LOVE school.

And our summer plans include sleeping in, trips to the beach, lots of time with friends, some lessons at home, a possible move (across town), a visit with extended family, and lots of fun. And maybe I'll get to hang out on the beach with my drink in hand, relaxing. Then again, maybe not...NOT my scene...

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Sunday afternoon musings

This past week has been a relatively quiet week. By quiet, I mean we have had no extra doctor's visits, no drama, and no waiting on test results. Peaceful. RELATIVELY so.

Between all of the drama that passes for life in our household, normal stuff happens. And normal stuff in a military family includes sadness over friends moving. Summer is moving season, and with the school year winding down we find ourselves preparing for the moves of several friends...a girlfriend (of the 14-year-old), and friend to all of the kids will be moving away to Maryland after her father's retirement. We'll miss seeing Hanni-banani on a daily basis. Some other friends are moving back to Italy, and still others are moving on to new duty stations.

In other "normal" news, Justin lost another tooth this week...and when we went to put it away in the new bag, we discovered we had done this TWICE before...now, we have one baggie with 3 of his teeth in it.

Today my house is crazy. Sundays normally are "nap day"....we get home from church, eat a light lunch, and EVERYONE takes naps. Ahem. Not today. There are 3 children upstairs who are SUPPOSED to be napping (I can hear one of them yelling at the PS2 game he is playing). The other 3 took their friends and walked to the pool. Oh, yeah....a total of 9 kids in the house today, 5 of them teens. And Jason had drill today, so he was at work for most of the day...until he got off to come home and change and head out to Leader Trek (a training meeting for leaders in our church). Now he's headed home, and the teens *should* be on their way back from walking down to the corner Wawa (convenience store), and I *should* be working. Yeah.

So, I'm going to sign off of here and get back to work....or maybe not...I think I'm going to step outside and warm up in the 90+ degree weather before I get back to the grindstone....

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Results: Good and Bad

I finally got the phone call from the neurologist's office about 4:30 pm on Tuesday. There was nothing found on the MRI, which is GREAT, but it is also not so good, because now we are back to square one, trying to figure out what is going on.

We are still not sure how to deal with this...and personally I am feeling a little stymied. I don't know what the next step is, but I do know...just put that foot out there and keep moving...not sure where, but God is leading this expedition into the unknown...HE knows where we're going. All I have to do is follow...

Following into the darkness has never been a strong point for me. I always want to have some kind of knowledge of where we're headed, what the plans are, what to expect. I'm not getting that right now, and I am feeling quite a bit out of sorts, and frustrated. I plan ahead for every day of a trip, for activities in the car, for clothes for the kids, for meals, for everyone to have their stuffies and pillows and special blankets so they can sleep. I'm a mom. This is what I do.

I want the best for my children, and this not knowing what is causing this, or whether it is going to be healed or get worse is driving me crazy. I cry thinking about my daughter not being able to feel the stubble on her husband's face, or the soft baby skin on her children. I am frustrated that this is affecting her grades and her looks and her self esteem. I am angry at what I perceive as doctors not caring. This is MY CHILD. HOW DARE THEY?!? Don't they know?!?

In my head, I know these doctors are doing their best. I KNOW that they see a LOT Of people and cannot be emotionally involved in the treatment of each patient. I know this. I know that I AM her mother and as such it is a law that I care more than anyone else in the world. I get that.

But being in this position is SO exhausting. I can't keep up with my work, and my house, and carting kids back and forth to school, and church, and baseball, and Scouts, and birthday parties....ad nauseum...and every time my husband asks me to do one more little thing, I think I am going to fall apart. This past weekend I almost got to the falling apart stage.

And slowly but surely I am realizing that I am NOT the only person carrying this burden. Jason is here with me...though he doesn't wear his emotions on his sleeve the way I do, he DOES care. The numerous friends who have expressed their concerns and their caring and their prayers hearten me daily. My extended family that calls me to find out what is going on reminds me that they DO care, too. Even the unattached...the Physical Therapist, the school nurse, the nurses, the counselors....they each express caring in their own varied ways.

Those caring people have been there all along, but I got sucked into a little tunnel where all I could see was me and Frances....and this long, extended period of unknown. And that was a lonely place to be. I don't like me when I am lonely. I get depressed and snippy with my kids, and I get clingy to my husband, and weepy, and generally really negative about life in general. I don't want to be there.

I've been there before...I dug myself in there before and made that my foxhole. I am NOT doing that this time. I AM getting out of there. I am soaking in the sunshine...and the Word, and in the love and kindness of my family and friends.

And right now, I am feeling a little ashamed of myself for getting depressed. After all, I am not the one that is having the health problems. And Frances? She is just going right on being the wonderful teen she always is....concerned for her boyfriend and his family that is disintegrating, and wanting to go ice skating with her friends, and worrying about changing her language for next year from Japanese to Arabic. I know it bothers her some...we talked about it today after her doctor's appointment. She is TIRED of doctor's appointments. She wants to be normal. But she is not letting it get her down or even thinking about it much....she knows that we're doing our best to take care of her.

Maybe I need to take a clue from her, and not think about it so much....after all, my Father is taking care of us...and HE does a MUCH better job that I ever could.