Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Or maybe I should just say, emotional spillage of the "keeper of the stuff" this week.
Blame it on the hormones.
Lack of sleep.
Too many teenagers in the house?
Too much time to think.
Anyway, for your reading pleasure....written last night before collapse.

Must not appear weak.

Must not cry.

Must not show fear.

Must not snap at children.

Must not ask for help.

Must not.


Because I’m supposed to be strong?!?

Because I don’t want to scare my children?

Because I don’t want to scare myself?

There are so many reasons.

My husband has to concentrate on his job. If I dump it on him, I may distract him from his job. Can’t do that.

Other people have their own lives. They’re busy. If I dump on someone, they are going to run the other way screaming. I’ve lost too many potential friends that way. I NEED all of the friends I have.

I am too needy, apparently. I supposedly knew what I was getting into. Yeah, right.

I was the one who chose to have so many children. It’s all my fault, so I’m not allowed to ask for help.

I have to be a good student, have a perfectly clean house, get all of my work done on time, be the wife that my husband needs (which right now means running all over creation to get errands accomplished), be the perfect daughter (whatever that is…because apparently whatever it is, I can never meet up to that standard), never forget appointments, be sunny and cheerful at all times, have a well-developed, grounded and growing relationship with God – always in good standing with Him and all of His children (RIGHT), have all of the finances in order, the cars in perfect working condition, the dog and cat perfectly groomed and perfectly behaved, keep the neighbors happy, always drive the speed limit (good luck), and somehow wear that stupid perpetual smile/grin that is NOT me.

Meanwhile, deep inside, I want to cry. I need help with the 13+ loads of laundry per week, the kitchen is a mess, the dog stinks (and what *IS* that green spot on the carpet?!?), the cat escapes whenever she gets the chance, the kids are doing good to get their homework done each night, never mind the laundry, cleaning their rooms, and keeping up with outside commitments, I’m behind on my school work, AND on my work-work, my mother won’t talk to me, and I feel like a failure in almost every arena, at the moment.

The devil is really having a hey-day with me today. The tapes are playing loud and clear…but not quite loud enough to drown out the praise music in the background, or the beautiful words of encouragement from great friends.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Camera woes...

I took some more pictures...we had a friend from SC visit, who will also be deploying, and we had to get pictures with "Uncle Dave", but now the camera and computer aren't communicating, and I don't have the energy or patience to work through fixing it. So, I will get it fixed...eventually. Right now, I am dealing with a mid-term (10 essay questions!!), a paper, two extra (seminar-type) classes, and six busy and sad children, as well as a cat that has gone into mourning. I think I'm going to call it an early night, and get an early start on things tomorrow.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

So Long, and thanks for all the....

...Good wishes!

We had a GREAT time tonight with 70+ people at our house for Jason's farewell party.

It was a TON of fun.

Great friends.

Good food.

Great conversation.

Lots of good wishes.

And prayers for the next year.

I am SO very thankful for my church family!!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Family Pictures!!!

Like I posted yesterday, we had an amazing photo shoot on the beach, and in our yard, with our friend Jimmy Sadler. He does AMAZING work, and is also a very creative writer. Go see his work at his website: http://www.jimmysadler.com/

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Beach Fun

Today was an absolutely amazing day. We have had a family picture day in the works for a while, and it finally worked....and let me just say that I think we all had a BLAST!! Our photographer was an "old" friend from Bible College days, who lives about an hour away from us, and who was able to come and spend the afternoon with us on the beach. Jimmy is an amazing photographer, a gifted writer, and I am so blessed to call him a friend. Can't wait to see the pictures!!! Meanwhile, go check out his website, and see if you agree with me... Jimmy Sadler, you're an amazingly creative mobile dustpile!!