Who DID I Marry?

When we got married, I thought I married a romantic.

Boy, was I wrong.

At some points in the last 23 years, I thought I married the wrong person.

That was also wrong.

At various points along the way, I thought I was married to a prospective Marine, a college student, a pastor, a door-to-door salesman, a construction worker, a truck driver, a security guard, a prison guard, a Navy supply guy, a potential Navy Chaplain, a grad student, a sandwich maker, a desk-sitter-behinder, a world-traveler, a stay-at-homer, a soft-ball aficionado, a lover of football, and NASCAR, and basketball, and bowling, and baseball.

At various points along the way, any one of the above could have described my husband, but they were not HIM.

After 23 years of marriage, you would think I would KNOW my husband.  In fact, I thought I DID know him.  I know about his habits, his mannerisms, his patterns of speech, the way he twitches as he falls asleep, his smell, his smile, his favorite foods, and his favorite football teams.

However, there is more to knowing someone than knowing ABOUT them.

Knowing the inside of a person is every-so-much more important than knowing about their habits and their favorite teams.  Somewhere along the way, I also thought I knew the insides of my husband.

I know he loves God.
And I know he loves his parents.
And his children.
And me.
And I know he loves his country.

But there is lot more to him than all of that, and I had a different perception of who he was on the inside.

You see, background and experiences gave me a set of lenses for how to see the world, but also how to see my husband.

So the same teachings that said I needed to be a doormat, also said that he would walk on me.

That was wrong.

The teachings that told me I needed to wait on him hand and foot also told me that he EXPECTED and DEMANDED that I do so.

That was also wrong.

The teachings that said I had to dress in certain ways and behave in a certain manner also taught me that he would be unable to control himself unless I did everything right.

That was WAY off-base.

Those same teachings that said my actions would save our marriage, also told me that any misstep on his part was my fault and that he (and the rest of the Christian world) would blame me.

Wrong, again.

Obviously, there are some things I still have to learn about my husband.  I am so glad to learn that some of my skewed perceptions of him were wrong...and I am loving seeing the absolutely amazing man I actually married.  I am SO GLAD he is NOT who I thought he was!!

I happen to think he's a LOT better-looking now than he was WAY back then, too!!

I can't believe it's MONDAY already....

My brain is working 90 miles an hour, working, and preparing for THAT class, the one that's gonna be the death of me. So, last week wasn't SO bad...I was still embarrassed by what I had, but the teachers were kind....and I'm LEARNING...and it's re-awakening the creative juices...which is ALWAYS a good thing!!

The other thing that's gotten my brain going is a project for our church (INCREDIBLE, AWESOME, WONDERFUL church!!), more specifically for the Children's Ministry, doing.....ahhhhhh.....what I WANTED to do....setting up a blog, and a facebook group....THIS is FUN!!! I'm having SO MUCH fun! And this lonely little blog that I have stumbled through learning has assisted in what I'm doing now.

The weekend was good. It was restful. I got to SLEEP IN. I got to enjoy my family. I got to clean my house. A clean house is SO NICE.

How was your weekend?

Teachable Moments

Does any parent *ever* feel prepared for THOSE discussions with their children?!? You know the ones...where stereotypically the parents are more embarrassed by the discussion than the children are...Actually, the one I had today had nothing to do with embarrassing subjects. Just ones that are hard to discuss on any front.

I had the s-x discussion with my 14 year old a couple of years ago..it really wasn't too bad. I'm hoping that my husband has had a similar talk with our 12 year old...still need to ask him about that. (ACK!) I think I'm about due to have the same talk with the 10 year old. We're late-bloomers in our house...really....the 14.5 year old is still, by definition, a child. Yeah.

So, back to the subject at hand. My 12 year old said that he liked a girl at school and wanted to go on a date. ACK! NOT ready for that. But, I decided to redeem the moment...making the most of him creating the opening.

I asked him what he liked about this girl....she's pretty and she likes to goof around. Pretty much what I expected. Nothing profound.

We talked about the fact that he won't get to date...that he's too young, and that if by some coincidence he got to go out, he'd have the company of either his mother or his father for the whole "date." Even his 14 year old sister has yet to have a "date."

Then we talked about what dating REALLY was...preparing for marriage. About the whole thing of trying to figure out ahead of time what kind of person he is interested in. About understanding about personality differences, and being unequally yoked. About learning to know someone by how they respond to other people, and with their parents. About how getting to know someone in a group is preferable to a single date where each is trying to impress the other.

I think I overwhelmed him. I actually hope I did. I am NOT ready for him to date yet. And if I scared him a little bit, that's not such a bad thing, is it? He's got PLENTY of time to date....after he's 25 or 30 or even 40!!! (okay, so his dad was married at 19[WHAT WERE WE THINKING?!?], but my brothers both got married after 30).

All of that to say that taking advantage of teachable moments is how parenting works best for us...if I had to CREATE the chance to say all of that stuff....I'd be WAY stressed!! Another side benefit of being home with my kids!!!!

Livin' With Myself

I don't know about anyone else, but for me, there are days when being the loving wife, good mom and Christian I want to be is close to impossible. Today just happens to be one of those days.



I'm at the point in my cycle where I am emotional and questioning everything about my relationship with my husband, my friends, and the rest of my family...and especially questioning where I am with God. During this time, everything is weighed in the balances of my emotions, and EVERYTHING comes out wanting.



I KNOW I am loved...by my kids, by my husband, by my God. I know all of this.



I know that I am doing what I am supposed to do...taking care of my children, my house, my work...spending time with my husband, working on building our relationship. Spending time with my God, learning to know Him better. Growing to be a better person.



This time of the month, though, I doubt it all. I do not feel loved. I second guess everything I am doing. I feel alone. I wonder if I am headed back to depression.

I have to be reminded, over and over again that I AM where I am supposed to be, that I AM loved, that I DO belong, and that I DO have a future and a hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11