**WARNING** RANT ** WARNING**

Or maybe I should just say, emotional spillage of the "keeper of the stuff" this week.
Blame it on the hormones.
Lack of sleep.
Too many teenagers in the house?
Too much time to think.
Anyway, for your reading pleasure....written last night before collapse.
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Must not appear weak.

Must not cry.

Must not show fear.

Must not snap at children.

Must not ask for help.

Must not.

Why?!?

Because I’m supposed to be strong?!?

Because I don’t want to scare my children?

Because I don’t want to scare myself?

There are so many reasons.

My husband has to concentrate on his job. If I dump it on him, I may distract him from his job. Can’t do that.

Other people have their own lives. They’re busy. If I dump on someone, they are going to run the other way screaming. I’ve lost too many potential friends that way. I NEED all of the friends I have.

I am too needy, apparently. I supposedly knew what I was getting into. Yeah, right.

I was the one who chose to have so many children. It’s all my fault, so I’m not allowed to ask for help.

I have to be a good student, have a perfectly clean house, get all of my work done on time, be the wife that my husband needs (which right now means running all over creation to get errands accomplished), be the perfect daughter (whatever that is…because apparently whatever it is, I can never meet up to that standard), never forget appointments, be sunny and cheerful at all times, have a well-developed, grounded and growing relationship with God – always in good standing with Him and all of His children (RIGHT), have all of the finances in order, the cars in perfect working condition, the dog and cat perfectly groomed and perfectly behaved, keep the neighbors happy, always drive the speed limit (good luck), and somehow wear that stupid perpetual smile/grin that is NOT me.

Meanwhile, deep inside, I want to cry. I need help with the 13+ loads of laundry per week, the kitchen is a mess, the dog stinks (and what *IS* that green spot on the carpet?!?), the cat escapes whenever she gets the chance, the kids are doing good to get their homework done each night, never mind the laundry, cleaning their rooms, and keeping up with outside commitments, I’m behind on my school work, AND on my work-work, my mother won’t talk to me, and I feel like a failure in almost every arena, at the moment.

The devil is really having a hey-day with me today. The tapes are playing loud and clear…but not quite loud enough to drown out the praise music in the background, or the beautiful words of encouragement from great friends.

Camera woes...

I took some more pictures...we had a friend from SC visit, who will also be deploying, and we had to get pictures with "Uncle Dave", but now the camera and computer aren't communicating, and I don't have the energy or patience to work through fixing it. So, I will get it fixed...eventually. Right now, I am dealing with a mid-term (10 essay questions!!), a paper, two extra (seminar-type) classes, and six busy and sad children, as well as a cat that has gone into mourning. I think I'm going to call it an early night, and get an early start on things tomorrow.

So Long, and thanks for all the....

...Good wishes!


We had a GREAT time tonight with 70+ people at our house for Jason's farewell party.


It was a TON of fun.

Great friends.

Good food.

Great conversation.


Lots of good wishes.

And prayers for the next year.

I am SO very thankful for my church family!!

Family Pictures!!!

Like I posted yesterday, we had an amazing photo shoot on the beach, and in our yard, with our friend Jimmy Sadler. He does AMAZING work, and is also a very creative writer. Go see his work at his website: http://www.jimmysadler.com/

Beach Fun

Today was an absolutely amazing day. We have had a family picture day in the works for a while, and it finally worked....and let me just say that I think we all had a BLAST!! Our photographer was an "old" friend from Bible College days, who lives about an hour away from us, and who was able to come and spend the afternoon with us on the beach. Jimmy is an amazing photographer, a gifted writer, and I am so blessed to call him a friend. Can't wait to see the pictures!!! Meanwhile, go check out his website, and see if you agree with me... Jimmy Sadler, you're an amazingly creative mobile dustpile!!

Music to remember

I've spent some time this evening (since my exam is over, there is no pressing work, and my next paper is due Sunday?) browsing through blogs I know and love, and used to read on a regular basis, way back before life became as insane as it is right now.

I was overjoyed to catch up with several "old friends" and see how life is treating them these days. I was also able to introduce my husband to one particularly special couple I have kept up with, off and on, for the last two years. Angie Smith and her husband Todd (of Selah) have seen God lead them through a lot in the last two years. When you have some time, go read the amazing story of their daughter, Audrey Caroline, and how God has used them since her birth and death. Angie's blog is called "Bring the Rain," named after MercyMe's song below, and it plays on her blog every time you open a new page. So listen...and then go visit Angie's blog. God has done (and is still doing) some amazing things there....

BlogSharing

I just stumbled on this most incredible new (to me) blog, called Regarding War. Every one of the writers is attached to the military in some way, some as former active-duty military members, some as parents of military members, and some as spouses of military members. I haven't had a chance to read through everything, but this looks like a blog I am going to go back and check out again.