Accumulation of Stress

In research, and speeches, and articles all over we are all told to reduce our stress loads.

There are dire warnings about the health effects of too much stress and prolonged stress.

I know all of this.  REALLY.  Intimately.  I've only been reading those articles and that research for most of my adult life.  I have been passing that information along to friends and family and clients.

And yet...

Remember the old tale about the cobbler whose children have no shoes?  Ahem.

KNOWING things is much different than applying them.

Frankly, I didn't think I was under *that* much stress.  Oh, I admitted at times that things were getting a bit out of hand.

Like, when I was a full-time grad student, working part-time from home, trying to keep up with 6 children, and my husband was deployed...for a year.  THAT was a little stressful.

Or the year when two grandparents passed away, we went through some major relational upheavals, and Jason changed jobs, AGAIN.

Or the year that the world was supposed to end, I had a baby (25 days late!), Jason had an affair, the house was going into foreclosure, the car was repossessed, we moved, and we dealt with some other major relational upheavals.  Yeah, that year was stressful, too.

But, in between those REALLY stressful times, life was pretty smooth.  Things would settle down, life would be "normal" for a while, and I would have said that my stress levels were minimal.

About that.

I just sat down and wrote out a timeline of my life.  Through EVERY year.  ALL of the major events...those ones that are listed in charts as the ones creating the most stress...job changes, moves, children's births, financial strain, relational strains, separations, deployments, deaths....all of it.

That timeline was very telling.  Those times that I thought were "less stressful"?  Not necessarily.  Because in the almost-23-years we have been married, I was able to list ONE YEAR that did NOT include a major stressing event...most had multiple stressing events.

All of this made me realize that I have been VERY stressed for a VERY long time, and that it is time to make some changes.

I really don't know what those changes will be...Jason is still in the military, so the moving-every-few-years is not likely to change...and the children are growing up, which means more changes (hello, empty nest - well, that's a FEW years off, anyway!).  All I really know is that I really need to be LESS stressed for longer periods of time, and that needs to start now.

Exhaustion. (AKA, the honest truth about this deployment)

I'm exhausted. 

I think that deployments do this to us. 

Many of us tend to take on the "I'm strong, and I am going to *beat* this deployment into submission" line. 

Somewhere down the line, some later than others, we get to the point where we just can't do it any more. 

We are physically exhausted trying to keep up with eleventy-dozen activities that the kids are in, and work, and keeping the house spotless, and the lawn mowed, and the pets to the vets, and the kids to the doctors...never mind back-to-school shopping. 

Oh, and God-forbid we miss a phone call or Skype date. 

So we don't sleep...because the kids are up early, and the husband is in a totally different time zone that sleeps when I'm awake, and so when I need to go to bed, he's available to talk, or play Scrabble, or fuss at me for not getting to the bank early enough....or (you'll love this!)...for not sleeping enough!

Then our bodies just can't handle the stress any more, because stress is E.X.H.A.U.S.T.I.N.G. 

And let's face it, having our best friend in that other place, the one that might or might not be dangerous, but he's not HERE to help, to give us a break from the kids, to take over the car maintenance, and get someone to take care of the huge branch that just missed the house when it broke, or just to have his shoulder to cry one...yeah, all of that...it's stressful. 

So we're already physically exhausted because we're trying to DO it all, by ourselves. 

And we're mentally exhausted, trying to cover all of the bases with the kids (they're KIDS, they don't understand), and the parents/inlaws (who may or may not understand, but generally aren't close-by to help out with the day-to-day stuff), and the schools, and the DMV, and the bill collectors, and the neighbors, and...and...and you get the picture.

You get the picture.  We're trying to hold the world together with spit and Duct tape. 

Meanwhile, we are falling apart. 

How do we prevent this falling-apart from happening? 

We know that our friends *promised* to help out. 
Yeah, we know you're busy, too. 
Meanwhile, I just need someone - ANYONE - to take my daughter driving to get her behind-the-wheel hours in.
Oh, mowing the lawn.  I know my teenager is supposed to do it, and he tries, but he doesn't know how to fix the weedeater...and he's in band camp...
Oh, and that branch?  The big pieces that got cut out of the tree are still sitting back there waiting to be cut into usable logs. 

We've all heard the stories - so heartwarming - of neighbors pitching in to help when the husband is deployed. 
We say we want to support our troops. 
But where the rubber meets the road...yeah, maybe there is a reason that the suicide rate for the families at home is on the rise.  Maybe there is a reason that more and more spouses are on medications to help them deal with life...

Most days are good. 
Most days I *can* get things done. 
My house is presentable...not spotless...but then, there ARE 7 of us living here...I'm happy with presentable.
Everyone gets fed.
Everyone has a roof over their heads.
The homework gets done. 
The laundry gets washed, and folded, and put away. 

There's just this list...the one that is going to have to wait, because I am only one person, and can NOT fill the shoes of my husband while he is gone.  Those are really big shoes...and I eagerly anticipate his being here to fill them again.

Meanwhile, life is going to get quite a bit crazy again here very shortly. 
School starts in 20 days for the kids.
Back-to-school shopping still needs to happen.
School starts for ME in less than a week. 
I need to shop for THAT, too. 
I DO work from home...that still needs to happen. 
I have two kids in band camp this week...backing-and-forthing....
I have to drive up to pick up the other four from Operation Purple camp this weekend. 
Grocery shopping.
Doctor's appointments. 
Getting yet another line added to the cell phone account.

Somehow people keep asking me to be involved in things. 
Really good things 
Band boosters.
PTAs.
This, that, and the other thing at the *5* schools the kids will be in this year.

I can't. 
I am only one.
And somewhere in this mess that is my life, I HAVE TO take care of ME. 

Which starts with SLEEP...

...working to beat back the exhaustion that threatens to destroy me....
Goodnight all!

***AWKWARD***

You know that moment.

The one you dread.

Some friend has had something happen to them. Something bad.

You hurt for them. REALLY. You want to say *something*. You think you really probably *SHOULD* say something. You've been thinking about what to say. But every scenario you have run through in your head ends up the same way. It won't sound right. It will hurt more than help. Nothing comes out right, and you end up embarrassed when all you wanted to do was express sympathy and caring.

So, what do you do? Do you say it anyway, even if you *KNOW* it won't come out right? Do you just give them that awkward pat on the shoulder...the one that says "I know I'm not close enough of a friend to give you the hug that I really want to give..."?

How do you handle it?

(so, I just patted her on the shoulder, and said "I'm sorry." I hope it helped, some)

Recap of my week

You know those times, the ones you are sure you'll look back on with relief that they are over with?

I've had one of THOSE weeks. Unfortunately, the problems that have arisen are not yet completed. Legal problems. Problems concerning my son's safety.

In a nutshell, my oldest son (the 12 year old) was attacked by some neighborhood boys one afternoon this week after he got off the bus. He is still hurting. He's nervous about riding the bus again.

We've been in contact with the police.
We've been in contact with the school.
Investigations are ongoing.

I've spent a lot of time on the phone, and have stressed a lot over my son's safety. I am still unsure as to our next step...besides the one that says wait...wait until Monday. Wait until I can discuss this further with my husband, when he's back in town.

Oh, yeah...that's the other thing that's happened this week...

This very special man in my life has accomplished something BIG...He's graduated, again. With his Master's degree in Business Management. He flew to Chicago yesterday, and drove out to the campus for the Hooding Ceremony and Graduation today. I'm SO SO SO proud of him!!

So, my friends, please forgive my quiet week on this blog. It has been anything BUT quiet in my house, let me tell you...which would probably explain my lack of posting.

Oh, AND we celebrated Miss Thang's 5th birthday....
and I worked...
and did 19,000 loads of laundry....
and baked cookies....
and birthday cupcakes....
and attended Holiday concerts at two different schools...
and Women's Ministry meetings....
and youth group Christmas parties...

AND that would probably explain the lack of Christmas decorations in my house, as well....
MUST go decorate!!!

Hope your week has been less hectic than mine!!

Welcome home, now call the police....

We're back from a WONDERFUL time with family in SC and NC. It was fun. It was relaxing. It was nerve wracking. It is GREAT to be home again.

So, we pulled in the driveway, and I looked over at my husband's car, which we left sitting in the driveway while we were gone...something didn't look quite right.... I got out and looked inside to see that EVERYTHING on the inside had been rifled through. The glove box contents were dumped. The coins from the trays had been dumped. The car was unlocked. Oh, Grrrrrr..... Some days I HATE living in Virginia Beach!! This is NOT the first time this has happened. Fortunately this time it doesn't look like anything was stolen. The CDs were still in their place, nothing was disturbed in the trunk. We think they were looking for electronics....and we did not oblige them.

Now I am going to bed. I have church in the morning, and work to do, and laundry and unpacking....oh, and 300-ish pictures to go through and post for everyone to enjoy the lovely Smoky Mountains near Asheville, NC....and all of the family fun we had....

G'night!!

Life's a little blurry right now....

Even though I have not taken anything since 11:00 last night, I am still feeling drugged. I have to stay awake for most of today, taking care of the young'un, so can't take anything more until later. In the mean time, I hurt. I never realized before how debilitating back pain was. I can empathize now.

So, I'm taking off early today, hoping to let my back rest and get well, hopefully soon. I am not going to be doing much of anything for the next few days, probably just laying in bed, watching HGTV and TLC, dozing off occasionally, and yelling at the kids from my room. I'll be back on Monday, hopefully feeling a LOT better!!

OUCH!!!

I have a stiff back, and so far the muscle relaxant is not working. Please pray that I get some relief soon...because I have a LOT to do tomorrow.

Love you guys!!

And now I know WHY I felt so bad...

...and why I haven't posted on here....

Thanks to my children, I am sick. Fever, chills, headache, achy joints, the whole nine yards.

And then I will be headed out of town for my college homecoming...

Laura

How?

How do you write when you have nothing new to say? When what you really want to say you just can't...for so many reasons? How do you come up with something informative, or funny, or just newsy, when all you want to do is curl up in a corner somewhere, and ignore life passing you by?

Today was a decent day. I got a lot of work done. The kids got out the door on time. We have money. Hubby was home for the day.

And something happened and just messed it all up. And hubby keeps saying "DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!" And I don't know how to turn it off....

....so, instead of blogging about exactly what is happening, I am wandering around it, and posting about how this thing just ruined my week.

I got in the shower and prayed, and worried, and worried some more, and prayed some more....and I still can't figure out how to turn it over to God and LEAVE IT THERE. I want to trust Him to take care of it....but it keeps rearing its ugly little head and harrassing the heck outa me....

....and I just want to cry.

And I can't. Cause hubby will just yell at me again about worrrying about it. And cause I've got more work to do. And cause hubby has to wear his whites tomorrow, which means I have to hem a pair of pants for him.

So pray for me...
and pray for this situation...
and pray that I can hem these dadgummed pants without crying or bleeding all over them.... (cause they're WHITE...ick...the summer whites are a PAIN IN THE REAR!!!!)